new partner...

[charlie29]

hey all, havent been here in a while, mainly coz im coping reasonably well with my fears...

however, i have a new partner, we've only been seeing eachother for a couple of months, and its going great, i've told her about my phobia... dont think she quite understands... for example, when at the movies last weekend... there was a very graphic V* scene (haunting in connetticut, first 15mins!) she laughed at me when i looked away quickly... i told her i cant see people v* because it makes me feel like i will get s* too, she said sorry, but kept giggling about it....


other times she seems fine.... kinda....

anyway, she's just text me and said she feels s*, has d* and a headache, she's supposed to be coming round tomorrow.... how do i tell her i dont want her round until she's 100% better??? will she understand?

also, we're going to see P!nk on friday.....

there is no way i can touch or kiss her while i know she's not well, i cant risk catching it.... what do i do??........ [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[charlie29]

anyone?? [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

i just sent her a message asking how she is, she said she was lying down.... part of me wants to know how bad she is, and part of me doesnt... because it will make me paranoid.... all i need is to get one twinge in the tummy, and then thats it. i'll be convinced i will v*

[amie.essex]

I dont know if this is good advice or not but I would have to insist on her staying away untiil she feels better. I just couldnt cope with it.

If she is the one for you she will understand and respect that you need her to be feeling better before you see her etc.

Remember as long as she's not s**k in front of you and she's showered etc its highly unlikely you will catch anything. Just keep with good hygiene and avoid her house for a while (unless you know its been bleached - Ha!Ha!)

[charlie29]

I dont know if this is good advice or not but I would have to insist on her staying away untiil she feels better. I just couldnt cope with it.

If she is the one for you she will understand and respect that you need her to be feeling better before you see her etc.

Remember as long as she's not s**k in front of you and she's showered etc its highly unlikely you will catch anything. Just keep with good hygiene and avoid her house for a while (unless you know its been bleached - Ha!Ha!)

well, she's on her way, said she's feeling better, and had been to the gym tonight.. must be much better if she can face excercise....

ive decided im going to show her this forum so she can better understand my fear...

im going to quiz her first before she comes anywhere near me! haha

thanks for your response

charlie x [img]smileys/smilies_14.gif[/img]

[sage]

You really don't need to stay away from her. There is no danger in you catching anything from her unless she vomits right beside you, or doesn't wash her hands after going #2. The odds of the first are virtually nil (for a sober adult) and you can make sure you hear water running in the bathroom after the toilet flushes!

Anyway, even if you touch her you can't get it unless you put your hands in your mouth. So...just be extra careful with YOURSELF, and don't try to control her.

If you can't be near her because your anxiety will be too high, despite this knowledge, then you do need to help her to understand your phobia, and that it is nothing personal.

Check out my website for an info article you can print and give to her to read.

Take care!

[charlie29]

You really don't need to stay away from her. There is no danger in you catching anything from her unless she vomits right beside you, or doesn't wash her hands after going #2. The odds of the first are virtually nil (for a sober adult) and you can make sure you hear water running in the bathroom after the toilet flushes!

Anyway, even if you touch her you can't get it unless you put your hands in your mouth. So...just be extra careful with YOURSELF, and don't try to control her.

If you can't be near her because your anxiety will be too high, despite this knowledge, then you do need to help her to understand your phobia, and that it is nothing personal.

Check out my website for an info article you can print and give to her to read.

Take care!

thanks for the advice, it has helped,

i always get worried when others say they get ill, i know im just worrying over nothing...!


and as i was typing this, there was a v* scene in a programme called hollyoaks (tomorrow's episode first 3 mins, , watching E4 firstlook, for the UK peeps!!) with graphic sound... eeeew!

[charlie29]

omg, my gf was almost s* lastnight....! she had burped and i noticed an eggy smell, (the kind you get when you actually do have a sv* bug!) she admitted to feeling s* but didnt v*

i gave her a anti-emetic, so she didnt get ill... but im still panicing a little, and this morning she seemed a little hurt by my reaction lastnight and today, she said she felt like she had leprosy....!

i did feel guilty that i didnt support her enough as i know i'd be crying like a baby had it been me....

i did say that i couldnt help it, and that i panic when someone is ill, and that i THAT scared of s* and v*,, but i really dont think she gets it.... [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[kellybeth]

Have you shown her this site? Or any other info on emetophobia? It is hard when your partner is ill and you can't care for them or comfort them. I hope she understands it is not HER that was making you stay away. This phobia is so controlling of us at times.

[katie_alexandra]

Hey,
I can understand where you are coming from. I have been in a similar position before, it's so hard to explain how bad the phobia is and what an impact it has on your life. There is an 'Emetophobia FAQ' online that I have printed out and given to people before to explain things, I've found it really helpful and informative. Just enter: emetophobia faq into google and click on the first link that comes up.
Hope everything goes well for you [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[angelgirl]

Hey Charlie,

I understand what you mean. I'm a bit new into the whole relationship thing (different story completely) but I told my gf that I had this phobia right from the beginning when we got togethr and it seemed like she understood. However when my sister was ill a month ago, I freaked out completely and when I text her all she said was that I should be worrying about how awful it was for my sister not whether I would catch it. I don't know whether that was her way of trying to calm me down but it didn't work and I felt so bad cos I hate the fact that this phobia makes me appear uncaring.

Luckily I haven't had to test out what happens when she's ill yet but I know I won't be able to look after her or be anywhere near her. I'm just about ok with drink related illness now but she doesn't drink so it will almost always be a virus or something like that which makes her ill...

I shall certainly be reading all the good advice given here when it happens though!

[jezebel89]

I actually just came here to post almost the same question. I was with my ex for two years before we broke up. He knew about my phobia but didn't understand it at all. Now, I have met this amazing guy who means the world to me. I've told him I have anxiety disorder but haven't told him about my phobia. I'm terrified of telling people about my emet because I've had friends who basically reject me and laugh and that's the most horrible feeling in the world. I am utterly head over heels for this guy, we've only been together a month, but I find it so hard telling people about this. He himself has a phobia of cats and dogs, and I know he might understand but I'm too afraid to take that first step. How would I even get around to telling him about this? I know the article is really great, I printed it out for my therapist, but... I mean, what else can I do? On my SUDS list, telling people about my phobia ranks about as high as seeing fake v* scenes on TV.