Big Problem, Hope someone responds
Okay let me lay it all out on the table. This is WAY off topic, I know, but it's in the off topic section so I hope I don't get in too much trouble.
I've been living with my girlfriend for about 4 months. The first few months were great, we cuddled all the time, talked all the time, did everything together. Then Christmas came and frankly, she ruined it for me. It was not a good Christmas. She refused to come over to my parents house to open gifts and would not join me. She refused to come over for Christmas Eve dinner (which is a tradition in my family) and so I went alone. On Christmas night, me and her had a HUGE fight...not to mention that I was trying to quit smoking at that point.
Before this, we had tried to explore an alternative lifestyle. Meaning, we went to a BDSM club. I thought I was interested in it, and I was (still am) and we met this guy named Bill. He said that he would train me to be a dom and her to be a sub, but in order to do that, I would have to be a sub to him first. If anyone knows me, they know that me being a sub is not possible. But we gave it a go anyway. Bill came over to our place for training, and we both had a rather awkward and bad time.
Bill said some stuff (which I will not repeat here) that pissed me the hell off. He's a liar and a manipulater and he should not be trusted. For a while my GF had the same opinion. Then, right before X-Mas she drove the car home to go see her father. She's from New York. So one night we were talking on IMs and she said that she missed Bill. I asked her why? He's an ass and I want nothing to do with him. The conversation sort of fizzled out from there.
Now, exactly a week ago, she went to the BDSM club with Bill (and without me). She has been talking to him on YIM almost every night, and yesterday he came to the apartment. My GF was insistant that I NOT be here while Bill was here because it would be awkward, and she couldn't "relax" with him if I was in the next room.
On Wednesday I sent her an E-mail saying that I was scared that she would get something out of Bill that I could not give her. She replied saying that she doesn't intend to have sex with him, but if it happens it happens. So as you can imagine, I was very upset. Still am.
I am convinced that she has cheated on me with him already, although I have no proof. My friend, Todd, says that I should kick her ass to the curb and demand her half of the rent for the rest of the time that she would have stayed here.
She says, when the lease is up in September she doesn't know if she wants to stay with me. I am convinced that she's only being cordial to me now because she has no place left to go if I kick her out. She waltzes around the apartment as if nothing is wrong between us. She won't cuddle with me, she won't talk about anything with me, and she has referred to me seeing my friend Ron as "dating" him. That's very far from the truth because Ron wants me and my GF to work out, he's just a friend.
Ron says she is just trying to have something to lord over me. It seems like I walk on eggshells around my GF all the time, and I need to assert myself. I am getting pushed and pulled in all directions.
My sister (my best friend) won't talk to me because of a mistake I made a few months ago. My dad is mad at me for dropping the class that I tried to take at the local college. My other sister just doesn't care about me, and my mom wouldn't understand because she's been opposed to this since the beginning. I mean she even said to me, "You're stuck with her now".
All of this is the least of everything. My phobia has been so out of wack the past few days. I have been sleeping like a maniac and I don't even care what happens now. I guess in my brain I have decided it's over, even though my GF claims that she's not leaving me. She continues to see Bill and will see him tomorrow night, without me. I don't know what to do any more. I feel so depressed that I just want to be committed to a hospital for a while, so I'll be safe.
What do you guys think?
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