Past Memories

[lilbitsane]

I have a question for those that are afraid of others v*ing.


When you are around someone and they v*, do you have trouble forgetting the memory? I swear I can remember EVERY time I've been around someone that has v*ed. And sometimes certain ones replay in my mind.


I know that to get rid of these memories, or have them not on my mind quite so frequently, I need to start facing this phobia which is of course the root of the problem, lol.


Anyone else have this problem and any advice?

[wing]

Well even though i am more afraid of myself V*, i hold the memories of anyone i've seen done it up today. Its funny, the only memory i have of when i was 3/4 was seeing one of my parents sick. I remember it so clearly. The incidents tend to replay in my head over and over.

[rcurran]

Yes, I am mostly afraid of other people vomiting, more so than myself because I am afraid that if I see them vomiting then I will do it myself. Yes I can remember every single time I've been around someone who vomited, as well as everytime that I have done it. I can even remember back when I was six, I remember being in the backseat of the car with my little sister, and she began coughing so much that she vomited, and I remember my mom turning around from the front seat and holding a bucket for her. I remember plugging my ears and squishing myself against the door opposite her, crying. My mom didn't understand why I was crying when it was my sister who got sick.

[lilbitsane]

Ugh, yeah me too. They replay in my head a lot. I remember the girl that v*ed on the bus on a field trip and people I've been around, and one in my car and got some on the door....I freaked out!!! I jumped out of the car and wouldn't get back in until he sanitized it and scrubbed it like 30 times and I was mad at him and at the time couldn't understand why.


I just wish I could make these memories go away lol they haunt me.

[eyecandi512]

OMG yes!!! I can remember the sounds, the feelings I had, what was going on before and after, what I was wearing....everything. I replay the images over and over in my head. It's terrible.


What was really bad was the last vomiting episode i sat through was boyfriend coming home and getting sick after the bar. Well, last night my dad wne out with friends and came home at about the same time as my boyfriend had, and I was in my bed, same place as last time. I just associated him coming home late with the past experience of my bf coming home late and vomiting, and I ran upstairs and kept asking my dad if he was ok, I was so afraid everything was going to happen again. He ended up being fine, but I was panicked all night and slept with headphones on in case.

[charzysbebe]

Oh gosh, I could tell you every time I have ever seen or heard someone v'ing! I can even tell you every time I have ever seen a puddle of v somewhere too!!!


I remember when I was 7, my mom got badly food poisoned and she was v'ing in the toilet, and all I could hear was the sound of it, and hercrying and being helpless. My dad had to dress her to take her to the ER. The list can go on and on....man I wish I could wipe out all of those past memories!!! They haunt me all the time. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img] Charlotte

[2jo2]

I think that is one thing that makes me panic worse, is the memories coming back. I hate that so much, because I remember each time too, I'm more afraid of other people getting sick and just like eyecandi I associate similar situations. I wish all this would go away.

[hanarky]

I can feel the ora of that day and I am sometimes afaraid of types of
weather or the times of the day whe it happenned. It gives me a feeling
that reminds e of a day that v* has happenned.
Ditto guys..
I am a human visual recorder...

[sage]

These are called "flashbulb" memories...because they're held in our memories so clearly like a "snapshot" of an event. This is the way the fear centre of the brain works - holding in clear memory your most "dangerous" events. Of course, vomiting isn't dangerous - that's where our wiring is screwed up. The catch-22 is that "trying not to think of them" is probably reinforcing them.


The way to "unlearn" this brain-response is to keep telling yourself logical, rational things about the event. Even if you don't believe them. For instance, when you see someone vomit by the side of the road...you're probably "catastrophizing" the event like it was a homocide or nuclear war...even coming onto this site and talking about how horrible or terrible the event was. Then others come on and reinforce this belief. The thing is, this belief is faulty. It's just someone being sick by the side of the road, and to 99% of the people on the planet, it's no big deal.


