OT I don’t know what this is

[hippychick]

Is it off topic even?? lol I don't know. Recently my life took some...weird turns, my relationship is not as stable as it used to be, some days I think we will be ok and other days not. My Job is crap, after 2 and a half months I am still sucking at it. I feel very alone right now and this is where the badness comes in.


Whenever I feellike thisI get the urge to do some very self destructive things, like getting very drunk (which is something I don't agree with normally lol) Like taking risks I shouldn't take, Like self harming. It's like I don't wanna be me anymore and so I get the urge to just do things to block "me" out does that make sense?


I don't know why I am posting this, maybe to see if others do the same or how I should cope. I mean so far I haven't done anything but...yeah. So any thoughts please?

[luckistar2]

I think everyone feels like this at some piont, like you just want to do something to break out of the mold (if I am understanding you correctly).


When I am in a mood like that I usually get something pierced or get a tattoo. Some times you just crave something different, something that is personal and all your own.


I also have taken a couple days off of work and just sat around in my pajamas. Not so much a self pity type of thing but a way to relax without having to shell out the money to travel. Take a vacation but stay at home. Watch your vacation shows, eat junkfood, and don't answer the phone. It is a good way to relieve stress, think, relax, and get a way.


Carly

[Galadriel]

Hey Hippy!!


Well, with your relationship, really evaluate how things are going. I mean everyone faces ups and downs, and sometimes things get a bit rougher sometimes, and people stick it thro and are glad they did. Its a tough call. But please PLEASE dont do anything to harm youself!! It sounds like you would do good tochange jobs. I know thats really tough, but Im sure not enjoying your job is not helping thesituacion.


What are some things you really enjoy? like thinsg that you can do and the time just flies?? try listing some of them here....

[u4ia]

hey there, i used to have thoughts like yours often.


Anything from just getting drunk, or taking drugs again, or just when i am coming home from work to just keep driving until i cant anymore.


I think that its a need for something different in our lives, not to that extent, but just something different out of routine, to do for yourself, to enjoy, to take a break from the everyday.

[trickyvicky]

Louise I'm so sorry to hear u are feeling so deflated at the moment.....I've been in that situation,especially when i first joined the site.....I would say by just reading your post that your job is probably the main thing that is bringing u down,and this can change your mood ,which then brings on different things like trouble in relationship and harming ourselves.....The way i look at it is ,no job is worth putting yourself through hell,so that it makes u ill in the long run....I know u have tried your hardest to stick at your job and even on days that u have left early because the panic was to much,u have still gone back in the next day.....and that shows u are a strong willed women.....if u are feeling unwell and down about yourself,we can make other things around us feel bad,like maybe u are looking more into your relationship being unstable then what it is.....but its probably u that feels unstable and from what i can gather your girlfriend,seems a really nice lady and is very supportive and like anyone we all have our ups and downs......maybe sit down with her and be open about how u feel.....I know its hard but its worth a try......As for harming yourself......i have never harmed myself but been very suicidal and at times really felt alone with no family to turn to but theres something inside me that says NO NO NO !!!!! And harming yourself is not an answer to your problems.....I don't know if u go to any counseling,or have any close friends other then your girlfriend,but maybe chat to them and if its hard then sometimes a stranger is always easier.....If u want i can always give u my tel no as i would have no hesitation in being there for u,like u have for me......BUt please try to keep positive,because its like a wall,once we put our guard up the wall crumbles......I hope this has helped in some way.....and just to say i really do know how u feel....the last 2 weeks for me have been hell,but i feel i have come out a better person for it.....we can do it girl.....keep your chin up and keep smiling


take care give us a shout if u want my number for a chat and i can pm it to u


love Vicky xxx

[Jenneh]

Louise, <hugs>


i hear what ur saying, but if u really were still sucking at your job, wud you employer still keep u on? i got a feeling this is just ur low self esteem speaking... cause i bet ur really not that bad at it, at al.


what u sed about tryin to blkock urself out makes perfect sense. i used to be a self harmer, but hav never made myself drunk or nething to block myself out. but u need to remember that u r a wonderful wonderful person. so its ok to hide but not for too long. ur a very lovely individual who shud be very pleased with who they are. dont lke to hear that ur low self esteem is hitting you on the head.


thoughts of how to cope --- well, do u write things down? i know im always banging on about this, but its really helped me in the past. set aside some time each night to write down how ur feeling, write down ne triumphs uv had, and most importantly some time to treat urself. congratulate urself for getting thru a hard day or whatever. heard the phrase "i am my own worst enemy?" well that phrase fitted me perfectly for a long long time... mayb it does for u too.


sorry if iv made no sense, iv tried to be as coherent as i can be, lol.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxx

[hippychick]

I do suck at my Job, but the place I work for hardly ever fires people, just makes them feel crappy! lol


Thanks for all your kind words, I guess so much has been going on for me lately that I can't even begin to work it out. My relationship is very unstable, and thats not me being pesmistic or anything. It's in trouble and i don't think we can get through it. I feel like I am so sick of being me I want to do anything not to be me for a while. Which makes no sense I know. Yeah I guess you are right there Jenneh with the low self esteem thing. I have had a lot of crap in my life, and a lot has changed for me this year. For a while i was confident but now I don't have any faith in myself.


I can't tell ym girl how I feel because she is going through a horrible time of her own right now and so how I feel isn't really relevent to us.


I just feel so alone and so tired of always being the one who gets s*** from people. I wanna be someone that people like.


Also I'm not very good at being strong for people. For many years i was strong for my family and pushed my feelings to oen side and it led me to a breakdown in the end.


I just wanna forget everything for a while.

[Jenneh]

heya,


whatever your girl is going through, doesnt mean she doesnt WANT and WILL be there for you at this time. i think you should try talk to her, tell her ur aware she has some issues of her own, but does she mind if u just talk for a whle? sometimes it helps people with issues to listen to someone else, it tkes their mind of themselves and can make them feel a bit better.


umm... tell me to keep my nose out ifu lke.. lol.


Jen xxxxx

[hippychick]

lol thats ok Jenneh, but I cnt talk to her right now, she has too much going on and it would only make her feel bad if she knew the horrible time I was going through.


It's all so complicated lol

[Jenneh]

lol, okay.


well still, u will always have all of us. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Jen xxx