What I never learned

[sweetfreak]

Somehow, I never learned as a child that love is stronger than fear. When my baby brother was rushed to the hospital because of a messed up stomach valve, I trembled all alone in terror. I was forgotten. Why wouldn't I be? My brother was sick, and he could have died if he wasn't taken care of immediately. But there I was, no one to tell me that he was going to be okay, no one to hug me, love me, and calm my fear of the unknown. And I had no idea how to express how afraid I was during that incident. To this day, it is practically impossible for me to shed a tear in front of someone I love, especially if they tell me they are leaving me forever. It's not that I hold back my feelings, it's that I don't feel the fear or the pain in that moment. Even if I try to force it, it doesn't come. It's only later, when I am alone, that the feelings come out, and I cry like a baby because it is so scary to feel abandoned, to feel thatI wasn't worth that person's love.


I think I have found the true root of my emetophobia. I am so ready, to love someone enough that I won't run away when they are sick. I will take care of them, show them how wonderful they are, how worthwhile they are. My love for them will be stronger than my fear. I will kiss them while I tremble in terror inside, and no one will feel more loved than that person. My fear of vomiting will finally be my friend.


I know I can do it if that kind of situation arises. Please, words of encouragement are needed.

[Jenneh]

awww... you sound so wise!! and so ready to do this... i am so pleased for you.


i really do hope this is the last time u'll have to say that... because u deserve to be freed of this.


but iguess u can do nething if u put ur mind to it really.... so goodluck and keep at it !


Jen xxxxx

[chloe]

I long to reach that feeling - of loving someone enough to be there when they are ill - especiallythe ability to be there forthe children I long to have one day...


I really hope you are successful and are freed from emet...it is such an obstacle sometimes[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


I cross my fingers for you and wish you the best of luck[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[emms]

Sweetie~

It's so interesting that you post this! Just this very weekend I've been struggling with the same, but my conclusion is a little different. I think I'm scared of being in love (because I've seen so many others hurt) and I use the emet as a disguise. I tell myself that I can't date anyone because they will get sick and my true colors will come out. I am so terrifed as being seen as "crazy" that I turn my back on it all. I do everything I can to get them to run away (so I can always be the victim??) Nice little excuse, eh?

I understand your apprehensions, but it sounds like you are ready to make some progress! I wish you only the best, and please know that you are stronger than this, and your heart will survive the emet. After all, these things are only put on those that can deal with them!

Anytime you need to, feel free to PM or email me [email protected]