So there are two things you can do: 1) do NOT catastrophize it. When you find yourself doing that in your head just STOP. 2) if possible, think about the event, and minimize its importance with rational thought..."that person was just doing a normal thing" "it was no big deal" "he probably felt better afterward" "ha ha...I wonder if he got any on his shoes"...stuff like that...whatever will work for you.


If you work hard at these kinds of exercises, then the rational part of your brain will "override" the fear centre, and the memories will lose their power. The phobia will also get better! But it takes hard work, dedication to this cause, and a lot of time. [Trust me - it's worth it]

[hethmares]

You are not alone. I definately do this and I HATE IT! I can remember graphicly every time thatI have seen someone puke all the way back to when I was5 years old. Also, when someone throws up and I hear them doing it, I try and quickly cover my ears, but that spilt second that I heard them retching, I can SEE it over and over in my mind, even though I didn't actually see it you know what I mean?

[lilbitsane]

Ahh yes...I do need to work on it then because the memories really do bother me!! Thanks sage, I will try to work on it

[ontariogirl]

I agree with you all, I can remember so many vivid memories seeing people vomit, from the kid vomiting all over his desk at school maybe grade 3/4: funny I remember everything when the kid puked but I cant exactly remember if its grade 3/4; and the phobia didnt hit me then, it happened in grade 5 so something between that time and grade 5the phobia began! hmm and taking a ride in this guy's cool car and going down the main street and on the right hand side right beside the library there is this guy head out the window vomiting down the side of his car, that did it, take me home please. I have good memories of being a child, my favourite doll, but most of my memories are from seeing people being sick. I am petrified of being sick and seeing/hearing people being sick. I cant stand it and it puts the fear in me like nothing else could! Ok Sage I agree, this is hard and in my head I am thinking I cant do this. I am being completely honest, cause if you cant be honest with yourself you wont get far.


Rhonda

[Jenneh]

yup...


remmber evyrthing about times people ahve v*ed around me. including all the graphic stuff!! which i think is why when i have those intrusdive thoughts of me or someone else near me being sick, the picture seems so real, cos i have all these memories stored up.


Jen xxxx

[sage]

Rhonda,


Read your PM...but not sure how you'd like me to respond to this. Is it a "breakthrough" to have remembered these things? I'm not sure what you mean. As far as "not being able to do this", what you probably mean is that you can't do it alone - without some caring help and support. This is where a good therapist can make all the difference in your life.


If you want me to clarify further, post it here and I'll check back soon!

[zalbar]

I'd be willing to bet a substantial
amount of money that vibrant memories such as these are universal
among emetophobes. After all, If we could just shrug them off, we
wouldn't have the hangup in the first place.


Of course I too
can remember every incidence of v*ing I was unfortunate enough to
witness or participate in over the years, since before I even entered
kindergarten. Having a sensitive disposition is a curse the depths of
which I don't think an average person can even begin to
appreciate.


Edited by: zalbar

[ontariogirl]

Sage; My parents were there when us kids were sick, noone showed fear of being sick, there was no abuse of any kind, and as far as I can remember there was no traumatic scene of being sick.


WhenI was on the radio they had a doctor on there, who stated that something crissed crossed in my brain,ok whatever. Is it important to find out the cause of the phobia or not? Is it worth going under hypnosis to find out? Reading some of the posts hypnosis isn't worth the time or money. I know that I can't do it alone and finding the right doctor is difficult. I am seeing my nurse and I will give her the info that I got from the thread.


I think in a way it is like a person who is trying to quit smoking like me, it is a hard everyday process, a step by step, and once you make that first step and the days and monthsto come it becomes easier. I have set the date to quit and even though I have doubt I have to change my thinking. I have to change my way of thinking with this phobia, it has controlled me for 30 years and the time will come when I will be inCONTROL of the phobia.


It is a thinking process isnt it?


Thanks Sage.

