I have had a good week, until last night. My friend, "Jane" (for privacy) called me and asked me to come over. She lives across the street, but I was dreadfully tired from work. But the tone in her voice told me that something was wrong.
I got over there and settled in, waiting for her to tell me what the problem was. Jane's husband was there too, as he was off sick from work with a sinus cold. But the atmosphere in their apartment was thick and serious. After a little 'small talk', I asked her what was wrong. She said that she she was admitting to me that she has a problem. I tuned right in, wondering what it could be because Jane seems like one of the most content people I know. She always puts on a good front to everyone, even if there is turmol inside her. I've known this woman since early high school and we have been through hell and back together. Jane said that she hasa problem with depression. I already guessed that, and my heart went out to her immediatley because it is an illness that is all to common.
But I wasn't ready for what was to come next. She told me that just the otherafternoon, before I came over for coffee, she tried to kill herself in two ways. The first way was trying to cut her main arteries, eitherin her neck or wrists. Jane said that she decided against that because it would simply be too messy. Her second attempt, and she actually did this one, she laid downon her bed and put four plastic bags over her head to suffocate herself. Jane said that after a bit, she became impatient because things were not happening fast enough and also because her body began to fight for air, so she tore the bags off her head, and decided to fall asleep.
The good news is that she had the courage to tell her husband, and he got her to the doctor's. Lastnight, her husband was on 'suicide watch', and today they are both going back to the doctor's office, than straight to emergency.
I tried to be strong for her, and in front ofher as she was telling me this. I noticed that her husband was watching my reaction like a hawk, so I stayed strong and praised her up and down for telling someone, and getting help, and doing whatever it is she needs to do to get better. She is willing to stay in the hosptial. She is willing to go on meds and seek professional help.
I went home after telling Jane's husband that I could only put on this front for so long before I began to react emotionally.
See forum, I am opening my heart to you further by telling you that my father commtied suicide on my 15 birthday. In the past five years my older brother and I havetaken care of and got help, and rushing her to the hospitalfrom suicide attempts by overdosing (She is on the road to recovery).
I am not trying to sound selfish by saying that I am tired of suicide, and suicide attempts. But I am. It has taken it's toll on me emotionally. I am still in shock over Jane's painful confession. I want to cry, but I can't. I want to scream but I can't. See, no one had any clue as to the amount of pain she was in, because it was literally from night to day. She seemed very positive, than went to extremely negative. I know the main reason for her decision to attempt suicide, yet I will not discuss it here. That reason was the 'kicker', the final blow.
I haven't contactedmy close friends in the firehall yet. Maybe I should.Does the forum have any advice, because I really need some, and some support. I feel like I amemotionallynumb, because I almost lost myclosest friend.
Thank you all for listening. Helen, a.k.a. Sparky
Edited by: sparky2004