I did "IT" this morning...I v* (GRAPHIC)

[NCsmile6]

THIS IS GOING TO BE AVERY GRAPHIC POST, SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPROCEED W/ CAUTION! I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYONE ANXIETY! I KNOW WE'RE ALL AT DIFFERENT LEVELS, SO I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU.....


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The title is right...I did "it."


So now I have <st1:date M&#111;nth="10" Day="28" Year="2004">October 28, 2004</st1:date> to add to the list of dates that I was sick. You guys, "IT" really happened this morning around 6:45 a.m., and I don't know what to feel right now...shock, relief, fear, pain, hurt, anger, frustration,betrayal, disbelief...maybe a mix of all of those. Probably mostly shock and disbeliefthough. I didn't think I had it in me! Good GOD!!! I was terrified!!!! I still am!!!!! I feel it can happen any moment again...I still feel that sickness/nausea feeling.


I had been up all night long fearing and awaiting "it's" arrival. I could not sleep nor rest.I would go to sleep, only to be woken up a few minutes later with this crippling nausea and really bad stomach pains. I camped out downstairs in front of the television set because I did not want to befar away from my parents.It was the night straight out of hell!! I can't tell you guys how horrified I was or how sick I felt or just how....you know...you know exactly what I mean. It's beyond words for me.It was my worst fear coming true. I'm sitting here crying right now, writing this post. I don't know why I'm so emotional. It’s over (I hope and pray). I still don't think it has hit me fully yet. I don't know whether I think I'm dreaming or watching a movie or what...but it hasn't dawned on me yet that"it" happened. I haven't fully been able to reflect on the experience. But I still have tear in my eyes.


I'll do my best to describe what I can minus the disgusting details.


You guys know I have been under tremendous stress lately with school. I haven't been able to be around as frequently as I was before, and I didn't plan on coming here until my quarter ended in two weeks because I have a lot of stuff to do still. But this happened, and I need some support. And you know the OCD has been almost worse than ever. I talked to the lady who was in charge of students with learning disabilities atmy school (I was very overwhelmed with school work and had tested a few years ago for a learning disability in math)and she strongly suggested I drop a class. (This was my first time taking 11 hours)(We go by quarters and 8 hours is a full time load). So I dropped math a few weeks ago and also got a few concessions if needed on my tests or assignments in my other classes. This helped some,but it didn'treally solve the problem. I was still killing myself for my classes, pulling all-nighters and stressing myself out and pushing myself to finish assignments on time. Itried my best not touse the extended time, butsometimes it was inevitable because I would work myself into such astress and suc

[NCsmile6]

P.S...it didn't help that they have a shortage of flu vaccines and I didn't get my flu shot, as I always do,so I was really neurotic when I found out they were sick.

[lizard79]

aww poor neha! i hope you start feeling better. you were there for me back in january when i V***.


let us know how you are feeling!





elizabeth

[Jenneh]

Neha -- i was wondering how u were.... didnt expect to read that from you mind!


that sounds like a pretty damn scary experience... for us emets anyway... but look at you, you got thru it. but i hope this has made u think tht u GOTTA LOOK AFTER UR BODY. lol. my friend who im tlkng to right now, has just told me that shes killing herself trying to get all this wrk done at university. there comes a time wen u gotta stop and think, "if i carry on lke this, im gnna be dead before i even get the chance to pursue my career" ok, so maybe thats a LITTLE dramatic.. but u no wot i mean?


welldone for getting thru that tho. maybe next time its not gnna be quite as scary for you.


lots of love, Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jenneh]

oh, and i just want to say .. good luck with the englsih teaching. u hvent disappointed anyone by not doing spanish... im sure ur good enough, but if u've decided u'd be better off as an english teacher, then fair enough. dont feel bad about it


Jen xxx

[NCsmile6]

Jen and Elizabeth,


Thanks for your support and replies and well wishes!!!


I am still in disbelief myself!!!


I still have a bit of a tummy ache, but I'm hoping it's out of exhaustion. I still haven't found the courage to sleep yet. In a way I'm tired, but in another way, I'm wide awake!


But I agree Jen with what you said. I do need to start taking care of myself! Because you are right, if I keep killing myself now, will I even be around to enjoy my life and career later? I am a person after all! A lot of times the OCD and perfectionism kicks in (well all the time) and I push myself way too had.


But thank you both for your concern!

[NCsmile6]

oh, and i just want to say .. good luck with the englsih teaching. u hvent disappointed anyone by not doing spanish... im sure ur good enough, but if u've decided u'd be better off as an english teacher, then fair enough. dont feel bad about it


Jen xxx

Awww Jen, Thanks for believing in me!!!! I missed you guys SOO much!!! **HUGS** Sorry that it took something like this to bring me back! [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

[alliecat]

Hey! You did beautifully. You handled that very well. I think with most people there is just a point where you can't handle severe nausea anymore, and even as emets, we end up having to let it go... other wise, we'd drive ourselves crazy. I mean, we already do, but even worse! You did very well. Keep us updated on how you feel.


