Question for moms

[daily417]

I read a thread the other day and can't find it now, but it was about moms and their ability to deal with their children when they v*. It seemed like most moms seemed to deal with their emet much easier when it came to their children.

Is anyone different than that on here? My daughter is almost 4 and I am absolutely terrifed when she v* or gets a sv. The last tme she had a sv, she got sick in the car. Now I am extremely nervous/anxious when we ride in the car. I'm also a single mom, so I don't have a hubby to help me when she is sick. She sleeps in my room so there are many nights I am afraid of even sleeping out of fear she might v* during the night. I feel like it is making me a bad mom bc I constantly ask her "are you okay?' or 'whats wrong?' When she does get sick, I do my best to take care of her, but still can't resist the urge to at least hold my ears and if possible I keep her laying in bed and only go in the room to check on her or right after I know she has v*.

I feel so alone and like a bad mom over this.

[kendall]

actually,while you may think you harming her now,it may do her good
in the long run. my aunts mom was a sympathy v*er and she could
never be with her while she was sick.now my aunt has kids and is very
sensitive and tough when it comes to v* but she was an emet when she
was a child...


i dunno. but your not a bad mom. but as she gets older try to explain to
her why you cant be with her.

[elizam]

I was like that when my kids were young. I just became more and more desensitized along the way. When my oldest was little any time she got sick and v*, I'd have my husband take her out to the family room and look after her until she was well. I holed up in the bedroom until it was all over.

As I said, gradually I was able to handle more and more. It wasn't an instantaneous conversion once I had children. It took years. I still get panicky when someone in the family v*, but I don't feel like I need to run away, and I can clean up once it has happened without any trouble at all (although I wash my hands like mad and bleach everything in site afterward).

Not being able to deal with v* doesn't make you a bad mom in any way. Do you know how many moms can't deal with the sight of blood? My mother was totally squicked out by anything that had to do with eyes. Everyone has something.

Your child won't grow up with any sort of complex or thinking that you're a bad mother because you can't deal with v*. My children are 17, 14 & 10 and they're all fine and we're close and they think I'm a great mom. Of course they love to tease me about being a germ-o-phobe, but my emet hasn't harmed them or harmed my relationship with them at all.

Think of all of the times your daughter ISN'T ill and all of the cool stuff you do with her and for her and how you care for her every day and the fun you have together. Those are the things she will carry with her, not the handful of times she v* and you didn't like dealing with it. Non-emets don't think about those incidents even half as much as emets do. We obsess about those times. They don't.

I think you're being way too hard on yourself, which is totally a "mom" thing to do.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[amie.essex]

I too feel bad about this - i have 2 children - one baby and one at primary school. I'm always asking my eldest if she feels ok and if anyone from her class was off sick and making her wash her hands a lot etc.

When they have been ill I have coped with it and cleaned it up etc but have to admit when they are I keep them at arms length and am not kissy cuddly with them (which I feel very guilty and bad about [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] ). I try my best to hide my phobia from my kids but I'm sure the eldest is starting to pick up on it - I just hope and pray they don't develop it because of me.

Emet also stops me from taking them to places that kids usually love (fast food places, indoor play areas etc), I just cant face it!

[halliedk]

I used to not be able to deal with my s* kids either... I'd have my ex take care of them - or my mum if she was around... And I felt so incredibly guilty about it.

Now that I've been through some treatment and my emet is not as bad - AND because I have my tranquilizers - I can take care of them when they're s*. But I don't eat for at least 3 days after and I'm extremely anxious in those days....

The most important thing is to tell yourself that you're doing the best you can - so you have a problem when she's s* - but I bet in all other cases you're taking great care of her... And in the end that is what matters to her : you're there and very attentive when she's well... That's what she will remember )

[paintedwings]

I am the same way. I feel so guilty too when my daughter who is 5 gets sick.
I cant be around, and I get very upset and defensive.
And I feel so bad because my baby is sick and I cant help

My hubby takes care of her and pretty much just leaves me alone (which I prefer) and doesnt say anything when I starts to compulsively wash everything.

I try not to freak out ever in front of her but I dont stick around. My computer desk and my bed are my safe havens. No one touches anything on them and I have everything I might need to remain calm (anti emet, ipod, crackers and some relaxing scent oils.)

