Hi everyone! I'm new here and I'm so glad I found this website. Prior to two days ago, I didn't even KNOW about the word "emetophobia". I have no idea that it was a legit phobia!

Before you read on, warning: I'm going to describe some situations and use some words that might be triggering. I really feel the need to share the full story.

I guess I'll start by saying that I haven't really vomited for 18 years. I'm 26 now, and I remember virtually every detail about my own previous vomits. In fact, I remember in great detail situations in which OTHERS have vomited too, although I don't really have a big fear of others vomiting (unless they have a virus).

Here's my history:

2 years old: I remember vomiting in the downstairs bathroom at my parents' house. I was wearing pigtails and a footsie pajamas. My mom was using a dark green wet washcloth to cool me down and/or pat my back as I vomited.

6 years old: I had the stomach virus. I saw Santa at the mall and when he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I couldn't remember anything that was on my list. We went home and I sat on the floor of the TV room. I told my mom I felt sick. Next thing I knew, I was throwing up. It was orange from the orange soda I'd had earlier in the day. I threw up many times, well into the night, and I slept on the couch while my mom watched Dallas. My mom said I didn't have to brush my teeth that night, so I didn't. Once I recovered from the virus, I began compulsively using an image to ward off nausea -- an image of me, viewed from the 3rd person, kneeling in front of the toilet I'd vomited into at my parents' house. I imagined a big "X" over this image and a soundtrack of James Brown's "I Feel Good" playing over and over. I felt like imagining this would prevent me from vomiting.

8 years old: I went to the clothing store Kids R Us with my mom and my grandma. I remember trying on a white shirt with rhinestones -- and the rhinestones felt particularly cool on my skin (presumably because I had a mild fever, I think). After the store, we got some McDonald's french fries. I ate most of them. When we got home, I felt like I was going to vomit. I dry heaved while standing on a Popples sleeping bag that was on the TV room floor. I told my mom that I'd thrown up on it. She went to investigate and found nothing. Then, I ended up vomiting in the downstairs bathroom toilet. I only vomited once (and it was green), and then sat on the couch and read an issue of Popular Science. My nose began to drip and I could smell the vomit. It reminded me of rotten cucumbers, and to this day, certain hairdryers tend to replicate this smell.

And that's it, basically. Eighteen years have passed since I last vomited. I've had three "close calls" since: two half-vomits (my own term) and one acid-reflux vomit.

21 years old: Drank too much alcohol. Knew I had to vomit, but was too scared to do it. My body did it reflexively when I had my mouth closed. It came out my nose, and it burned.

22 years old: Stomach virus. I was alone at grad school in another state. I lived alone. My boyfriend was 50 miles away; my parents were 150 miles away. I hardly had any local friends. I ate pot stickers and drank Welch's grape juice about two hours before I felt sick. Also, my building had a fire alarm about an hour before I got sick. I remember walking down all 16 flights of stairs and feeling dizzy. When I finally felt the need to puke, I couldn't bring myself to allow it to happen. I got cold and clammy and thought I would pass out or die. My boyfriend stayed on the phone and helped to calm me down a bit. I sat on the bathroom floor and worked in a book of puzzles and mazes between bouts of dry heaving. After my boyfriend had gone to bed, I really felt like I was going to throw up. I called him and got his voicemail. I half-vomited only about 1/4c of liquid and announced, "I did it!" into his voicemail. He saved this voicemail, thought it was hilarious, and then added it as a track to a mix CD he gave me later on. I hate hearing it.

23 years old: Acid reflux. I was at the pool with a friend. I ate those classic vending machine crackers (orange crackers with peanut butter in between). Then, without feeling ill, I burped -- and I refluxed a small amount of the crackers back up into my mouth & onto the concrete.

So, there you have it. No one else has ever really understood my fear of vomiting or my weird preoccupation with my vomit history. I'm not clear on dates, but I definitely remember my vomit months. And it always seems to happen on Fridays.

For what it's worth, I also am diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I also have agoraphobic tendencies. Would love to meet some similar people!

Looking forward to poking around here on the boards a bit more and reading about everyone else's experiences!