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  1. #1

    Unhappy Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Okay let me lay it all out on the table. This is WAY off topic, I know, but it's in the off topic section so I hope I don't get in too much trouble.

    I've been living with my girlfriend for about 4 months. The first few months were great, we cuddled all the time, talked all the time, did everything together. Then Christmas came and frankly, she ruined it for me. It was not a good Christmas. She refused to come over to my parents house to open gifts and would not join me. She refused to come over for Christmas Eve dinner (which is a tradition in my family) and so I went alone. On Christmas night, me and her had a HUGE fight...not to mention that I was trying to quit smoking at that point.

    Before this, we had tried to explore an alternative lifestyle. Meaning, we went to a BDSM club. I thought I was interested in it, and I was (still am) and we met this guy named Bill. He said that he would train me to be a dom and her to be a sub, but in order to do that, I would have to be a sub to him first. If anyone knows me, they know that me being a sub is not possible. But we gave it a go anyway. Bill came over to our place for training, and we both had a rather awkward and bad time.

    Bill said some stuff (which I will not repeat here) that pissed me the hell off. He's a liar and a manipulater and he should not be trusted. For a while my GF had the same opinion. Then, right before X-Mas she drove the car home to go see her father. She's from New York. So one night we were talking on IMs and she said that she missed Bill. I asked her why? He's an ass and I want nothing to do with him. The conversation sort of fizzled out from there.

    Now, exactly a week ago, she went to the BDSM club with Bill (and without me). She has been talking to him on YIM almost every night, and yesterday he came to the apartment. My GF was insistant that I NOT be here while Bill was here because it would be awkward, and she couldn't "relax" with him if I was in the next room.

    On Wednesday I sent her an E-mail saying that I was scared that she would get something out of Bill that I could not give her. She replied saying that she doesn't intend to have sex with him, but if it happens it happens. So as you can imagine, I was very upset. Still am.

    I am convinced that she has cheated on me with him already, although I have no proof. My friend, Todd, says that I should kick her ass to the curb and demand her half of the rent for the rest of the time that she would have stayed here.

    She says, when the lease is up in September she doesn't know if she wants to stay with me. I am convinced that she's only being cordial to me now because she has no place left to go if I kick her out. She waltzes around the apartment as if nothing is wrong between us. She won't cuddle with me, she won't talk about anything with me, and she has referred to me seeing my friend Ron as "dating" him. That's very far from the truth because Ron wants me and my GF to work out, he's just a friend.

    Ron says she is just trying to have something to lord over me. It seems like I walk on eggshells around my GF all the time, and I need to assert myself. I am getting pushed and pulled in all directions.

    My sister (my best friend) won't talk to me because of a mistake I made a few months ago. My dad is mad at me for dropping the class that I tried to take at the local college. My other sister just doesn't care about me, and my mom wouldn't understand because she's been opposed to this since the beginning. I mean she even said to me, "You're stuck with her now".

    All of this is the least of everything. My phobia has been so out of wack the past few days. I have been sleeping like a maniac and I don't even care what happens now. I guess in my brain I have decided it's over, even though my GF claims that she's not leaving me. She continues to see Bill and will see him tomorrow night, without me. I don't know what to do any more. I feel so depressed that I just want to be committed to a hospital for a while, so I'll be safe.

    What do you guys think?

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    United States
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    1,977

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Wow. What a story. I may be wrong, and I'm too lazy to try to find the other post, but didn't you say you were engaged to this girl? As for "adding" someone to the realotionship if only breifly I don't think that is a good idea. I do think some people can handle it but I know I would have a problem with it. And another thing, she moved in with you right? And she asked you to leave so she could be alone with this guy? I'm sorry but she has balls to ask you that. If my fiance asked that of me I would tell him he was f-ing crazy. I don't like thisone bit. And if it were me I wouldn't allow it to continue for another second. If she still wants to spend time with him without you there I would ask her to leave. That just is SOOOOO not cool.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Bedfordshire
    Posts
    365