I figure I am more use to her away then around and I know hubby takes good care of her

[calili]

Well, my mum is an emet like me. I have 1 brother and 1 sister. They're 'normal'. I don't think my mum was a bad mum to avoid us when we got sick. We all understand her perfectly. My dad never helped her with anything, so it was her taking care of the three of us and I never felt less loved because of her phobia. I know I have it too and I'm not sure if it was genetic or because of her I caught it, but I dont blame her. My sister that is 'normal' never thought of her as a bad mum because of our phobia. She only laughs sometimes, because she doesnt understand us. People grow up and understand. Don't worry, you can be more absent whe she has a sv, but you can compensate her in another subjects of her life

And don't forget, there is ALWAYS hope, maybe within a year or two you'll get better and be able to help her as you wanted to help now. Don't blame yourself, you didnt wish for this and she will understand

[tinydancer75]

hi i have 2 daughters aged 6 and 2(almost 3!) and im emet. i find as the kids are getting older its getting worse, i run a mile especially when its the older one for some reason. im lucky that i have an excellent husband who takes over and although he doesnt understand my fears, he does it anyway. the last time my daughter was sick it was awful, i literly hid in my room for 24hrs and if she came near me id almost start crying regardless of wether she was feeling ok or not. it took me about 5 days after she stopped v* for me to hug her (i know that sounds awful, but i was so afraid). i guess this will always be with me, but for now it really stresses me out when they are sick yes.

[dragonflyaway]

I read a thread the other day and can't find it now, but it was about moms and their ability to deal with their children when they v*. It seemed like most moms seemed to deal with their emet much easier when it came to their children.

Is anyone different than that on here? My daughter is almost 4 and I am absolutely terrifed when she v* or gets a sv. The last tme she had a sv, she got sick in the car. Now I am extremely nervous/anxious when we ride in the car. I'm also a single mom, so I don't have a hubby to help me when she is sick. She sleeps in my room so there are many nights I am afraid of even sleeping out of fear she might v* during the night. I feel like it is making me a bad mom bc I constantly ask her "are you okay?' or 'whats wrong?' When she does get sick, I do my best to take care of her, but still can't resist the urge to at least hold my ears and if possible I keep her laying in bed and only go in the room to check on her or right after I know she has v*.

I feel so alone and like a bad mom over this.

You & I are so much alike! I am a single Mom as well, and I am always asking both of my sons (6 & 3) if they feel okay, etc.

You are not a bad Mom!! Not in the least. I am the same way with my boys - I do take care of them & clean them up, but I absolutely can't cuddle them if they are v*. I hate that I can't be more hands-on about that, but I'm doing the best I can. When the boys are sick with absolutely anything else, I'm totally there. We play and laugh and do things together. They are not affected by my phobia, and I know your daughter isn't, either. Please don't feel badly. You're doing an amazing job!!!

[emeraldrose]

I typed in something yesterday about kids and illness. Right now, an sv is going around, and it has struck one of my friend's houses. I am completely terrified we'll be next. I have a 5, 3, and 1 year old. It's ironic. I have the phobia, but I am usually the one stuck cleaning up the v* and taking care of the kids when they're s*, not my husband. He is a terrific, loving, caring man, but I don't think he gets why I can't stand it. I go numb while I care for my kids, and I'll look for any excuse to leave the house while they're ill. Out of gingerale? I'll go! No crackers? I'll go! There are times I also feel like a terrible mom, and I hope none of them become an emet like me. I see my 3 year old's concern when others get s*, and I worry she'll turn out like me.
I can't wait for this sv that's going around to be gone! It's been all of April, and I haven't had a moment's peace because of it.

[mrmoose108]

I feel like a terrible mom too right now!! My daughter v* 3 times on Wednesday night and then twice on Thursday. We took her to the doc and they diagnosed her with strep (even though the test was negative), an ear infection and swollen glands. Well, she v* 2 more times on Friday and just when we thought all was well, she had d* 3 times with bad head/stomach pain. We took her to the ER and all they said was "oh it's gotta be a virus". She wanted to eat and wasn't really lethargic which i thought was how kids get when they have sv*. I don't know...but i'm praying that my husband and I don't get anything!! When can I calm down and not feel like a "ticking time bomb" waiting to explode?? Am I in the clear yet? I'm also 2 months pregnant so I'm paranoid to begin with but now the emet is driving me insane!! I actually sprayed my hands with a clorox bleach spray!! I know that is bad but I just couldn't help it!! UGH!! What is an emet mom to do to stay sane??

[emeraldrose]

mrmoose108, I totally know how you feel! My 3 year old v* back in Dec, and it turned out to be strep, then in Jan, my 5 yr old and 18mo old v*. My littlest one had the v* for 3 days, and I was completely out of my mind thinking I was going to get it next. I never did get it (knock on wood). Being pregnant makes it harder. You want to protect yourself and your baby. Don't stress too much. THere is a strong chance your daughter had Rotavirus, which is difficult for adults to catch, but very easy for little ones to catch. As long as you're keeping your hands and the surfaces in your house as clean as you can, you should be fine.
I fluctuate in my ability to control this phobia. There are large chunks of time that I can be calm and rational, even in the face of v*, but there are others that it seems to take a hold of me. Just know that you are doing the very best you can.

[jwavrek]

Your not a bad mom. Eventually you can explain to her why you have trouble dealing with this. But no your Definatly not a bad mom.