I’m not alone *GRAPHIC*

[foley9278]

Hello everyone! My name is Michelle and I am new to this site. I have been an emetophobe for over 20 years and this phobia runs my life. I was excited to find this site and see that I am not alone. Everyone who knows me finds it strange that I am like this. People always ask why I am so afraid of v*, what made me this way so here is my story. When I was in the 6th grade we had a movie day and this girl v* all over the place. I don't know what was wrong with her but she starting playing in it, eating it and rubbing it on her body! After that day I wouldn't eat or swallow my own spit and this went on for several months. When I began to eat again I would stick to safe foods like crackers and preztels. If I ate anything else I would just chew the food and spit it out not allowing myself to swallow anything. I figured if I had nothing in my stomach I couldn't v*. I did this for about 6 years on and off until I graduated from high school.

Fast forward to present day, I haven't v* in 11 years but I have many stomach issues. I have IBS and I am lactose intolerant. I do eat but very little outside of my home because I am always scared that I am going to get sick. I am 31 years old and I want to have children but I cannot get over this phobia and feel I will not be able to care for my children because of this. I have been reading a lot of the posts on here and it seems that there are many members with kids. Everyone tells me that I will be able to handle it if my kid were to v* because it will be my own child but I don't think that I would be able to. How do the members with kids handle this?

I know this was long, but it feels good to tell this to people that would understand how I feel and not just think I am crazy.

Michelle [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[kellybeth]

Wow. What a story! What I want to know is what the heck was wrong with that girl? I could understand if that happened in pre-school but 6th grade? I don't think so. Maybe she had Emetophelia and couldn't help herself?

Any who, Welcome to the site!! I also had a problem swallowing my spit. I would spit it out in to wash cloths. That went on for years. I am 32 years old and no longer spit out my salvia but I do very much still have emet pretty bad.

I hope you find as much comfort from this site that I have.

[kristin1980]

I second that "wow" sounds like that girl also has some sort of
mental condition... obviously. Like emetophelia like Kellybeth said..
either way that would be entirely way too disturbing for a child of that
age to see. How traumatic for you!! No wonder.. I would have some
serious emet if i had not before after that incident. You poor thing.

Welcome to the forum.. this is a great place where people will
understand you. I will be 29 in a few months and don't have any
children myself either. I am terrified of children honestly. Terrified
also of being pregnant. I dont think I would be able to take care of a
child without rubbing my problems off on them. Sooo therefore I dont
have them and up to recently found out i may not be able to have
them anyways due to fertility issues that I didn't even know I had. So
maybe its just really not meant to be for me. There are however
many mothers here that can help out! How they do it.. I dont know!

anyways welcome again!

[callahan]

Woah... I can see why that event was traumatic. The thought of it makes me feel ill.

I'm one of the moms on here. She was a whoops but I'm happy to have her. I planned on not having any kids because of my emet. I'm glad I accidently got pregnant because she is amazing!!!! There have been 2 times where she was ill that I couldn't handle. I handled them better than I would a complete stranger or even a friend being sick... because it is MY daughters sick. That factor does help. It doesn't make it easy, it still sucks. But she's 110% worth it. Right now in therapy I am not trying to stop being afraid of it... I am trying to stop thinking about it every day. My daughters been sick twice in her 2 years of life... look at all those really really good days in between!

[foley9278]

It was a tramatic event and I usually refer to it as "the incident" and all my friends know what I am referring to. That girl did have some issues, I never saw her again after that year(thank god),but I heard that she was home schooled.

Callahan, I feel that is the only way I will ever have a child is if it's an accident. I think about it all the time and am constantly bugged by my mother for a grandchild. She even tells me that she will take care of the kid if they were to get sick. How is therapy going? I have never gone but I am really considering it. I feel that if I continue to live like this eventually I won't leave my house.

[ejb199]

welcome to the site Michelle. no wonder u are traumatised by the event at school - how horrid.

im nearing 29 and dont have any kids. i doubt my ability to cope during pregnancy but also afterwards with the child. all my none emet friends and family all say " oh its diff when its ur child" but i highly doubt that. i think i could deal with baby sick ok - our friends baby has been sick a few times in front of me and it really was just milk. but its when they get older and start picking things up at school...

i am constantly bugged too - mainly by my mother in law! shes kind of stopped now coz i think she knows it doesnt really help! her daughter is due in october so its taken the pressure of me and hubby for a while! shes said tho that she thinks it would be sad not to have a child coz of the emet. as in genuinely sad - not uncool or stupid sad. i agree, it would be sad to let the phobia stop me. but its so damn hard isnt it!! anyways, welcome! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[callahan]

Trust me I understand how you both feel. I was dead set on not having any kids. And honestly, sometimes I feel jealous of people who are not. The constant fear sucks- but that's why I'm in therapy. And on a positive note, I always have the reminder that 99 percent of the time she is not sick. And we have fun together, we play and learn and dance and cuddle and drink juice from the same cup with two straws. LOL.

Really, I'm no one to talk. I really really really want one more baby. Like I want to be pregnant RIGHT NOW. They would be almost 3 years apart. And that's the biggest space I want between children. But I'm on BC and I'm not going off it. The thought of having two germ finders in my household scares the crap out of me. Then one gets sick and I'm a nervous wreck for the next week til the other one catches it. I just can't do it. So yes, I'm a mom. But not to as many kids as I want. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[sarahlynn]

Welcome to the site, Michelle! I'm so glad that you've found us - it really does help me to have everyone here to talk to about this stuff. No one in real life really truly gets it!

I am an emet-mama - and the fact that I'm a mama is exactly why I'm actively trying to get over this damn phobia!! I have been an emetophobe basically my whole life (from sometime as a child, can't recall an exact event that started it all... My younger bro was sick a lot as a child, so I attribute my issues to him to some degree). Anyway... on the subject of having kids - I was scared to death to get pregnant, but I've always known that I want kids and I was determined not to let my phobia get in the way!! My 1st pg'cy was somewhat of an accident - we didn't really "try" for it, but weren't being careful and knew that pg'cy could happen! When I first found out I was pregnant, I was freaking out - my first thought is how can *I* handle being pregnant (and probably/possibly getting sick from m/s!!!)??? And the next thought was how will I ever be able to care for my kid when they're sick!???

Well the first part was easy enough (especially considering my main phobia is of others v*'ing, not myself), though the nausea was awful & I didn't eat much during the 1st trimester, I got through it w/out v*ing!!

As for dealing w/ my daughter when she v*'s - well it's only happened one "real" time (other than baby spit up - which doesn't bother me)..... I was freaked but thank god my hubby was there & took care of most everything. It happened during the night, in her crib (she was about 20 mo's old at the time, and it was "real v" not just spit up!!). I was shocked at how well I handled it, even though I was so freaked and shaky, I was actually able to hold her (after hubby undressed her & took the soiled clothes/bedding down to the washing machine!) and was able to get her dressed and help her back to bed. My hubby even commended me later on that he thought I had handled it VERY well (he knows of my phobia & is very supportive).

I am SO anxious on a daily basis that my daughter will v*, and I get especially anxious about it at night (probably since that's when it happened last time). I am hoping to overcome the phobia alltogether, but at the very least I NEED to overcome the daily anxiety and mini-panic attacks (as I call them) that revolve around worrying that "IT" might happen.

Sorry for the novel! Welcome to the site!! Looking forward to getting to know you more [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]