Allie

[donna1216]

Neha!!
I am so sorry you had to endure that!!![img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]I just came back to the site myself and I have been wondering how you are!! I guess I know now!! You poor thing, at least your mother was there for you!!
And as always, I know you will do GREAT in school!!

[kentuckygalrk]

Aw Neha!


I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that, but at the same time I'm SO proud of you for finally just taking control... no you did NOT give in... you took control of the situation and did what YOU had to do to make yourself feel better. Just going in there and even standing in front of the sinkmust have takea tremendous amount of courage )


Get LOTS of rest today and drink plenty of fluids... gatorade or some type of sports drink is best to keep your electrolytes up, but most of all just concentrate on feeling better and don't let it stress you out, it's done, you did it and now you can go from here!


Feel better sweetie!


~Rachel

[2jo2]

Wow, Neha, WOW!!!!! You handled it well, including writing this post and hashing it out to rationalize the situation. I'm really proud of you!!! I honestly have wondered how all of you who have recently v*d have gotten the strength to come on here and write just after it happens.


I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to eat, drink or sleep. I think that stuff leading up to doing it, like you described, sleeping for a minute and waking up, that is what I'm afraid of. I think your body will just take over when it has to, but you did really well!!


Try and curl up with Jessie and take a nap, start drinking something, nice and slow, every 15 minutes. I hope you feel better really soon!


Hugs to you!

[SullyMel]

I'm so sorry Neha that you are feeling so badly. I hope you feel better soon. You did handle that very well. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[Galadriel]

Hey Neha!!!


OMG you poor thing!! Man I feel so bad for you!! You did it tho!! You survived!!! It sounds like things were just getting way too stressful for you at college, so you became susceptable to getting a bug. I am so proud of you tho!! You did it and you lived and you made it through!! I know when its going on its horrifying in a way, its odd because your partly amazed that you can do it, and partly disgusted and horrified at yourself. Just take today to chill out and rest some. It sounds like your going to start feeling better. Ususally if you've stopped being sick, then you tend to start getting better, tho your stomach may feel off for a few days. Drink little sips!


Don't feel bad about the teaching!! To be honest, I have been contemplating becoming a history teacher!! Im thinking about it, but Im not sure what to do exactly with myself. I hope things work out and that you find just what you love to do!! I know its tough, but theres nothing wrong with switching majors or anything. Its good you found this out now.


Feel better soon!!!Btw I agree with having Jessie near you! She'll help cheer you up! When I was sick, I had Goldie (my dog) near me most of the time, and she didnt care when I was sick, and it was just comforting to have her there. She slept through the whole thing beside me on the couch tho! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]Edited by: Galadriel

[sarahx]

Awww Neha xxxx


Sounds awful *gulps* i dont know hat id do if i actually was sick [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]. I hope that its over for you now and you recover quickly.


Sarah xxx

[crazybeautiful]

Oh my god. Neha, you're so brave, I'm proud of you handling that so well. I don't think I could, no I know I couldn't.

[mbs730]

Aww Neha you tropper you! You did awesome IMHO! Yep I know that shock feeling! That is exactly how I felt on both October 1 and on the 20th! How are you doing now? I hope okay. I'll be thinking of you and I am so greatful for all of the support you have given me. Stress is a killer isnt it??? I know this is easier said than done considering what you have been going through but... try to rest as much as you can and take it easy as much as you can. Is there anything else you can do with your math?? Math was an awful subject for me too. I know how that is! Uggh. Well you know my AIM handle if you need me


Miriam

[Babydoll]

sigh Im so jealous. I almost wish that was me and I could just do it and not be afraid. fortuantly, I thinka strong stomach runs in ym family bacsue my dad hasnt thrown up in over 10 years and he's not even emet, and its been about 12 or 13 years for me.


your so brave! I hope you feel better! i knwo that when it happens to me it will be lifechanging.

[emmab]

Well done you seemed to handle i really well.

