Welcome to the International Emetophobia Society | The Web's Largest Meeting Place for People With Emetophobia.
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    860

    Default

    I wanted to come on here and share my story since its been near a
    year since I have been on the forum and I don't recognize quite a
    few screen names anymore.

    I have had emetophobia since I was about 11 years old. I don't know
    honestly to this day what it was that triggered it. I did have a lot of
    stressful events that happened around this age. My mom and dad
    both remarried and after being a only child forever I had three step
    sisters and also a new half brother. That alone was stressful on me.
    So I began to stop eating in fear that I would v*
    During this time my brother was also near 3 years old and he was
    lactose intolerant. He would have horrible bouts of violent v* from
    milk. Not only this but he tended to get sv* a lot as a kid and it was
    always real scary for me. He would have projectile v* and I would
    lock myself in my bedroom.
    Basically for about two years I was anorexic in fear of v*ing. In my
    teen years though I could still be a passanger in a car, ride an
    airplane, go to amusement parks...etc.

    Then all of a sudden I realized in my early twenties that I get motion
    sickness easily. So then I avoided riding in cars with people. I only
    drive myself places. I don't ride on planes or go on boats.

    I got married 4 years ago when I was 24. My husband said he would
    be there for me as best he could but the first year of our marriage
    was rocky to say the least. Whenever I felt n* I would panic and only
    think about "what if I get s*!?" I would be extremely near abusive to
    my husband when he would try to console me. He would try to calm
    me but I would just yell at him and call him mean names and not
    even remember it the next day. I would want to be alone so I would
    shut him out completely. It caused many problems... we had even
    admitted to ourselves at one point we weren't happy and were on the
    verge of divorce. Once I was married I always feared my husband
    getting s* with the sv* He is in the army so the first tour of Iraq in
    2007 was welcoming to me because then I would be ALONE and no
    one would be living with me that could have a sv* that was a horrible
    thing to think.

    During that deployment I made a command decision to change
    myself while he was gone. I would change myself for the better. I
    finally after seeing probably ten therapists found a fabulous
    psychologists who finally told me that what I was doing was all
    behavorial. That it was up to me to make the difference. I needed to
    change the way I think and things I tell myself.

    I am so happy to report that in the year that my husband returned
    from 2008 to current. He even has seen such an improvement. I
    have learned how to recognize anxiety and how to just kind of
    acknowledge it and redirect my thoughts. I can usually talk myself
    out of a panic attack within ten minutes. I don't yell at my husband
    anymore. I can tell the difference between anxiety induced n* and n*
    which honestly 95% of the n* is anxiety induced.


    During this year I have gone from pitfalls to triumphs. I just wanted
    to share those with you. It helps me to remember that I can do this.

    During this summer my husband woke up at 4 am was s* a few times
    and my bathroom is in our bedroom and he didn't have time to shut
    the door. The entire time my heart was racing through my chest but I
    forced myself to listen to it. As bad as I wanted to I did NOT cover or
    plug my ears. The pitfall was I cleaned the entire bathroom with
    bleach and would not use it until I did but atleast I listened to him v*
    and was able to sleep right afterward.

    Then I went to an ice cream social for military families last month.
    There were a ton of kids there. For one I actually ATE out
    \"Dance like no one is watching, Love like you will never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like heaven on earth!\" Mark Twain

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,455

    Default

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's amazing how you've been able to come so far. I'm hoping to get to that point one day, where I can see or hear it and not panic Very well done!


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    You may find these links helpful!


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    410

    Default

    WOW thats Great!!! I really am glad you shared your story with us! I really like what you had to say. I liked you told us it was behavioural and I think I could learn a lot from your story! THANK YOU!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]
    Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle But if you can\'t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don\'t deserve me at my best

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    860

    Default

    Thank you. I have struggled with this for so long and even though I
    have made progress it took a lot of work on my part. It takes a
    whole lot of reconditioning to what you brain thinks. Immediately
    when your presented a situation with v* you have the fight or flight
    response leading to complete panic attack. I cant mislead you to
    think its been an easy transform because it was not. I took a full
    year to get here and I still need improvement. However it is pretty
    amazing that I can now know what is anxiety n* and physical n* and
    most the time with physical n* which honestly is maybe only 5% of
    the time and even then its something I have ate that was greasy bad
    for me or high in caffiene. In these cases I am not going to feel n*
    forever and I have to remind myself this all the time.

    My real pitfall now is myself actually v* There have been times when
    I felt n* and could feel the v* rise in my throat ready to do the deed
    and I would do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in my power not to v*
    and to this day... still do. I begin to take anti emetics so I wont v* My
    therapist has reminded me that there is a reason my stomach needs
    to reject what is in it. That whatever is there needs to be expelled for
    its own health and my own health. It recognizes a "poision" of sorts
    in it and needs to get rid of it. So me holding it in like that is only
    making things worse for my health. I try to tell myself this over and
    over but I still have not made much improvement there.

    She did also remind me that you can v* even when you have not
    eaten anything and it is often worse. Acidic in taste because it is
    basically bile. ewww. So I eat out often now and eat meats and
    seafood all the time.

