so very afraid...

[symphonicfaith]

I thought I was getting better... Since I joined this site a few days ago, I've been feeling like I could stand up to most anything.... *sigh*.......


I was at a friend's house last night where there was a small gathering of people. . . . and alcohol. The night started off pretty well, everything seemed fine, and I was having fun even though I was the only one not drinking. One of my friends who was there is kind of an odd guy, so I don't take him seriously most of the time(especially if he's been drinking)... but last night he kept talking about how he wanted to drink until he v*ed. Needless to say, I started freaking out, especially when he just kept going back for more and more to drink. We were all sitting and watching TV at some point, trying to think of something to do, and he started joking about feeling like he was going to v*... so I asked him in all seriousness if he thought he was going to, and he said yes, even though I could tell he was lying. But still, I got up and went to the next room, to hear him make fake v* sounds (I HATE those!!!!!). *sigh* So later, as the evening was drawing to a close,a differentfriend (whose house we were at) told me that she wasn't feeling well. She hadn't drank much, if anything, so I knew it wasn't that, which meant that I was worried she was nauseous or something, and continued to freak out even more, because I figured I would catch whatever she had. As I was saying bye to everyone, someone spilled a drink behind me, and someone screamed, so instantly I thought my drunk friend had v*ed, and I FREAKED, which made my other friends think I was nuts. Shortly after, when I found out everything was okay, I most certainly wasn't, and had to get out of there, so I did, and several people left at the same time I did (they were going back to the same dorm). I just wanted to go for a walk, so I left them and commenced having a panic attack. A few minutes later, I looked back to see my friend who said she wasn't feeling well walking, trying to catch up to me... I found out that she wasn't sick, and I felt my panic wash away from me. I was SO relieved!!! Apparently she had been under a lot of stress, and having a lot of people at her house was making her have a panic attack, not because of emetophobia, but I assured her I understood how she was feeling and we walked and talked about our problems for a while. It was really quite a comforting night... after we were done walking, we just sat and talked and looked at the stars... and were there for each other.


So... even though everything turned out okay in the end, there was a period of about 30 minutes in there somewhere, when I was definitely NOT okay. It was absolutely awful... I just wanted to die. It really scares me that I still get that way... it really scares me that I have no control over this. I'm really scared it's going to prevent me from living my life. I'm just really scared. . . .


If there's anything you could suggest that might help in any way... please let me know.





Living in fear,
-Zach-

[hippyclown]

Oh Zach, don't worry! I think you were soooooo brave to even go to one of those parties, I wouldn't. And as for staying in a house with someone who intended to v*! (Who sounds like a jerk by the way) And it was great that you reassured that other girl, when you were stressed out yourself. You said that for 30 minutes you felt awful BUT YOU STAYED! I can't stress how great that is! I would post that as a triumph personally.You were doing well, don't consider it a downfall if yougot a bit freaked out by on incident.Please don't live in fear, that's not fun! But seriously if you want to talk you can Pm or email me anytime. Good luck! HUG HUG HUG

[Babydoll]

I agree with hippyclown!


there are no quick fixes to this phobia, but having this board helps us cope a great deal. it gives us all hope that we can get through all of this in the end!


you did something really important by staying even when you wanted to leave. you told that fear who was really incontrol. that one little step means alot, even though you panicked. no one ever said it would be easy, right?


I know how you feel about college parties. Im 21 and in univesity and I spent the last year partying my butt off, while staying sober. Ive had to put up with MANY drunk people, but it helps me in the end.


my friends think im retarded but I usually drive and I always do what I call a "V* check" before anyone gets in my car and I only ever let certain people come with me. that way, Im in control of the situation and I feel safe. If they want a free ride, they put up with my wierdness, hehe.


anyways, I just thought Id let you know I can relate to your situation and maybe if you did some of these things you might feel more in control!

[Jenneh]

yeah, i agree with whats already been said.


you got thrui that bad experience, and ur here to tell the tale. i think even NORMAL peopole sumtimes get edgey wen someone says they're going to v*, cos lets face it, its not a nice thing for anyone.


so, dont let this bad experience beat u down. u said u were doing well, so keep on doing well. stay strong, eh?


Jen xxxxxxxxxx

[izzybee]

I agree with everyone else. We all have tought times but you survived and thats the important thing. Well done

[Melikasa]

Well done!! You stuck it out which is sooo key. Even though you thought/think that you were weak for having an attack, the fact that you stayed makes it totally opposite. Great job.


Just because you had an attack doesn't mean that you are on a relapse though either hun. There will just be days that are not as easy as others. I had a day where I was fine (well sort of) taking care of my sick baby, Then a couple days later I was at the store and I freaked because I thought someone had been sick. All I wanted to do was get out. I was willing to leave my shopping behind.


Keep up the good work and I am glad you had someone to talk to after that is great for you both.

[sage]

Zach,


Check out the "Treatments" thread for how to cope with panic attacks, and other coping stuff. And welcome to the site -- you should find lots of help and support here. We all are (or have been) in the same boat!

[rachelle]

I can totally relate... those feelings r what freak me out the most - not being able to control what my body is doing, or how i feel.

Just remember that although it was an awful incident - You Got Through It and everything was ok. We all have bad days, it has to be expected... we have to really reallyenjoy the good days.
Keep smiling!Rachel x