[rhinoseri]

Yep, I remember when I was five I started crying in the car because we were listening to Pinnochio (sp?) and he "throws up" the people when they light the fire in his stomach, then again when I was reading one of those Mary Kate and Ashley detective books- one of the characters got seasick. Also when my brother threw up. I remember my dad picked him up, and carried him to the bathroom under his right arm, and I turned myself and started crying and screaming into the sofa. I also remember when we got home from the playground, and I felt terribly sick- so I ran to the matress I slept on, and then my dad got the trashcan that was sitting by the door, and I threw up in it. Then again on the first day of first grade, Keshelle gota headache, and had to go to the office. I remember wondering all day if she would throw up. Moving onto when I was six... I remember being sick in the middle of a crowded mall. I was wearing the same sweater I still have today, and sometimes wear (surprisingly) I just never wear it to malls. When I was seven Nate threw up in class, so I wentandhid under a table.I remember they put this powder stuff on it, and it left a stain. I never sat there again. When I was in third grade, and was eight, I remember one night I was at home, and I suddenly got this feeling when my brother walked in that he would throw up, sure enough he did. That same year, at summer camp I remember the night Morgan threw up. She ran right past my bed and into the bathroom. Then she refused to go to the infirmary.In fouth grade, I remember waking up andthrowing up over the side of my bed. It got all over this bag I had. In fifth grade I got sick again, I remember every last detail about that. Last year on October 13th, my brother got sick- and I'm not even going to recall that night, for it will bring me into panic mode (I'll just say we had to sleep in the same bed that night)


Wow. I've just recalled most every experience. Gah.

[sage]

Ontariogirl,


at this stage of the game, it isn't important to find out the cause of the phobia. Causes are many and varied, and a lot of factors often add up to contribute to the phobic response. No matter what the cause, the treatment is the same - you don't need hypnosis, although sometimes hypnosis can be a helpful addition to another therapy program.


your OHIP should cover a psychiatrist - and if the phobia severely affects your life, then you should be able to go to him or her until it's gone. Problem is, you need a psychiatrist who does psychotherapy - not one who just does drug management (which is most of them, but not all). In Vancouver, I know of several psychiatrists who do psychotherapy, and there's a long waiting list but it's well worth it.


If you can afford it, the way to go is a registered psychologist. $140/hour in Canada. I have never regretted one penny I've given mine, and I have to give up a lot of stuff personally to pay for it - but my sanity and my human relationships and my magnificent peace and joy are worth it to me. Of course, I'm able to scrape up the money by making these choices- some people obvious aren't. If you go the psychologist route, you can interview and choose among many fairly quickly.


I would also like to address your other comment in your PM, cuz I think it will help other people if I do. Without revealing anything specific, you talked about "taking everything personally". I want to reassure you that this is rather typical of phobics and others with emotional disorders, for some reason. I, too, "took everything personally" for many years. Once treated for the phobia I worked on other family issues and then the deep, deep emotional issues that led to the phobia in the first place. It was all tied up with that, I discovered. I no longer am sensitive to the words and actions of others which is also a wonderful, joyful, peaceful state to live in! The reason for this is because through my therapy I am better able to "differentiate" from others - to see myself as a completely different person. If people say something mean or hurtful on purpose, that says more about them than me...I can sort of "stand back" and see them, their issues, and their problems. Instead of feeling hurt, I can now feel simply compassionate for them. And if they're not being hurful on purpose, I no longer unconsciously, automatically assume that there's something wrong with me and they're putting their finger on it. It just never happens. This joyful state of being is a place where the words and actions of others don't affect me one little bit. If they have helpful feedback (constructive criticism), I feel very grateful to them, because what they say helps me to grow into a better person. Their words are a gift to me.


So my point is that getting the help you need to overcome the emotional disorder, then sticking with the treatment will help you overcome this problem as well. The solution is never to warn others how to treat you, because you are sensitive. This is thinking in terms of others, and controlling them, rather than thinking in terms of differentiation of self. Besides, there's no way every person around you could possibly read your mind every time they speak to you, and know how you will be affected. Only you know that, and only you have control over it.


I hope this helps enlighten somewhat! I really appreciate your questions, the fact that you're exploring these issues, and your bravery in seeking treatment.


Good luck at the dentist too!