When I was younger and living with my family (2 younger brothers), sv* was ALWAYS on my mind. Every night, my heart would burst out of my chest at any small noise.
I'd sleep in my clothes "just in case" it happened at night. I'd put a mattress pad or blanket or towels beside my bed. If someone was sick I'd force myself to sleep on my side, at the edge of the bed...just knowing it would hit me in the middle of the night. I'd also go days without wearing my retainer for fear of that extra step of having to remove it. (It was horrible, a ONE piece thing, like football players wear almost only fitted to my teeth and with 4 tiny holes)
It was constantly on my mind. I had so many rituals, it's not even funny.
Now that I am older (and have Layla), I've made progress with my phobia:
<ul>[*]I don't spend all my time thinking about it, though I will never think about it normally.[*]When I do think about it, instead of thinking "please don't let this happen to me, I'd rather die", I actually say to myself "please, if it happens let me handle it well."[*]While I fear the sv* still, I'm not afraid of me throwing up. (It's the lack of control that comes with the sv* that scares me, not the act... (I've learned that part of the fear is a control issue, and by taking control if I feel sick and letting it happen I will feel better, then I am in control and so I no longer fear the act)[*]I fear other people more now, because it's twice the worry. First dealing with them, then worrying about everyone else (including me) catching it from them.[*]I will not panic if it happens...I know my heart will speed up, my body will have that panic reaction, but I will not let my mind contribute. I know I can handle anything, that is how I handled my pregnancy and that attitude goes a long way.[/list]
I know this is long and no one will read it but I just wanted to put these thoughts into words.
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