this topic is so empty. i'd love to see more triumphs. here's
another one from me. (sorry it's a bit long)
i visited my long-distance boyfriend recently and the day
before i was to leave, he suddenly felt ill. now he knows
about my phobia, and is very understanding, but this is he
first time in our relationship that he has not felt well while
around me. well, he did not v*, but he felt (and looked!)
pretty bad and so i was avoiding him as much as i could in
a hotel room. i managed to get him a cool cloth for his
forehead, but i had to request that he stay in the other bed
because i was having a panic attack. he was a little sad
about this and kept apologizing for ruining our last night
together. at one point he asked me to get him something
from his bag and i did that but i wanted to make him feel
better so very much and was cursing myself for this stupid
fear and usually he's the one who holds my hand when i'm
panicking, but this time he was causing my panic. well, he
asked if i would hold his hand. and i managed to sit on the
bed next to him and hold his hand while we watched tv. i
was even able to kiss him on the forehead and cheek. i
was terrified, and practically crying into the pillow, but i
wanted him to feel better. and i wanted him to make me
feel better too. (not as easy) what i realized was that my
wanting to help him was stronger than my fear and panic.
he seemed to realize this too because he kept telling me
how much it meant to him that i was even within 10 feet of
him, much less sitting next to him holding his hand.
eventually he felt fine again and we figured it was
something he had eaten. but i was actually able to get
back to normal and even kiss him on the mouth only a few
hours later. this whole thing gives me hope that when i am
strongly motivated enough, i won't be so helpless and
panicky. i know i can be there for him when he's feeling
sick. (don't know yet about if he actually gets sick,
hopefully i won't have to find out!) but i can also hope that
someday when i have children, i'll be able to mommy them
when they are sick. i even dare to hope that i could help
someone if i knew that they were relying on me and had
no one else to care for them. (like if i'm babysitting.)
strangers and friends still get the normal emet treatment
when they're sick. i'm not totally cured yet. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]