my second day....

[olschesky]

it's only my second day here and i already feel a sense of calm....i know i have a place to go where people understand exactly how i feel......i've lived with this for 50 years....but just recently discovered that i am not the only one that has this horrific fear. it amazes me that i can recall with great detaill everytime i've v or been around someone v.....even after all these years.....its always on my mind....it has totally dictated my life.

yesterday i finally wrote an email to my mom and sisters explaining emetophobia......hoping they would understand my weirdness all these years. they moved 3000 miles away about 20 years ago which has been really hard on all of us.....i can't fly, take a train and a road trip in the car is also pretty scarey. i wasn't able to be there when my dad was dying a few years ago....my sisters didnt understand it...hopefully they do now. i'm sad that i will probably never see my mom again.....she's 85 and i havent seen her in over 10 years.......this is a horrible way to live.....and when i'm having a good day i can;t make sense of it......but all i have to hear is that someone i know is sick....or there is a bug going around and i am off the chart nervous. i have never told my husband.....or friends......because it just seems so damn silly....but thankfully my husband is like me and enjoys staying around the house, etc so don't have to make many excuses for not wanting to go out. i do worry about people he comes in contact with at work and bringing home germs.....i have my own business and have very little contact with the public.

well i know this post is kind of all over the place but just wanted to say that i'm soooooo
excited to find all of you who understand........look forward to making some friendships and hopefully finding some peace in all of this anxiety......

[alexikiss]

Hey, I'm glad I joined here, too! I already feel better just reading everyone's posts and stories and fears and experiences. It helps so much to know that you're not alone and that other people have or have had these feelings. A lot of people here are still living and enjoying life despite their fears and I find that inspiring.

[stella9]

Olschesky,

Welcome. You mentioned that you have a husband. Do you have children? If so, how have you handled their sicknesses?

The Internet is such a wonderful source of information and connection for us as emets. I can only imagine how you have suffered in silence your entire life. It was a huge step to share this with your mother and sisters so that they now have an explanation for so many thing that they may have found odd or unacceptable over the years. As for your mom, why don't you Skype with her or get a webcam. This way you can see each other without you having to make the journey. Look at this just as dibilitating as a physical ailment. People are extremely forgiving when they know someone has a physical problem and should be just as sensitive when it come to emotional challenges.

I am so glad you found us and hope we are able to be a source of support and comfort for you.

Stella

[olschesky]

thanks so much for the encouragement. i never had children....the whole morning sickness thing scared me away from that. i had told a few people during my life about the way that i felt.....before i knew it had a name and that others are living with it also.....it didn't turn out well.....they kind of laughed and occasionally would make hurtful comments to me about it....made me feel stupid for having the "fear", so i have just kept it to myself. telling my mom and sisters has been a huge relief and someday hopefully i can confide in my true friends.....i'm sure they will be shocked because i can hide it pretty well when around them. i am the queen of excuses though if someone calls and wants me to do something and i'm not feeling "great".

today i'm having lunch with a friend i havent seen in20 years.....im already getting anxious about it and its 8 hours away........might have something to do with the fact that yesterday i was in a craft store and i overheard the store clerks saying that one of them had just v and was going home........now i will wait and worry for several days to see if i caught it.......this is my life......

[troy-anna]

olschesky,
i am happy you found this place too. and you're not alone - not by a long shot. phobias are so irrational but so rational at the same time and it's so entirely frustrating. i too count days after i hear someone is sick, but by then i've run into more people and so the time frame essentially never ends (AND i'm a high school teacher!!!!! - there are days i cannot bear to go in.). Even if i hear that someone's distant relative is sick, i believe it could come get me. i won't let my students into my class if they look sick - i send them home. it's ridiculous. and it slaughters me how non chalant others are about illness. oh to be like that. *sighs*

you are not alone.
and you are not crazy.
phobias and illnesses can take over our existances - but we CAN take our lives back. it's just hard work. really, really hard work.
here for you,
troy-anna

[olschesky]

thanks for reading, responding and caring

[Bellablue]

Olchesky,

I am new here too - just joined on the 15th of this month. I wanted to respond to what you shared because it was like you were in my head! I wanted to say how brave I think you are for sharing your emet with family members. None of my family knows about my emet, and I don't have the courage to tell any of them. The only person aware of what I go through to even a small extent is my husband, and he doesn't even know the power it has in every aspect of my life. I don't have children either and have never wanted to - just the thought of having to care for a child sick with an sv is too much for me to handle. Every day revolves around worrying about whether someone I know has a sv and whether or not I will get it. I don't eat out often at all, and take out food - FORGET IT!! I have become vegetarian in the last few years as a result of my fear of eating bad meat or chicken and becoming ill from it. I just wanted to say thank you to you for sharing some of your story when you did - it has brought a certain relief to my worried mind to know that there are others who live the same way I do.
I am looking forward to making some new friends here too - ones that "get it" in a way no one else would.

Take good care and thank you again,
Bellablue

[dixy]

Olschesky, today is my 2nd day posting on this forum. I joined last year when I was going through a bad time of it, but just read. I can be easily influenced by people and didn't want the fear to worsen. However I posted for the first time yesterday and I feel so much better about myself!

Thank you for making me feel welcome here. It is nice to know I could say anything here, no one will laugh at me or judge. I have suffered in silence for over 20 years.. not anymore! (although still not sure I could tell my husband oranyone else!!!)

[olschesky]

thanks dixy.....like i've said it took me years to tell anyone.....and if it wasn't for the site i doubt i still would have told anyone.......
glad you're here too