Hi - New to the forum from Australia

[nayellie]

Hi everyone Wasnt sure where to post, so sorry if this is the wrong place.

I’m pretty good at hiding. After years of doing it, I guess you get good at it.

I know we all have problems and that we all struggle. My struggle isnt greater than your struggle, but perhaps sharing with you will lighten the burden a little. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just need to shed a little light on my life at the moment and hope that you will walk this journey with me.

I’m sick of hiding who I really am. I am struggling and need to share this. I dont have any support here and people dont understand.

I don’t really know where to start. I’m facing so much stuff I don’t know what to deal with first.

I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I have panic attacks. This has been part of my life for 9 years now in some way or another. It has been worse than it is now, but I don’t think I have ever gotten any better.

Im still having 5-6 panic attacks a day which sometimes stop me from doing things (going out, going to the supermarket, going out anywhere really).

Panic attacks are really hard to explain. Imagine an overwhelming fear that you just cant put your finger on. Your heart is racing, you’re sweating, you feel sick to your stomach, you are dizzy and feel like you are going to faint, everything is moving so fast around you. Then you just have to run from the place you are in, whether it be a friends house, the supermarket or just down the street.

You become the queen of making excuses. I have a million of them waiting to be used so that I can get out of a situation quickly.

I’m never relaxed, I’m always on guard and have no idea what it feels like to be at peace. I wrote this a while ago and may explain just a little more how I am feeling.

Try and explain peace to someone, to anyone.

Try and explain peace to a person who has it. They don’t understand what peace is. They feel it every day. It’s just another feeling for them. It has no meaning and probably never did.

Try and explain peace to a person who doesn’t have it. They will understand. They will understand because they want it so much.

They will understand because they think about peace every day. They want to breathe it, live it, feel it. They want it to invade every crevice of their being. They want it to consume them in such a way that they can feel no other sensation but peace.

Ask the person that has peace what it would feel like if they suddenly lost that sensation. Ask them to imagine their life, their mind, their body, their soul. Ask them to describe to you what it would feel like. Listen to their pain, their despair, their hurt, their confusion, their anger, their anxiety.

Then tell them that’s what I feel like every day.

Tell them that when I even think about going outside it causes my heart to race, my palms to sweat and my stomach to churn.

Tell them that when I’m outside I feel like I am losing control. That I feel like the world is spinning, that the world is closing in on me.

Tell them that going to the supermarket is like running a marathon. Tell them that it’s the scariest thing for someone like me.

Tell them that when I walk around the supermarket, I breathe twice as fast as normal and I don’t even know I am doing it. Tell them that I walk as fast as I can just so I can get out as quickly as possible.

Ask them if they want to lose their peace now?

Tell them that I search for the nearest exits, so that I can run out when it all becomes too much.

Tell them that as I walk around the supermarket, I can’t walk straight down the aisles; that I’m so dizzy from hyperventilating that I can’t even stand.

Tell them that I constantly run my fingers through my hair, scratch my head, fix my bag on my shoulder, bite my fingernails and touch my face all because I am panicking so mu

[aaronsd]

Nayellie, welcome to the site... I think you will find many here share very similar stories to your own. Just know you are not alone, and many of us suffer from some or all of the things you have described. I hope this community can help you as much as it has helped me... I have found it a wonderful place for support. May I ask if you're doing any sort of therapy? Or are on any medications? It sounds like panic and this phobia runs your life right now and it would be good to try to get it under control.

[pretendworld_]

Hi there, I'm also from Australia. It sounds like things have been very hard for you [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] especially having a young child. I worry about the possibility of not even having children all together because my fear is sometimes really horrible.

Have you seen a doctor or tried any medication for the panic attacks? I'm quite new to them myself. Mine actually initially began because I fainted last year in front of a large number of people and since then have feared it happening again. It's terrible in supermarkets and shopping centres so I certainly know how you feel. I sometimes take valerian to calm myself down although there are lots of other methods people use for panic and anxiety. I've opted not to go with meds for my anxiety because I don't want to have to rely on something like that for a long time, though perhaps medication may help you?

[nayellie]

Wow, thanks for the replies

I am on medication at the moment - although it is only Zoloft 25mg. I need to up my dosage, but I'm scared that nausea and vomiting are side effects. Stupid I know.

I also have a script for Aropax, but wont change to it because the doctor told me I will have yucky side effects from it.