[SimplyMe]

Aww, I'm so sorry you went thru all of that! But I am proud of you too! I mean from what you said you fought it to a point and then just said "Hell w/ it" and let it happen! You could have sat there and suffered and felt horrible and kept fighting but you were brave enough to let it happen! That's amazing! That is ironic that the emt in your house would get the sick part of a stomach bug and your parents didn't but then you never know maybe they "held it in" so not to frighten you or maybe because you were so stressed your immune system was down more than theirs? In any event you are soooo brave and should be so proud of yourself! As for the spanish teacher thing, you didn't let anyone down and didn't prove any skeptic right, you changed your mind which is a womans perogitive! As for not getting a flu shot they don't protect you from stomach stuff anyhow so that wouldnt have had anything to do w/ this. Again, I'm very proud of you and feel bad that it happened but glad you handled it all so well. Be kind to yourself, forget about school and get better, I'm sure your teachers will understand. I hope you feel ebtter soon and will give you a call to check on you!

[terified girl]

You are a very brave person for I would never have let it happen, and you did warn us over and over again how graphic your story was yet I couldn't stop reading, and now I am freaked out but please do not blame yourself, I am the only one to blame. I feel your terror passing thru me and I don't want to imagine going thru what you went thru, but maybe, just maybe, and here are where the excuses help me to feel better....You had the runs and even though you tried convincing yourself it wasn't the bug, your body felt your feel and you were so anxious that thats why you were really sick and it wasn't at all because of the flu. Or maybe it was the flu and even by being ever so careful with being clean, maybe your mom after her ordeal prepared you your lunch or supper and her hands weren't entirely clean and thats how you caught it???? Is it at all possible, god I love my theory about how if we keep our selves clean when in public that we will be ok, I mean the stomach flu is not an airborne thing, Gosh now I am freaking out. Sometimes I can handle reading this stuff and sometimes I can't.

[rhinoseri]

Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Though, you did handle it well. If I were in your place now, I'd probably be going crazy.


Also, I hope all your schoolwork goes well.

[party_boi3423]

Blimey! I would not have coped as well as you had. I would've freaked out. I keep thinking my stomach is a time bomb that will vomit any second. After I last v*********, that's how i felt and i was walking around the house with a bucket and i just looked incredibly stupid being this weirdo who constantly needed a bucket with him.


For eating and drinking, drink in small sips of water at a time. Because you are dehydrated, fluid is important although you need to let your stomach settle as well so take it slow. For eating, I suggest toast or something. Something resonably solid so it cant come up again easily lol sorry if i made anyone nauseous there. However, A great idea is ice lollies. They are great if you are getting over having been sick because it is cool which means you wont get dehydrated easily from it, and it is a substitute for food. The only other thing i can suggest is Iced chips lol?


Anyway, I think you coped amazingly and I am so so proud of you for how youve done. Let me know how you feel later.


Best Wishes, Chris


PS - Good luck with the english teaching. You'll do great! English is a subject I find extremely hard so good on youEdited by: party_boi3423

[snowangel]

NCsmile
you were there for me in april and may when I had a panic attack...I cant beleive it happened to you...someone said it best when they said they were JEALOUS&gt;...I am too..I just want to get my V over with...its gonna be a real long time for you hun...hang in there and good luck in school

[NCsmile6]

Hey everybody! This is going to be a reallyshort reply and I'm sorry for that,but I just wanted to let y'all know how I was doing. I will post again tomorrow after I get back from school.


After I got done with that post, I lounged around the house a little bit. (My mom had gone to the grocery store to pick me up a few things.) So I was home alone with Jessie, who, you are right, made all the difference in the world by him just being there. He really stood by me which made me feel comforted.He really sensed that I wasn't feeling good and just was by my side.I could not go to sleep at that timethough because I was still uncertain about whether or not it would happen again. I had a really bad stomach ache and some nausea and heartburn.The uncertainty was killing me, but I managed to just relax on the couch for two hours just watching television. Don't ask me how I did it. Although I was scared of the possibility of "it" happening again, I knew that I COULD do it, since I had done it before and survived,if that makes sense and the first time is always the most scary in my opinion, so maybe that helped some. Anyway, when my mom got back from the store, I felt really safe that she was there.She gave me some Gatorade, which I reluctantly drank at first, but now I have been takingsmall sips periodically throughout the day. I still haven't eaten anything and don't plan to for a while. One step at a time, right? I slept for most of the day, on and off (I think that's when I got your call Simply...which meant a lot to me, thanks for checking up on me! I knew were long gone to classby the timeI woke up soI thought I'd call you back later.) Anyhow, the resting felt so good, because I was tired and weak out of my mind and it felt good to just forget about everything, let it go, and just concentrate on myself for a while. The day passed very fast and luckily nothing happened!! I wasn't sick again!! I do have a case of the runs, which is no fun, but at least it isn't the latter, right? I'd take the runs over the other any day! I am starting to feel better and stronger (thanks to thelong napand the Gatorade, but there is one more thing that made me feel so much better....you guys!