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    She sounds like she's completely using you mate, how can she be so disrespectful! She's not interested in loyalty or your feelings or anything about you in general anymore it sounds, unless you really have feelings for her and want to talk it out and give her another chance, you really don't need someone like that.
    I'm guilty of being innocent
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, United States
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    247

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Wow .. I'm so so sorry, hon. I remember reading posts prior where things were going amazingly well. In my opinion, she should have NO REASON to be seeing Bill alone ... the only purpose he served was to help the two of you explore different realms of lovemaking. It's a team effort, and she's not including you. Time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. Tell her exactly how you feel, what your thoughts are, and see how she responds. She SHOULD want to change so as not to hurt you. You deserve better, honestly.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    GB
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    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Goodness, i don't know what to say really and i'm confused, your a girl aren't you? So if your girfriends up to something with this Bill bloke then it looks like she might like both men and women?

    But still, even if she does then that's still no excuse for cheating on you, and for her to actually admit that she "may"end up sleeping with him, well i'm gobsmacked. She's certainly got some nerve hasn't she?, if it was me i'd pack her gear up in a set of matching black bin bags and change the locks while she's out. Seriously you can do so much better than this and if this is what she's like after 4 months which is the time when you're still normally on your best behaviour in a relationship then what on earth is she going to get up to in years to come?

    I'm not surprised you are feeling depressed and that your emet is playing up with all of this stress and upsetment going on in your life. If it's not practical for her to leave and get another flatmate, is there somewhere else you could go or are you both tied up into the both of you having to stay there until the lease is up.

    I wish there was something more useful i could say, but put yourself first and don't let her walk all over you.

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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, United States
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    247

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    OH AND ... the fact that she refused to visit your family during the holidays is SO uncool. Your family is important to YOU and therefore should be important to HER...
    Lack thereof means she won't respect you much and you aren't important to her. Don't make her a priority when all you are is an option.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    GB
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    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Quote Originally Posted by what_the_frick View Post
    OH AND ... the fact that she refused to visit your family during the holidays is SO uncool. Your family is important to YOU and therefore should be important to HER...
    Lack thereof means she won't respect you much and you aren't important to her. Don't make her a priority when all you are is an option.

    Good point! And relationships are always so much harder when your other half doesn't get on with your family (or you theirs) i was in a relationship like that and it just ruins all the occasions that are supposed to be happy such as christmas and birthdays as you end up on edge/upset all the time. I'm now with someone where it's the complete opposite and it is such a nice difference, i can leave him unnatended with my mum knowing he's not going to be horrible to her and his family are more than welcome to come round any time they like.

    Take care and let us know know how you're getting along x

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  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, United States
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    247

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    I have, too, Pauline. And I've found, much to my chagrin, that when my family disliked someone, it was for good cause.

    Please let us know how you are doing.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    Sorry I haven't responded in such a long time, but here goes.

    My fiance (Jade) and I had a very long talk about everything about a week ago. She has decided to stop seeing Bill and has not seen him since the talk. We both realize that we love each other and that her seeing Bill was not a good idea. I love her regardless of what my family or friends think of her. I mean at the point when I wrote this post I was seriously three seconds away from telling her to pack up and leave.

    The thing is (and this is important I forgot to mention it) both of us have borderline personality disorder and we tend to do things to each other that are inconsiderate. Case and point, the other day we had to go return our new cat Gaby to the shelter. My friend Ron had to drive us because we don't have a car. On the way back, Jade was very upset that we had to return Gaby and she was crying. I did not notice this and proceeded to have a light hearted, fun conversation with Ron. See? I'm at fault sometimes too!

    I appreciate all of the answers you gave me, but things have somehow worked out and we are fine. Both of us are looking to move south due to our seasonal depression that we have going on. If it's sunny we do much better with each other. :-) Thanks you guys!

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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    Northeast Ohio, United States
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    247

    Default Re: Big Problem, Hope someone responds

    I'm glad things are going better!

 

 

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