Hi im new

[keza]

Hi my name is Kerry im 21 and new to this forum. I found it on google and am so relieved to find a site where people can share there experiences with this awful phobia. I have had this phobia since i can remember. I dont know what caused it and it seems to have gotten worse the older i have got. I am very fussy with food i am constantly looking at sell by dates and my food has to be cremated before i eat it. This drives my fiance and family crazy. Im very underweight as i dont like to eat, people think i suffer with anorexia but its not the case i dont like eating much as i associate food with feeling ill. I cant travel on any form of public transport if i have to go anywhere i will drive. I never eat out and i have never drunk alcohol threw fear of being ill. This phobia has ruled my life and stopped me doing many things i have panic attacks if i feel unwell or am far away from home. Its made me distant from my fiance as i hate having anyone around me when im feeling anxious and unwell. Not many people understand my problem i have a best friend who has this phobia also and she is the only person i can talk to. I am meeting up with a former teacher from school for a catch up in two weeks and we are going for lunch. This is a big problem for me i need to come clean with my problem to him. But dont want him to think im mad Any ideas?

[TiredofFear]

You and I are in the same boat. We're the same age. The only thing is, you're lucky enough to have a fiance. This (among other problems) has precluded me from being able to date at this point in my life.

I started with this fear when I was 7 years old. This fear is said to come from a traumatic experience as a child, and I had that experience when I was 7. My dad got sick three times. The first time I recall how loud it was, and the second time, he was sitting next to me on the couch when he almost got sick on the floor. This terrified me, and I have since been scared of getting sick.

When I was 9 years old, I was diagnosed with IBS. This, of course, only exacerbated things. My life has never been the same since. I've had stomach pain, diahrrea, nausea, etc. The latest is often constipation. When I was 9, I also began getting strep throat frequently. By the time I was 10, I had to have my tonsils and adenoids removed. I had severe sinus problems and would get colds frequently. Between it all, I was often late and missed a lot of school.

It began to get worse my eighth grade year in school. The IBS, which is sometimes worse than others, was particularly bad that year. I was terrified of throwing up, so I didn't want to eat much. I was late for school and often missed. The teachers weren't understanding, sometimes embarrasing me in front of the entire class for being absent. They thought I was merely faking when nothing could be further from the truth.

This sadly continued into high school. My Mom finally made an appointment with a GI doctor. They said my main problem was that I needed to gain weight. They also diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. They told me to additionally see a nutritionist and a psychologist. I started off at 67 lbs and began to gain weight. Then, a week before I was going to go on vacation the following summer, I got a SV. I got sick one time after being nauseous for 12 or so hours, and it was very traumatic. I managed to overcome it, started eating, and I started my sophmore year. I ended up reaching 87 lbs before downspiraling. I maintained the weight but stopped gaining. The anxiety and depression were so bad that year that I missed more school than I ever had. Some teachers were extremely frustrated, and I was afraid to ask them for my work when I got back.

Junior year went well. Senior year once again lead to a lot of tardies and absences but was an ok year. This brings me to college.

I finally decided on a college. I went for my first three days, and over the weekend, I started with a SV. I got sick one time, but I was so exhausted and weak from my low weight, that I knew I couldn't go back to school. The following spring, I got a SV, got sick three times, and went in the hospital. They got me set on a parth where I began to gain a little weight.

The past four years have been spent battling anxiety and depression, severe emetophobia, and IBS. I have been hospitalized a couple additional times because the low weight has caused problems with my blood pressure and heart rate. The problem is that the hospital tries to treat me for anorexia, and they will not work with my IBS and emetophobia. Their anorexia program involves eating (sometimes large quantities) of food and drinking fluids every few hours. You have to do it within a 30 minute time period, and you can't go to the bathroom for an hour after you finished eating. They refused to bend the policy which lead me to checking out both times against medical advice.

This past summer, I had managed to gain 8 pounds which was sadly ruined because in October, I got another SV, but I was fortunate to have anti-emetics. I still had severe nausea for three days, and the thought of me not having had those pills terrifies me. Since then, the IBS and emetophobia have been back with a vengeance. I'm terrified that I'll get a SV, and I often think I have one when I don't. I have since lost the weight I gained over the summer, and I am nauseous everyday. It's again affecting my heart and blood pressure.

I'm at the end of my rope. No doctors understand. One doctor even "joked" that I just needed to get sick 100 times and I'd feel better! What?! Every time I get sick, the fear gets worse! They either brush it off, tell me it's in my head, or as I said above, they treat me like I have anorexia. I've tried several different psychologists. None have helped. I have considered going to Seattle to the IBS Treatment Center as the recent Gastro I've been seeing hasn't helped, but I still haven't found anything to help with the emetophobia.

[olschesky]

this site has been very helpful to me......even got the nerve up to tell my mom, sisters and husband.......and i'm 58 years old.......had this phobia since i was 8......i have learned alot here.....and feel like a have a safe place to talk about this without judgment.

welcome and enjoy

[TiredofFear]

Thanks for the welcome.

You have suffered with this for 50 years. That's amazing. How have you done it? I've suffered with this for 12 years, and I'm, like I said, at the end of my rope. I totally envy those who don't have this fear.