for sage .... DO YOU EVER GET TOTAL CURE?

[Jenneh]

heya Sage,


i was sitting there thinking last night, do you ever get COMPLETELY cured of emetophobia? i mean, right now, my phobia has lessened a lot, in the way that i can now leave the house without panicking too much! and i can drink alcohol, be around alchohol. in the same way, my social phobia has also lessened, but not quite as much..


but i was just thinking, do you ever become emet free? or is the rule " once an emetophobe always an emetophobe" the trick is just to learn how to handle it?


i guess, within all this blabbing, what im tryin to say is, are you personally, COMPLETELY rid of emet?


hope u dont mind me asking...


Jen xxxxxxxx

[sage]

I can only answer in terms of myself. Others would answer differently, and I hate it that they make their answer for everyone, as if there's only one reality (the way they see the world). Of course in answering for me, my point is also to give others hope -- if I can do it, so can someone else. I am not someone extraordinary or spectacular, but I perhaps have certain gifts, personality traits, etc. that others don't have. What matters is whether you're satisfied or not with the progress you make, and how you're living your life. I was a firm believer (despite how badly I suffered) that I could live a life completely free of fear, no matter what anyone said - and it's now true for me. I didn't want to just "be able to cope with it". I wanted it gone. And it is gone. Took me damn near 20 years of work, but I can safely say it's totally and completely gone.


And I don't worry about it coming back because I stay in therapy - weekly. Whenever any issue of any kind comes up, it's a maximum of 6 days before I can go back to my therapist and talk about it, work on it, or otherwise address it. I do worryabout(well, worry's kinda strong - let's say I'm aware of) not going back and merrily living life and then for some reason the anxiety level goes up cuz of a death or illness or some other family thing or extrememe stress and then I'd start fearing vomit again. That could happen, but it could not possibly happen to the extreme it once was, and so by staying in therapy I don't ever have to worry about it being more than a passing thought. Who knows - perhaps one day I'll cut my therapy down to once every two weeks or once a month, but I find a tremendous benefit personally and professionally in staying in: we talk about all kinds of other issues, and the meaning of my life and goals and well...let's just say it's a good thing and worth every penny.


As for fear, I am fear-free. Other than daily for 1 hour on this website, vomit never crosses my mind. I eat everything, go everywhere, whatever. I still work in the hospital 2 days a week, and I don't give a damn who does what as far as vomit or gross things are concerned. I never hesitate to go into anyone's room or anything. I don't care what I see on TV or the movies, cuz nothing bothers me. If someone pukes on a TV show (or in person in the hospital) I will kind of "jump" like you just said "boo" to me, and then (just as in the "boo" scenario) I go "oh right - I'm ok - that's all it is". End of story. I recently spent some time in therapy trying to get rid of the "jumping", but a sensitive startle reflex is kind of hard-wired with people with anxiety disorders apparently...but even that I refuse to give up on - lol! I think if I keep working on it, I'll stop being startled too - anyway, that's my latest project.


Long answer to a good question...I'm gonna re-word the title of this thread so others read it too. Thanks for asking. Have faith!

[Jenneh]

sage .... i know that was just ur side of things, but thanks very much for sharing it all.


my story is, that iv been working on getting rid of this phobia and social phobia for about 6 months now.. and i cannot say its gone.. im hoping one day i can say "im a recovered emetophobe and REALLY mean it" and i wil work and work and work at it, until i get to that point.


at the moment, i have days wen i think "gosh, my emet has gone today" but it comes back the next day.. unfortauntely every day 24/7 i still THINK about v*.. it just doesnt make me as anxious as it used to...


i believe iv got a long way in my one hour sessoin with my social worker every week... soon she wants to cut it down to a one hour session every 2 weeks.. just to ' ween me off' and see if i can cope alone for longer periods of time.


i think i have a long way to go, i'd like to get to the point where i can go into hospitals or even school and not have to be thinking in my head " uh oh, what if someone v*s here"..... i'd like to get to the point where i can go to parties and other social events without worrying that I, myself wil v*......... i'd like to get to the point that im not concerned about pregnancy because of morning sickness...... and i'd defenitely like to get to the point where i dont need my OCD traits to get me thru an anxious day......


i dunno, do u think im wishing too much? tryin to change too much? im happy with the way i am, just think things cud be even better yknow? cause i stil have bad days, and wen i say bad, i mean REALLY BAd. just this weekend, i cudnt physically MOVE cause i was so anxious i thort moving wud cause me to v*.... i can still recognise that thats not normal, and its smthing i hope i can get rid of ....


but i fear my social worker can't do nemore... i dont know if i need to see a psychologist or smthing to get rid of the last bouts of anxiety i hold... hmm... smthing to think about neway eh?


thanks for replying Sage ... tke care


Jen xxxxxxxxxxx

[sage]

any therapist who suggests "weaning you off" (I sure hope those weren't her words) is probably not able to take you much farther - you are right. The notion of being "weaned" is perhaps indicative of her belief that you depend on her - that you aren't actually doing the work yourself, but she is doing it - SHE is 'curing' you. This is unenlightened, to say the least. She may be facilitating the process, but you are the one curing yourself.


So if you're not completely cured, then why would you see her less? That doesn't make any sense. Perhaps she specializes in short-term solutions, rather than complete healing. After 6months with the therapist who successfully treated me, I was just getting into it - just beginning to really trust him and he was just beginning to figure me out, and figure out what would work best.


So I guess the best thing to do is just what you are doing: keep working with this woman as long as you're getting better. Then if you both agree she can do nothing more, then move on to someone who can help you. I moved on 11 times before I found someone that I could work with - who believed me, and believed in me. You will too!

[Jenneh]

she knows i have done alot of the work myself... cause last time i was there she congratulated me on it...


hmmm i dont konw really whats going on, next time i see my psychaitrist and her together il make surei find out...


but i know she has the impression im dependent on her cause she basically was saying " ill see u once evry 2 weeks to see if u can cope with it alone" kinda thing... which i dont mind her thinking that i guess...


oh pants im confused, sorry. lol.


Jen xxxxxx

[sage]

I dunno - every therapist has a different approach, so I probably shouldn't comment one way or the other. My therapist began our work together by promising he would never end it until I asked (he said this voluntarily without my prompting - on the first session). My last therapist who treated me so well encouraged "dependence" because it helped me to trust another and believe that others cared and were willing to help me. Once I got rid of the phobia, it was easy enough for me to see that it was not necessary to keep going to him so often.


Anyway, as I said - everyone's different. I guess if you can't cope without seeing her weekly, then that will become evident and you just start up again. Perhaps it's the same thing then.