I have tried counselling, but feel that I just go round in circles

[aaronsd]

im on zoloft now up to 150 mg... yes the n* was a bit of a deal for a few days each time i upped the dose...I'd say slowly up it (under a doctors care) about 25 mg a week... never v* tho or really came close and its a hell of a lot better than celexa was for me. if the n* gets really bad an OTC antiemetic like meclizine has no interactions and is safe

[turbokinetic]

Welcome to the forum! I sat on the edge of my seat reading every word you wrote - there is emotion and desparation in every paragraph. You are a good writer, too - I can see you have what it takes to put your feelings to paper. This is truly a gift.

I like your explanation of "peace." I truly have peace now. But there have been times I did not so I can realy appreciate every second of peace I feel.

To me, one example of peace would be the feeling when you are given the gift of touch and affection from someone you completely, totally love and trust. Peace is laying in bed, warm and completely relaxed, with nothing on my mind - when my best friend gives me a deep, strong back rub without my even asking. That brings peace on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level.

Each of us is affected differently by this phobia. As you read our stories you'll see some who fight your same exact war and some who have been battling on a different front with completely different weapons and defenses.

Taking charge of things and looking to others for help, in the form of your doctor, family, therapist, or even folks ona forum; this is a great thing. You'v taken the first step towards defeating this.

Looking forward to hearing your progress.

Respectfully,
David

[lisalou]

OMG....you have just described my life....all your little habits I have been doing for over 30 years. However, I have 2 children and have got through many stomach bugs....there is hope I promise...it's just learning to deal with it because for me it never goes away...xxx

[blackmantis]

Hiya fellow Aussie.

It sounds like the phobia is making things hard for you. I got over my emetophobia a while ago (used to post here about 4 years ago but got permabanned because I wasn't able to help someone) but anyway.

Go to your doctor, tell him you have Gastroenteritis (Tell him in the most "normal" way you can that you've been burping up a horrible sulphurous/eggy taste, had diarrea and vomiting, and you want an anti-emetic to stop the vomiting). They should give you a perscription for a medication called Maxolon. It has no harmful side effects and it stops vomiting. It's one tiny little white pill (easy to swallow). I've been using it for about 4 years.

The only thing to be careful with is that you don't take too much (over a long period of time) as the more you take, the less effective it becomes. I only take it when I know I'm going to be ill (ie burping up a foul sulphur taste, or receiving any symptoms of gastroenteritis) but other than that, I'll tell you a little about where I used to live.

The last 3 months I've lived out of home for the first official time. I have a very weak immune system and a low red and white blood cell count. I don't know why the low white cells but the low red stemmed from not eating enough red meat/steak as I grew the last decade. I've been eating it now and I have *never* received food poisoning from meat.

In fact, I cooked my own meats there, and sometimes on the frightening occasion, I'd even heat up a meat pie or sausage roll or chicken frankfurt and bite into it, finding that it was COLD or icy on the inside (not good, not cooked). Despite the fact I was worried about bacteria launching itself down my throat, nothing ever happened. I don't recall getting so much as a single stomach ache while I ate this sort of food.

I also dined at really nasty Sydney restaurants, the kinds where a fat guy named "Ray" would scratch his behind before serving you a burger (the patty probably has fallen on the floor and been picked up again) etc but once again, I never got sick, and I did not need Maxolon to control it.

A lot of emetophobia stems from fake illness, or paranoid thoughts that you might get sick. When you get worried or stressed about it, the mind doesn't make you think you're sick as such, but it does make the body feel a little unwell. It's not a nice thought, and I know how you feel, I spent many nights sitting up at night as my "sickness" or stomach aches wouldn't go away.

Oh one rule of thumb, I don't know how prone you are to gastroenteritis, but if you can, stay away from TAFE. I've gained it from TAFE (many different campuses) about 4 times over the last decade and only at TAFE. I don't know why, perhaps it's the filthy environments I went to (Mt Druitt etc).

Out of curiousity, how old are you, and what environments do you work in each day? Do you tend to stay home a lot or go out into the world and do much during the day?

It was hard for me but I stayed inside for about 4 years because of my phobia, and that actually made things worse for me in the long run. The stress was making my hair fall out at the age of just 19! It also means the immune system has nothing to fight and therefore, nothing to learn about battling. It's like, if your immune system doesn't exercise, it will never be fit, or if a soldier doesn't learn how to fight, he'll forget how to do it properly over the years.

If you expose yourself to the real world, I'm fairly certain you'll maintain a good immune system (depending on your work environment etc). Most of the time, the body fights off millions of small bacteria each day, no matter how much hand washing etc is involved, however they're so slight and not effective that the body can kill them with ease. It's the bigger bugs in big quantities that I've always worried about.

After staying in for 4 years, I ventured out to attempt TAFE for the second time. My first day? I was fine until lunchtime when I