I have a long term therapist, and since I discovered what emetophobia is, and read about desensitization therapy, I've brought up the possibility of doing that with him.

I think I'm afraid that I'll start associating my therapist with v* and will no longer feel safe with him. It feels sort of silly to go to a separate therapist for this one issue, and I'm not sure how easy it would be to find someone who would understand how very difficult it is.

Also, I wonder how effective pictures would be. Or even sounds. I learned long ago to cover up my fears. So well that I don't even realize sometimes that I am afraid, aside from a feeling of building pressure. I zone out, I act as if I were ok although my responses may be totally out of sync with what's going on around me. I don't feel anxious so much as still and blank. Then I bolt, and it seems ridiculous to me to run when I can't even say I'm feeling particularly anxious. It all happens so quickly. How would I be able to tell in a fifty minute session whether I'm feeling not anxious and ok, or "not anxious" and not at all ok. I might not realize I'm anxious until I'm out the door. Or until I snap back into focus, so to speak. I can't help but think that my therapist would have to be pretty good at telling when I'm emotionally present because the desensitization could only work if I was.

I've dealt with this for well over thirty years. I've got layers upon layers upon layers of psychic defenses that helped me cope, but that I fear may also make it difficult to conquer this. I want to be there for my family, though, in a way I can't manage to be right now. When someone is sick I don't want them to have to worry about me leaving the house. I don't want to make all the excuses I make to avoid places where people might possibly be sick, because I end up depriving my family of experiences they would otherwise enjoy. (Trips to amusement parks, etc.)

I don't know that I'm explaining it at all well. Has anyone dealt with desensitization therapy changing their feelings toward a therapist? Or dealt with dissociation as an anxiety response to emetophobia?