Panic

[kimmiekoko]

Last week I had decided I was going to start facing some fears repetitively in hopes of getting stronger. I faced 3 different fear issues in 1 night.

One of the fear issues was of course this emetophobia problem. I got lost trying to find a location from my google maps on my phone (another fear issue, panic when driving) and had to pull over in a parking lot to call the person I was going to see. While parked there and her on the other side of the phone I noticed a truck that was in the turning lane out on the road and was stopped at the light, then I saw his door open and realized he was getting sick, I tried to look away real quick but I already saw too much! At that point, this girl on the other end was trying to tell me some directions and I couldn't even listen to her because I was paralyzed and experiencing panic. I just kept saying "what" and "uh-huh" and so she was having to repeat herself but of course she didn't know what was going on and thought I was probably looney or something.

My husband works around this kind of stuff at the hospital every day but is not the least bothered by it. So his way of trying to help me realize its just a normal part of bodily functions is to make light of it. It hasn't helped yet. I really don't think he knows the intensity of the fear it is with me. If I wake up in the middle of the night I'm on pins and needles anticipating when it might happen to him.

I have the fear about myself getting sick pretty bad but with others its even worse for some reason.
One thing I've thought about that could have intensified this problem is when my dad got cancer and threw up constantly and finally died. I witnessed that horrible violent sick sound.

[olschesky]

it is hard for people who dont suffer from this to understand just how terrifying this can be. i finally told my husband about it a few weeks ago....showed him this site and had him read some of the posts.....i think they show just how adversely this effects our life on an hourly/daily/weekly basis. making light of it is not gonna help......

it does sound like your father's illness has alot to do with your fear....sorry for your loss....cancer is a horrible thing to watch.

keep posting we will listen

[kimmiekoko]

I haven't ever come across anyone else that has this problem until I hit up on this site. I tell my closest friends and family about it but I still don't think that actually understand the extent of the problem that I have. I think they probably think I'm just exaggerating it a bit.
I know that there's not anybody that particularly enjoys throwing up or seeing someone else do it or thinks its at all pleasant and I know that the difference in me and those people is that where they can have the unpleasant feeling or thought about it but then it quickly leaves them and with me it lingers and creates more and more anxiety. I haven't learned how to switch it off yet.
I think also that my OCD problem probably goes hand in hand with it. I have worked through desensitization on my OCD with great success except for my 2 biggest fears in which fear of throwing up is one of them. I went through some therapy for it a while back and I suggested to the therapist that maybe if I could desensitize myself by looking at some pictures of it online and also some sounds. We worked on it one day and I surprisingly did pretty well, still had the weak feelings inside but I did it and even laughed about it and she told me to go home and practice it. I never did practice anymore and discontinued therapy with her. This is what happens when I get to the point of being so sick of this problem that I'm willing to do anything to get rid of it, I start hiding from it.