It has been some time since I have posted

[jleigh5570]

But it isn't because I had been doing better with the emet...frankly it
hasn't gotten any better, and may have gotten worse.

Just for a bit of history, I have 4 kids ages 10 to 4. I went through a really
bad experience a year and a half ago with 3 of my 4 kids getting the
stomach flu. I was a total wreck, couldn't eat, and when I get nervous I
constantly have BM's.Since that time my emet had gotten worse and
everyday since then has been mental torture. There is not a day that goes
by I don't think about it, and hundreds of times a day. Nighttime is the
absolute worst because my greatest fear is getting awakened in the
middle of the night with one of my kids telling me they are sick or are
going to be sick. I have to take Xanax every night just to get myself
relaxed. I tried going to see a psychologist last winter but it didn't
help.A couple months ago one of my kids got sick very early in the
morning but luckily she only V'ed a couple times and that was it, and
nobody else caught it.

Just today was my daughter's birthday party. It was at the place she has
gymnastics classes. Well, right before everyone was getting ready to eat
pizza. one of the girls had to run into the bathroom and "V". I
immediately became nervous and could not concentrate on anything but
that. I feel like it ruined the rest of the party for me...but I was able to
keep on a fake smile for my daughter.

I came home after the party and my husband just said the usual...don't
worry about it until there's something to worry about. Always easy for
him to say [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

I often have thoughts like I wish I could die so I wouldn't have to live with
this torture. It just feels almost too much to bear. What am I supposed
to do?

Jen

[e-lizabeth]

I can completely relate. I feel so bad for you - I think you have to keep seeking treatment until you find something that works for you. Don't give up after one psychologist doesn't work out. Please keep looking. I can't tell you how many shrinks I saw before I finally found the right fit. I'm so much better than I used to be - although I admit that it's always a challenge at this time of year.


You might also consider goingon some kind of medication other than Xanax to help you cope. I found Celexa really quite good at helping me over a six month period until I went off to get pregnant (just had my 2nd kid 9 days ago). Xanax is only a quick in-the-moment fix - other types of anti-depressants/anti-anxiety are more long-acting and make you feel a bit more in control. BUT - and this is a big but - this should only be done in combination with a therapy treatment that you find useful. Drugs on their own are not a solution.


I sympathize and empathize with you and congratulate you for the small victories - the ones we don't celebrate often enough - like the fact that you have 4 kids, and the fact that you put on a smile for your daughter.


Good luck.