I haven't been here in awhile

[killjoyous]

I feel like my emet has been under control so I haven't been here in awhile. I honestly think it has to do with the fact that my life has gotten a bit into order and has stabilized. I like my job, my apartment, my friends. I'm staying busy and having a lot of fun. Of course, there's still the usual emet things in the back of my head that will never go away...eating habits, staying away from people who are sick, getting worried on boats/planes, avoiding alcohol while pretending to drink so my friends dont' think i'm weird...but in general, none of this has inhibited me from doing things and enjoying my life. sure, everything is done with a tinge of anxiety but I've managed to move forward and try to be as normal as emet allows. Which is alot to say for me because many times in my life (usually when I have little control of whats going on in my life) my emet shows up and I become depressed, anxious, and don't eat for weeks. I haven't been like that in a long time, fingers crossed. WELL, that being said. Today, I was just sitting at my computer and OUT OF THE BLUE i had one of those horrible vomit burps. Followed by diarrhea. Well, it put me into a complete panic and I found myself immediately back to my old ways. I chugged Emetrol, made peppermint tea though I am afraid to drink ANYTHING, and i started writing in a notebook over and over like i did as a kid "please dont let me throw up, please dont let me throw up." I forced myself to take out the trash and wash dishes and turned on the TV and haven't gone into a full blown panic attack but now I am just completely scared to eat anything. I don't even know how this burp happened, I haven't eaten anything ALL DAY. And now I'm afraid to eat. I was going to go to the park and sit in the sun and now I'm just sitting at home wondering if this is finally it...after ten years I will finally throw up. It is so easy to get back into the emet trap. What do we do????? I was doing so good.

[olschesky]

i hate feelings like that......feels like a total setback......but don't let it be. the burp could have been from anything......even from acid in your stomach from not eating......

just try and remember how well you have been feeling and that you can be that way again.......

i say if writing in the notebook helped you with the panic then do it.........i have my little things i do to make it through

i hope you're feeling better by now........ and kept that 10 year streak in tact......