Your replies and support and well wishes and heartfelt messages meant and still mean a lot to me! More than you will ever know! I cried when I read them (which I always get emotional when reading an emet's reply, so it's not unusual.) I am just so touched that so many of you replied and care about me!!! I felt not so alone and just having you guys understand was more than I could possibly ask for! So thank you for being a family. =D I love you all so much and would like to give you all avirtual hug, but I don't know if stomach viruses are internet-bourne or not. lol (I wouldn't have this sense of humor had it not been for all of your sweet posts andyoursupport!) You guys said I was brave, which I didn't understand. I spent almost the whole night in pure nausea/panicky hell, and I didn't have any other choice but to let myself be sick in the morning. I was at that point, like Allie said, where the nausea was just too much for me and I was so sick of it that I needed for it to go away by any means possible. I knew that if I had prolonged it anymore that I would only feel worse and I didn't have the strength to keep going with the panic and nausea. I knew it had to happen at some point, and I didn't want it to creep up on me if that makes any sense. I would've rather been able to have some control over myself, and it,so I did it while I still had some control. I still don't think it's dawned on me yet that I was sick. I think it'll take a while longer to process. I unfortunately have to say that this wasn't an emet-altering experience. I am still terrified to death of v* and if it had to happen again, I would probably spend all that time panicking and trying to hold it in aga

[snowangel]

your post is so inspiring...knowing that it is possible to face your fears...you overcame the absolute worst and I hope you are feeling MUCH better...as much as you dont want to admit it I know you are. here are "after-"v***" safe foods: <ul>[*]crackers[*]dry toast[*]gatorade (replenishes lost minerals and vitamins)[*]gingerale[*]white rice cures the runs[*]yogart (beleive it or not cures the runs) reason is the bacteria in the yogart hardens the bowel[*]tea no sugar[*]stay away from dairy[*]mashed potatoes[/list]<ul>[*]jello

[NCsmile6]

Thanks SnowAngel!


I'm afraid that my post did more harm though! I feel bad that all of these people are feeling ill and are scared! I feel like it is somehow my fault! I hope that everyone does realize that I am VERY far away from you guys! I am in Texas, and it could just be the weather down here! It's very far from Canada!! Please don't worry on my account!!


I have one more question: Is soup okay to eat? I've always eaten it in the past when I had something like this. My mom bought Lipton Chicken Noodle which is very hard to find here! It's a favorite of mine! I just hope I can muster up the courage to eat something!

[Galadriel]

Hey Neha!!!


That was a very sweet thank you!! I do think you are very brave, because think about it...how brave is it to do something when your not afraid of it at all? Not one ounce of bravery there!! But you were scared to DEATH and you STILL did it, and in my book that is the kind of bravery that wins medals.


Its also something that your going to school tomorrow!! That to me is brave as well! Im glad Jessie was a help! Dogs can be great companions like that! I hope your feeling better soon Neha, just take it slow with the liquids. I would say chikkin noodle soup is good to eat. Feel better soon!! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sage]

hey neha,


hugs your way!


try to use the opportunity for "cognitive therapy" on yourself. Whatever you do, don't spend a lot of time telling yourself how horrible it was. That will just make your phobia worse. Instead, tell yourself that really, it was ok. I mean, it was nasty, but you are still ok. you didn't die. you're ok is all. Honestly, you can either use this experience to help your phobia, or to make it worse. If you can calm down and sit down and think about it in ANY kind of positive light, it will help you eventually. And when you can find even a teeny tiny bit of "light" in it - this darkness, then DWELL ON THAT! Keep saying it over and over and over to yourself (the good thing, whatever it is.) If you work REALLY HARD at finding something positive in the experience, then you can use it to your advantage.


All the best, and hope you're feeling better physically soon!


Love Sage

[HDogg]

Wow! I can't believe you went through that. You really are so brave! The strange thing is, while reading your post, I was almost calmed by it. I thought, "If Neha can do it and live to tell about it, so can I." The way you described it in great detail also helped, because I tried to picture myself there in that situation and it didn't seem like it was all that bad. I don't know if I could ever v* in a toilet. Toilets freak me out. I would probably run outside to the backyard or something if it happens to me. But you are so brave.


Take care of yourself and get lots and lots of rest, as best you can. Take a Dramamine to help yourself fall asleep. I use them more for a sleep aid than anti-nausea medicine anyway. I hope you feel better soon, sweetheart! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Sun666]

Hey Neha!


I am so sorry for you, that you have been sick. I hope you feel better now. The last past night i felt really bad too. And always still in this morning. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]Sometimes i say to me "Maybe it is better if you going to v*", but then I can´t do it. I don´t know how is the feeling and I don´t know how I would handle this. And I am so afraid, because I am living alone, without parents, without a boyfriend.....


I hope you really feel better right now. You was so brave. I admire that really, because i would be certainly rewed up....