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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    United States
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    Good Afternoon! I am just having a few problems and wanted some information or feedback from my fellow emetophobics! I recently got marreid in October. My husband and I have dated for 8 years before hand. He understood my fear and new that sometimes that this fear would cause me to have horrid panic attacks.

    I don't have them very often, but when I have he dosen't know how to help me and i feel like I am a huge annoyance when i have one. If I walk into the living room and tell him I'm scared...he takes a deep sigh and says "your fine" in a tone like its something he says everyday. I ask him for help..and he asks what i want him to do..and because I'm in the middle of panicking i can't think..i don't know what i need to calm down..i just know that i don't want to be s***!

    Sometimes I want him to just hug me...and not let go and let me cry as much as i need to. I don't need him to understand why i'm crying..i just need him to be there..

    other times i don't want to be touched and i have no clue what i need to calm down. any thoughts? on what to tell my husband to do to calm me down? or what I should do to calm down?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
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    United States
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    I would just tell him exactly what you have told us. That way he has some direction of what is expected of him. I think thats all most guys need is a little direction and they do fine.

    --Kim


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    United States
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    I understand how you feel, and what a horribly tough situation it is. My family tries to be understanding as well, but it's a hard to know what to do for them too, and imagine how frustrating it must be for your husband to not know what to do for you. You ask him for help, but even you don't know how he can do that.

    My best friend is probably the biggest support I have with the anxiety stuff, because she has an anxiety disorder, so she understands the panic attacks. I've kind of realized through the two of us supporting each other, that there honestly isn't anything someone else can do to help. What we usually do is I'll tell her what I'm feeling and she'll tell me I'm fine and I'll take that as a good thing. Maybe sometimes it just helps to tell someone what you're feeling in the moment and hear them tell you you're okay. Try to remember they care about you, and if they seriously thought you were in danger, they would do anything they could to help you.

    I don't know if that made sense or this is helping at all, but maybe him telling you "you're fine," is about all he can do to help you. Maybe whenever he says that, try to take it as a comforting thing[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    United States
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    When this hapens to me I don't want to be touched, talked to or looked at! I just need to be left alone. I usally try to read a magazine or do some cleaning. I also have a game boy that has helped save me from many many panic attacks. My tetris has saved me!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    United States
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    My boyfriend does the "you're FINE!thing too. He gets really frustrated with me about it because I can't think straight and I'll get mad at him if he can't help me when he's busy with something else. It's immature of me but in the moment I can't really think straight.

    I don't have any advice other than tell him exactly what you told us. Does he know about this website? Maybe tell him EVERYTHING like "I didn't know what to do so this i what I wrote on my support forum". Maybe it will help him have a better understanding. I don't know though. This situation is so tough.

    As to hearing "you're fine," I find that really doesn't help. Because to my mom, or my boyfriend or my sister, having a sv* IS fine, just uncomfortable. To me it's death. Same with panic attacks. I might not have anything life threatening, but I sure feel like I do. And I'm sure as hell not fine. I HATE hearing someone say "you're fine." I need someone to say "you're not going to v* because of this reason, that reason and this other reason her," because I can't seem to tell myself that.Edited by: classycaro1
    Crayon

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    United States
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    thank you guys so much for the advice! Does anyone else have to talk the whole time your panicking? I know when I do..all I do is talk about how i feel..how i don't think I ate anything bad..how no one i know is sick. and I keep going over and over about exactly every feeling I have. My mother is the only person that has ever gotten me through the attacks..but she thinks that me talking about it makes it worse..but i think it gets me through it. Somehow rationlizing to myself that i am fine! That...and its keeps me busy until the Phenergan kicks in.lol. God I love that stuff....Prevents v******* and knocks me on my butt! Do we have a chat room or anything? FOR those late night panic attacks?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    United States
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    Quote Originally Posted by classycaro1
    I HATE hearing someone say "you're fine." I need someone to say "you're not going to v* because of this reason, that reason and this other reason her," because I can't seem to tell myself that.

    Yes, that's what I meant by saying it helps me to hear someone I'm okay. Usually that's what the friend I mentioned does. I explain what I'm feeling and it helps beyond words for her to say, "No, that's not nausea. No, that doesn't mean you're going to throw up. Yes, it's just anxiety." Maybe you could tell your husband that's the best way to help you. To let you explain what you're feeling and have him (who I'm guessing has thrown up and isn't afraid of it, and can therefore think clearly,) tell you that yes, it's just anxiety, and you are not going to throw up.

    Oh, and as for the talking thing, I'm the same as kellybeth. I don't generally want anyone touching me, talking to me, even looking at me makes me feel like I feel worse. I personally hate talking when I feel like that. But then again, that really refers to talking about unrelated things. Again, describing what I'm feeling and having someone tell me it's okay, and doesn't mean my worst nightmare is about to come true, helps quite a bit [img]smileys/smilies_13.gif[/img]

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    United States
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    Do we have a chat room or anything? FOR those late night panic attacks?
    You're better off making some friends here that can support you when things get bad. I've met some people here and they've helped me some and I've helped them as well. Exchange facebook/myspace/AIM info.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    102

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    My yahoo is geraldine_okane please contact me anyone with the fear of been sick

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    USA
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    3,363

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    My husband says "You're fine" all the time, too! And, I have AIM, Yahoo, and MSN Messenger, if anyone ever needs to chat. PM me for details.

    Mary
    "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right."

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    United Kingdom
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    8

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    Hi
    I've just read your post, and I really feel for you, that's so tough! I'd be happy to be a listening ear for you anytime you feel you need it. I'll pm you with my msn addy.
    Meggie x

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    United States
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    334

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    Same here -- husband knows but doesn't understand and sometimes gets mad because I'm having a panic attack and he just doesn't get it. He will even be mean to me!

    I believe he gets mad because he doesn't know what to do to help me but I also feel that even if he did know what to do or say that he wouldn't because he just thinks it's something I should "deal with" or "get over".

    In general, people just don't get it -- sad but true.


 

 

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