Re: meds
I've tried 3, citalopram/celexa, prozac and sertraline/zoloft.
The citalopram helped so much to start with.
I had about 3 months of real life. I went to Spain with my friends, and yeah I got nervous when they were eating seafood, but it didn't dominate my life by any means.
The social anxiety was helped massively, I was able to go out to clubs and bars, I even got myself a job, got through the interviews and the anxiety of starting out and not knowing anyone! (something I doubt I could do now)
And I had very few, run away and lock myself in a cupboard, moments.
But of course like all things, it began to end, I had more suicidal ideational thoughts, not that they'd totally gone away, and the obsessions, around emet slightly, but mainly around the social anxiety and some other things became stronger again.
They upped my dose but I never really got back that same feeling of normality I'd had before. I think it was those months on the celexa that I realised that I had been unwell, I didn't realise how I'd been before wasn't "normal" until then.
Anyway, loooong story short, it culminated about a month after they upped the dose when I attempted suicide (very feeble attempt but hey ho) and for some reason they just didn't give me it at the hospital, and so when I came out I had the attitude "well if it was working I wouldn't have ended up in hospital!!" and so they switched me to the prozac.
Which I tried for about 3 months. Nothing. At all.
So finally I started the Zoloft about 6 weeks ago, so far not much, I did have one really good day, so that was a good start, but to be honest I'm not all that hopeful.
What I am happy about though, is that the celexa worked, that means that anti-depressants can help me. And that the other two didn't, at least that means it's less likely to have been a placebo affect!
On the side effects side, when starting the celexa I had a bit of n* and headache on the second day, and a weird thing, where I felt odd if I moved my eyed to the corners of my vision, if that makes sense. I was also non-stop yawning for about 6 weeks!
The other 2 I had no side effects except the standard that gets me with all of them. The vivid dreaming. It sounds stupid and like it would be irrelevant, but it really does get to me sometimes. I can have nights where I have such realistic dreams where it's basically real life and I'm depressed and panicky in my dreams, as well as in real life when I wake up, and it feels like even sleep, which used to be my safe haven, has been corrupted!!
They've all been okay with withdrawal too, the celexa I felt that weird eye thing. Prozac nothing. And I've been off the zoloft for a few days at a time before and felt nothing.
All in all, they affect everyone differently, and there's hundreds of them, so if one fails theres always more!
Sorry for the essay! Good luck and keep us posted
"if the good lord had intended us to walk, he never would've invented rollerskates"