*updated: "Is this hell?"

[symphonicfaith]

To sum up my previous post, I was:
-Panicking
-Worrying about:
---getting sick
---my hospitalized grandma
-Scared
-Depressed
-Paranoid
-Losing my mind
-Having suicidal thoughts


Thanks to all of you for your concern... I am doing a little better, and have started going to counseling. I figured that the suicidal thoughts were a little over the top, especially since I had a plan as to how I would do it. My grandma is also doing better... she has a doctor's appointment on Monday, so we'll find out more then (she's out of the hospital, yay!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]) School is definitely stressing me out... I have a huge paper and a presentation due on Wednesday. I needed to take a study break, so I figured I'd go to emetophobia.org! Okay... I need to get back to the books, so I'll talk toyou all later.





<Zachary>Edited by: symphonicfaith

[siafi]

Zachary,


Don't ever, ever think about ending your life!! It seems like you're going through a very hard time right now, but alongside these tough times in life come wonderful times too! You should find a friend and counselor to confide in and help you get through this. We all care about you here and our prayers are most definitely with you.

[pippi]

Zachary Please don't harm yourself! You are loved and cared about! It sounds to me like you are depressed.Depression can cause you to not eat. Can you go to someone to talk? Maybe an anti depresant would help. Come here and talk to us when you are feeling down.

[giff1949]

Zachary,

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time right now. It sounds like you are just overwhelmed and don't know which way to turn. School pressures are probably responsible for some of your panic. I remember how anxious I used to get at the end of the year. You have finals to take, papers due, and just generally have to tie up loose ends. Hang in there! It will be over soon.

Please don't do anything to harm yourself. That is never the answer. There are lots of people who care about you and love you. There are also some of us who have been in exactly the same spot you are in now. Things will get better. Maybe you could confide in a favorite teacher, a parent, a minister, or even a parent of a friend.

It sounds like you need a good physical exam to find out what is going on with your body, and maybe some medication to help you feel better. Once school is over for the summer you can concentrate on healing your body. Try to get plenty of exercise and establish better eating habits and regroup.

I went to see a counselor the other day and he gave me a really good suggestion on how to try to relax. He said to take in a big breath, and when I think I have done that to take in 10% more air and slowly let it out. Do this 3 or 4 times. It is like a cleansing breath. It helps to break the cycle of the panic attack. It may not be much but I have found that it helps to clear my mind.

I know the worry over your grandmother is also weighing heavily on your mind. The hospital is the best place for her. They will keep close watch over her and do whatever tests and treatments are necessary.

Take care and keep us posted. (I am also a Hoosier).

[soluene]

Zach-


All I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I also know that there isn't much one can really say to make you feel better right now - except to offer support and understanding.


I am one of those people who have gone through that utter hell. When I was your age, I considered ending my life many times (although I would never havehad the courage to do it). I hated my life, I felt like I could never do anything right, and I just thought "what is the point in living if it is this bad?" I felt like the pressure of the world was on my tiny little shoulders, and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to stand up....


BUT.


I began to realize that that pressure I was feeling was not coming from the world outside. It was coming from inside me. And then I realized...if it is coming from inside me, then I DO have control over it! Of course, it took me about 8 years and a few therapy sessions to figure that out, but I did. And believe me, it is worth it to see it through. It is so worth it. There is a light at the end of this, Zach...You just happen to be at an age...and a "coming of age" ..when people who have anxiety suffer the most. It will pass!


And I prayed, too...I prayed so much! But my problem was that I prayed and prayed, and then I lay in bed and waited for the miracle to happen. It doesn't work like that! You have get up, no matter how hard things are, and take control of your life yourself.


Have a look at my signature. That is the quote I live by.

[Jenneh]

<<<<<Zachary>>>>>&gt ;


its ok. we have feel lke we're falling out physically and mentally at some point. but just remember, u are such a strong person and u ARE going to get thru this.


im so sorry to hear about ur grandma, i hope she is ok.


u just gotta hang in there for the last 3 weeks, you can do it. i know u can. if it helps, picture urself visually (this helps me wen im depressed) i picture myself at the top of a tree, hanging on by a hand, and i will NOT let go because the fall wil be too traumatic. therefore i spend the whole night willing myself to grab the tree branch with another hand and get myself safely on it again. its a bit silly, but for me, it works.


do you have neone close around you who you could talk to? sounds like thers a lot of stress going on at the moment for you, and i think it would do you good to get sum comfort from someone who is ACTUALLY ther for you.


in the mean time, of coruse u can always come here and grab one of us to talk to. thinking of you mate.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Eternity]

Zach, msg me if you wanna talk - [email protected] I dunno if I can help, but I can understand.

[x hannah x]

Oh Zach! I see you posted this a while ago sohope you are feeling ok now, and I'm sure you're grandma will be fine too. Just beoptomistic if you can, I realise this isn't the easiest thing for an emet to do but try. And please please don't hurt yourself!!!!!!

[NCsmile6]

SOOO sorry to hear about all this Zachary!!! Since it's been almost a week since you posted this, I was just wondering how you are doing. Is your grandmother okay? And you? Are you feeling better? I know how incredibly overwhelming life can get sometimes. I mean, things just pile up and it's so hard to deal with so many things at once.I can completely relate to you.


I hope things are better now and that you are no longer feeling that way!!


Again, I know how you feel. I have been there one too many times, and I have thought the same things you said you were thinking. It's really difficult, so if you ever everneed to talk, you can always PM me!

[x hannah x]

How r u feeling now Zach?

[symphonicfaith]

^Just updating my post^

[izzybee]

I'm glad things are starting to seem alot better than they were. I hope that your councelling has helped alot and that it will contine to help you sort out your feelings.


Whats been wrong wiht your grandma (mine is ill also)??


I hope you get your term paper done, just think after wednesday you can go out and be free of your paper. Glad to hear you are feeling better!!

[NCsmile6]

Hey Zachary,


I'm also happy to hear things are looking up!!!


Good luck with your counselor!!


I know about school stress, you're preaching to the choir!![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] In between trying to figure out my majors, and school work, I feel so swamped sometimes!! I just got done with a major research paper but before that, I was stressing out so much trying to get everything done and cite and document every source correctly!! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]Damn MLA format!! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]Sorry, anyway, things are still pretty hectic, but have toned down a bit. I have two more tests next week and then exams before the end of the quarter. So,I know how you probably feel.


I hope that you do very well on your presentation and just as amazing on your test!


Good luck and remember, summer vacation is a coming!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Plus, it always pays off to see good grades on the report card, doesn't it?Edited by: NCsmile6

[pippi]

Good to hear Zach!

[x hannah x]

Woohoo! I'm glad things are looking up, counselling is a great idea. And I'm so happy about your Grandma, you should keep this in your mind so that you can know that even when things are at their worst it canstill get better!
Best of luck
Hannah xxx