    I hope this year I can overcome myself v* Its gives me anxiety just
    thinking about it. *sigh* Thanks for listening.
    \"Dance like no one is watching, Love like you will never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like heaven on earth!\" Mark Twain

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    410

    Default

    thank you. I would never expect it to be easy in the slightest especially knowing we've suffered since childhood! I think thats my biggest issue is myself actually V* I will fight it tooth and nail not to V*
    Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle But if you can\'t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don\'t deserve me at my best

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    860

    Default

    Me too Kassie and sometimes its so rediculous to me when I REALLY
    think about. Here I will be on the verge of v* but I panick so I take
    one or two anti emetics to try to force it to go away. I know I would
    feel better to let it be done but aghhh. I can't even think about doing
    it myself without getting tense.


    So another triumph today. You guys won't believe this. My boss
    today said she ate some bad fish for lunch and started v* at work.
    She even took a garbage bag with her on the way home. She looked
    pretty s*
    This was the crazy part to me: I work as a teller and so she sold me
    all her cash and gave me the key etc for her station. So basically I
    used her station she had been working on all day even though I
    knew she was s* and v*ing. Guess what? I never got nervous. I
    never once sanitized the heck out of the station and surrounding
    area. Nor did I sanitize the phone! wow. That was big for me. Part of
    me DOES worry that she has a sv* and not fp* and that I may get it.
    So I took extra precuation to wash my hands a lot and not use the
    bathroom she was getting s* in. Other than that I was sitting there
    talking to her like a normal human being not nervous at all. Using her
    station with out getting out the lysol. I think that deep down I also
    know lysol doesn't one hundred percent work so why even attempt
    with lysol when thats all we have??? ya know?

    Another crazy thing. My stomach hurts and I not nervous about it. I
    can also have slight or mild n* now without panicking too bad.

    Wow... I really hope I can keep this up!

    Trying very hard to block the "what if she has a sv* and I catch it"
    stupid what ifs!
    \"Dance like no one is watching, Love like you will never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like heaven on earth!\" Mark Twain

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    860

    Default

    So my boss made it to work today. She looked completely fine. She
    said she felt awful and that she only got s* once but had d* but also
    that she had fish that was only 3 dollars that alone should have told
    her something! lol ... oh well. She was fine today didn't even last 12
    hours she said.

    Whats hard for me at the moment is my stomach feels off, mild n*
    kind of hot and acidy feeling and heavy like lead weight which I hate
    and my husband seriously has restless leg syndrome so he is always
    moving which moves the bed around and my poor stomach just feels
    like crap when he does that. Makes me extremely aggitated right
    now. I am trying to be ok with it. He can tell though I am annoyed. I
    just cant stand the constant moving!!! it shakes the whole damn bed
    and in turn my stomach!!! These are moments when I really enjoy
    sleeping by myself. I am not really anxious right now.. just more
    aggitated, annoyed and getting pissy. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]
    \"Dance like no one is watching, Love like you will never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like heaven on earth!\" Mark Twain

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    410

    Default

    I usually sleep on the couch! that is great you didnt sanitize everything!!!
    Im selfish, impatient and a little insecure I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle But if you can\'t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don\'t deserve me at my best

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    860

    Default

    I am dissapointed in myself today. My husband is about to deploy
    again and he wanted me to actually go with him some where and do
    something he enjoys because he said he is tired of people always
    asking him where is wife is and why I don't go places. So I decided I
    needed to fullfill that wish for him. So we went to a football game
    (MLS soccer) in Seattle.

    Well first some triumphs I guess. We ate at some bar that had a
    buffet style breakfast and I ate stuff like ham and potatoes and
    bacon. I was fine but then we started walking like 4 blocks to the
    stadium which usually would be no big deal but I had just ate a ton
    and I could feel the food in my stomach sloshing around as I walked
    it was awful!! I could feel myself starting to panic at that point but
    kept it together then we got there only to stand in line with a ton of
    people for over 30 minutes. I felt really crappy and then they finally
    let us in and there were just soo many people and we were sitting in
    the middle seats so I started to panic more because if I needed to
    leave I would have a hard time leaving. I started to get mean to my
    husband and tell him I shouldn't have came and I wanted to go
    home. Yet in my mind I wanted to stick it out for him. I sat there kind
    of uncomfortably for another 25 minutes... I was feeling super n*
    from walking after eating all that greasy breakfast buffet food. So I
    gave in and took an anti emetic. I try so hard NOT to take those. I
    get dissapointed because in a way I feel like I am tricking myself or
    cheating my way to feeling better....but sure enough 15 mins after
    taking it I started relaxing and feeling 100% better and was able to
    enjoy the first half of the game unfortunately though by the second
    half my anti emetics were and still ARE kicking my booty and making
    me want to go night night. Sooo I hope this makes sense because I
    feel like I am having a hard time producing proper sentences. lol....
    so I guess the story of my day is both triumphs and pitfalls.
    \"Dance like no one is watching, Love like you will never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like heaven on earth!\" Mark Twain

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •