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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Question Self treatment (for now anyway)

    I've been on a waiting list for treatment since September 2008 when my phobia became so bad that I couldn't work anymore. Last spring I had a few sessions so they could assess me/start my treatment and I was put back on another waiting list for further treatment.

    I want to get better NOW, but I have to wait until I can get this treatment. We do not have a cent to spare after we've paid our bills for me to spend on a therapist that isn't covered by OHIP. I also don't have any childcare at the moment (or money to pay for it) for my 7 month old daughter.

    I am currently working on some 'self treatment' at home. Which is basically do it yourself exposure therapy. I've also started using that link for the PSTEC that someone posted here recently, I do it 2-3 times a day. Although it didn't cure me in just a couple tries like it claims, I do find it is helping me progress through exposure therapy a lot faster than before. I have recently made it through all of the pictures on the bravehost site with little to no anxiety and have moved on to videos.

    Is there anything else I can do to work on this on my own until therapy becomes available to me? I am willing to do anything to get better because I now have a daughter that I want to care for when she gets sick. I also don't want to live in fear of catching a stomach virus any time someone close to me (or even near me) comes down with one. My goal is to accept that vomiting is a part of life the way I have accepted colds, the dentist and other things I find unpleasant and not be in fear of it or thinking about it unless it's actually happening. I am 32 years old and have had this phobia since before I have memory so I know there is a lot to work on.

    If anyone else has suggestions of ways I can work on this now and on my own please let me know. I do go through 'good' periods when I rarely worrry about being sick except on a rare occasion when it's very likely I will be but I always come back to periods of constant worry, nausea, agoraphobia and everything else that goes along with this phobia. I am trying to recognize my thought patterns and work on changing them but it's easier said than done when my body takes over and decides to panic for me.

    Anything you can tell me would be appreciated.

    Thanks,
    Lisa

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    north carolina, usa
    Posts
    4,272

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    sounds like you've got a good plant going there....i just started the pstec thing myself.......hoping it works.....

    hopefully you will get to see a therapist soon.......

    i'm sure you're taking great care of your daughter
    how i feel about emet
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    Ok to add to this I'm also doing a few others things.

    1. I bought the Anxiety and Phobia workbook. Several doctors mentioned it over the years but I never bothered to get it. I think it will help give me stuff to work with until I can get to a therapist though.

    2. I've been compiling a list of rational thought to keep reminding myself of when my anxiety gets going

    - If you vomit you feel better right after
    - I only get a sv about twice a decade and am sick for less than 24 hours. That means for every day I have a sv I spend the 1825 days when I DON'T have a sv worrying about it, often times to the point of feeling so sick I may as well have one
    -It's worth it to fully enjoy those other 1825 days and be completely happy and anxiety free if it means accepting that that one bad day will happen whether I like it or not
    -Considering the average sv has a 36 hour incubation period and you are generally exposed mid-day, you almost always come down with them at night. Combined with the fact I only get them every 5 years the chances I'm going to come down with one while out in public are almost nil. And if I do? So what, I can make it home safely. Being sick in public isn't going to kill me.
    -If you get a sv you feel really great a day or two after and really appreciate your health. You're also free from worrying about catching it for the next few months even if you come into contact with others who have it
    -my daughter is going to bring home many sv in the next few years but I won't catch most of them. If I do it won't last long and my husband will look after us. If he gets sick too HIS mother (who is a nurse) will look after us.
    -I would die to protect my daughter. So I would also risk v* if it means protecting her from getting emet, being scared and sick without me to comfort her and not depriving her of all the wonderful (yet germy) experiences of a happy, normal childhood.
    -It's normal and hygenic to wash your hands after using the washroom, changing diapers, handling raw meat, cleaning something dirty or before eating. Any more than that isn't necessary
    -Eating out, travel, socializing, swimming in public pools, and many other so called 'risky' activities are what make life fun. They rarely make you sick and are worth it even if once or twice they do
    -Just because you hear other people talking about how they got a sv and v* 30 times in one night doesn't mean you will. Even the worst sv* has only made me v* a handful of times
    -I choose to live. There are thousands of better things I can spend my hours/days/months/years enjoying instead of worrying myself sick. If I let go and accept that I will be sick I can live in the moment and be happy and healthy over 99.9% of the time instead of anxious and miserable all the time.

    3. I have adopted a song for when the negative thoughts/worries start to loop through my mind. Whenever I catch myself falling into those patterns I start singing 'Let it be' by the Beatles until I've stopped myself and just let it go.

    4. Setting small goals to keep myself from getting out of control
    -Keep taking my daughter to swimming lessons every week even though the pool is 'germy' and sick kids go there. She loves it too much to miss it
    -Keep making playdates with friends, even if they are 'safe' ones (going for a walk outside)
    -Keep going out in public to grocery shop/ect
    -Make a goal date to start doing things that I'm still too uncomfortable with during noro season (Start bringing her back to playgroups in April or May when the sick season has died down a little and letting her suck on the toys/crawl around, eating out, ect)
    -Keep working on my exposure PSTEC every day at least once
    -Journal one experience/aspect of my emet from my life each day to 'get it all out'
    -Stop googling noro/ect and stop reading non-constructive 'freak out' posts on emet boards. I'm here for resources/support to get well, not to fuel my neurotic tendancies.
    -If you read a noro type status on facebook, don't let it freak you out. Of course out of your 300+ friends one of them will probably get sick every week or two. It doesn't mean that I will.

    If any recovered/nearly recovered emets have anything to add please help me out. I want to be as efficient as possible in my wait for therapy because after wasting the past 30 odd years freaking out about v* I refuse to waste another single day, especially considering how quickly my daughter's babyhood and childhood are already passing me by. Please help!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    You have just upped my gain! I love your way of thinking. You have some fantastic cbt tequniques worked out even before you have started official treatment!!! I really empathise with you as it is like looking at myself while reading your posts. I have stolen your rational thoughts as I think they are very helpful! Hope you dont mind :-)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    Once my cbt starts properly (just had a cpn until now) I shall update and pass on what I have done and achieved in that session. You never know, you may be able to apply some of the tequniques to your own circumstances. I really admire your positivity. I joined this site many years ago but was frightened away by the negative comments as they just fuelled my fear. I tended to join in with everyone as that was the stage I was at then. It's refreshing to see how things have changed on here over the past 6 years.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    Yes, anything you learn and can be passed on would be great. I know the purpose of a therapist is crucial in developing a sense of safety and trust, but I have a good personal support system and am finally in the mind set to overcome this now as opposed to some day. I too am trying to avoid any negativity/obsessive posts online and am only interested in recovery at this point. I've spent the last 3 decades obsessing, that's plenty for one lifetime. I'm glad someone else is in the same position regarding recovery right now. It's like having a diet buddy/workout to motivate you only we emets rarely have need to diet as we worry ourselves thin ha ha.
    Last edited by lisalulu; 06-17-2018 at 06:33 AM. Reason: privacy (email in post)

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    One thing I have discovered over the past month or so is that the love for my children is a great motivator. My phobia was often brushed under the carpet as a child which I think made the phobia more difficult as an adult. I want to ensure I am able to care for them when they are ill without encroaching my fear onto them aswell as letting them be kids!! People know I dislike v but only my husband knows to what extent. I to have been self helping and as you know it involves a lot of self discipline and worry aftertaking part in "risky" situations. It's all about rationalising. I still won't visit friends and family if they have been ill, (fair request- I call this evidential risk). I will now go to others houses with out interrogating them before I go. (So hard to do and I call this potential risk) So I am at the point of taking part in activities that carry the "potential risk" status at the moment. I am pleased to say this ok acceptable for me at the moment. I am not sure if it is because we are leaving the noro season that I am coping so well. But hey, I can be cured of obsesive thoughts feelings and actions during the months April to august I will be one happy lady!! I like it, we are now officially workout buddies(mental work out that is haha) Heres a good one lol, I can eat a portion of mcdonalds fries without using my hands or a fork- very interesting to anyone looking through the restaurant window. My husband thinks it's funny but very embarrassing.. note to self... next test = eat fries with my fingers. I know we can do this. lets call it a christmas present to ourselves to be cured or almost there by december/jan

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    I actually ate out today and ate fries with my fingers. I did however use the noro killing sanitizer before eating and then *shame* reapplied it after my brother in law handed me the ketchup and I picked it up to squeeze some on my plate. But at least I ate out in the first place!
    I cancelled swimming plans on Friday with friends because one of them and her daughter had a stomach virus this week but I think that's totally normal. This woman is one of those 'we should all just get stronger immune systems by getting sick' people and I don't agree. I'm not afraid of catching colds at all but I'll still keep my distance if someone is sick with one. I often use colds as a measure for my emet reactions- would I avoid this if the person had a cold. If the answer is yes then it's perfectly normal.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    Ok.. Last night my legs were like jelly as for the first time I was preparing my daughter to go to nursery when I know there is a bug doing the rounds. I used to make up an excuse why she could not go in. This morning I sent her in. I feel NORMAL although it is killing me.

    Took my 2 year old to an outdoor messy play session and he loved it. I let my sis in law wash his hands after as they were all painty. Not like me at all to trust someone else to wash the kids hands.

    The swimming pool in still a huge challenge for me- well done you though for going . I understand completely about the whole"strengthen your immune system thing" I think it is just an excuse for people who can't be bothered staying in for the suggested 48 hours.

    Great about eating out!!!! I have eaten lots recently in frankie and bennies and tried not to think about the cutlery and stuff.

    If you are interested I have an emergency coping plan if there is another illness amongst the kids. They have both had 2 so far. Those 2 times were when I was unprepared and weak minded. I have an action plan now which makes me a little more relieved (only a little bit though) I have what I call a care kit under the kids beds and bleach based cleaning products under the sink. Its like a safety blanket under their beds. I suppose to the normal mum what the kit contains is slightly neurotic. I know you dont want anyone elses crazy things adding on to your own, so I will only tell you the contents if you ask...:-) it contains things to protect myself catching bug ect once the kids have been ill.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    Sure, tell me about your kit! My mom isn't at all emet but was super hygenic whe we were sick which meant nobody in the family ever caught it from each other. I think the purpose of overcoming this phobia isn't to get sick- it's an inconvenience for even non emets. It's just when it interferes with your life to the point where you can't enjoy your everyday life, comfort your sick child or eat/sleep when a family member is ill because you're so terrified. I still plan to clean up when she gets sick!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    161

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    I have no choice now but to deal with my kids being ill as I am on my own for 14 days of the month. My Husband works away for the other two weeks. I have no family close by ect mother in law who does not know of phobia (so can't let her see me in a state). So to ease my mind I keep a clean up kit under the bed. Inside it is :-

    Surgical gloves,
    Used to have a painters mask but thought it would freak the kids out lol so thats now gone.
    kitchen roll
    Alcohol gel
    Spare hand wash incase we are running low
    spare spray bleach
    washing up bowl lined with a bin liner. Then I don't have to have the trauma of washing it out. I can just tie in knot and thrown in the bin.

    Looking at that list now after reading what you said. I agree that it is perfectly acceptable and normal to be hygienic and prepared. But yeah the mask is gone!!! Although sometimes I wish I was still in the RAF so I could used my gas mask. Now that really would give the kids issues. Pre children I have been known to use it for empting the cat litter tray though :-)

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    532

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    My husband told me I'm not allowed to wear a mask if she's sick and if I'm too afraid going near her without one while she's being sick that he will look after her instead. I want to be there to hold her while she's sick though so I guess I just need to beat this before she is.
    My biggest wish is to feel the same way about stomach viruses that I do about a bad cold. Sure I don't want to catch one but they're a part of life and I'm not afraid to have one. I guess it's harder once you have kids because you can't just hole up in bed for 3 days, read trashy novels and sip gingerale when you get sick- you're on duty no matter what.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Jacksonville, NC
    Posts
    1,437

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    I feel the same way about the bad colds. When they have colds I love on them, kiss them, tell them I feel so badly and I wish I could help them and I NEVER GET THE COLDS!!! Why oh why can i not dothe same thing for the SV?

    I love the under the bed kit! What a great idea, especially the lined bowl...That is perfect! I havethe gloves, mask, bleach etc, but the lined bowl is the best! Thanks for that!

  14. #14

    Default Re: Self treatment (for now anyway)

    What is PSTEC?

 

 

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