tired of being afraid

[mrsgrady]

Hi Everyone!
I'm new to this forum and am so glad that I found it! I have had this phobia since I was 16 years old and I am now 40 years old. I've learned how to breathe through panic attacks, pace and deal with it, but like most of us I have good days and bad days. Unfortunately, it's almost flu season again, so...here we go. I have a loving and supportive husband who knows but I don't think really understands the extent of my phobia. Because I'm 40, the subject of children comes up alot...I'm just so afraid. I feel caught between many difference emotions about it. I love children and used to dream of having 3 or 4. However, the year I turned sixteen, my whole life changed...and not for the better. I'm just so afraid of everything that comes with children...first of all, morning sickness and then down the road when the children get sick...I just don't know if I can handle it. I also am afraid of being a mother who passes this horrible phobia on to her children...I often say I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm also torn because I don't want to get to the end of my life and regret not having had children. I'm also afraid of losing my husband over this. Wow, that's alot of "I'm also afraid's". I'd love to hear from any of you who have children or who have faced this situation. Thank you for this website! I plan to visit often. It makes a world of difference having a place to go where people understand.

MrsGrady

[tanechka1984]

What do you think of adopting a child?
I'm going to do it.

[alwaysafraid]

Nice to meet you. Welcome! I don't have any children, but find myself in a similar situation to you being almost 35 years old. I truly don't think I want kids, mostly from my emet fears. But I wonder one day if I'll regret that decision. Have you considered getting some therapy? I presume your husband knew you were thinking no kids when you married him so I'm guessing no kids is ok with him too. But if it isn't and you're considering it there's medications and therapy that might be helpful. Welcome to the forum...I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.

[mrsgrady]

I'm looking into getting some therapy. My husband knew about all the fears I had, and my phobia and the effect they had on having children. I think maybe he thought I'd just "get over it". So, he is interested in children although he says it's not a "deal breaker" for him. I just feel that he might come to resent me If we don't have any kids. There I go again with the what if's about the future! Thanks for your response. I'll keep you posted. Oh, I see you're from Canada. I've lived in the States for 13 years, but I'm originally from Saskatchewan.

[mrsgrady]

We have talked about the possibility of adoption, but those kids v* too!

[tanechka1984]

We have talked about the possibility of adoption, but those kids v* too!

But at least you won't have to deal with morning sickness)

[daydreamgalaxy]

Luckily my boyfriend who has 3 kids, ( we all live together , his 3 kids, my 1 kid and him and I) luckily, it doesnt bother him, so he is able to be the one to "deal" while I hide in the bedroom or go to a motel, which I have done before. I dont think that you should NOT have kids, They are great. Things are especially great during the summer when its less likley that they will get sick, but If you and your husband can talk and he can understand more to the EXTENT of your fear, you may be able to make a plan that you can work through. Im not an expert, but I know that my boyfriend and I have had the talk many times, and it feels better that he knows what is going on with me, heck, even the kids (ages 13,11, and 9) they know that we do not even Talk about "that" in this house.

[antiv03]

Hi mrsgrady! I hear you; not a day passes where I don't think about the possibility of my wonderful husband leaving me over my fears of having children. He wants children so badly, and I feel beyond awful that I don't share his enthusiasm at times. Most days, I do think that I want children. On bad days where my emetophobia dominates, I think "How could I ever be a mother? Can I really do this?" Then again, I also think of how much it would suck to grow old and be alone, all because of a stupid fear!

My husband came to my therapy session today for the first time, and when the subject of having children came up I totally lost it [img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]However, both the therapist and my husband have been very supportive (it definitely helps me to look at the positives of this situation!) And obviously, the support of caring people on this site who can relate helps too [img]smileys/smilies_13.gif[/img] I'm glad that you found/joined the site! And I hope that if you do seek therapy that you find someone compassionate who is with you every step of the way [img]smileys/smilies_14.gif[/img]

[mrsgrady]

Thank you so much for the advice. We have talked alot about everything lately and continue to talk about it. Having my husband join me at therapy would be a good idea. I'll keep you posted. Although I've been very busy lately, it has really made me feel better know that this site is here!!! Take Care,