New here..
Well I finally decided to join this website after struggling with emetophobia for as long as I can remember, mainly because I think it'll help to speak to people who can understand the phobia.
I'm only 18 now, but I remember back to when I was 7 and my heart would speed up and I'd feel flushed whenever I heard about someone getting ill. I think it was sort of...dormant..for such a long time because I wasn't exposed to it but then last year my mum was sick and suddenly it flared up again. I start panicking sometimes just hearing someone in the bathroom especially when they cough, I obsessively sniff meat and cut open every piece to make sure it's cooked properly, I fear sometimes having a bath or shower if anyone in my house isn't feeling good in case they need to be sick, because I'll be trapped in there because I'll have to hear them being sick, and I'll be trapped in there until it's all gone. Once my mum got food poisoning and I avoided going upstairs, especially to use the bathroom, all night (she even commented the next day on how she heard me "running past"). Even though I was downstairs I kept having panic attacks and crying even though I couldn't hear anything, and wasn't even certain she was being sick it was as if I was just imagining it. The next morning, even though she was fine by then, my heart would skip a beat whenever I'd just see her move.
I know my phobia definitely isn't the worst out there but it's enough to start depressing me, or maybe it's just more frustrating because I wish I was willing to help people, like my mum, but I'm too scared to go anywhere near them and all I do instead is curl up in a ball on my bed covering my ears and crying. I'm especially worried about it now because I will be going to university in a couple of weeks and will be sharing a kitchen and toilets with 8 other people. I'm terrified of having to deal with people being sick when they've had too much to drink and I'm afraid of them having no sense of food hygiene.
I've considering hypnotherapy but never followed through because it's so expensive (being a student I really can't afford it) and I guess I was always a little sceptical on how well it work. I don't want to go try and see a psychiatrist because the waiting list for the NHS ones are so long I know I won't get through, even my sister who has depression and OCD wasn't "bad enough" to see one.
Thanks for reading even though I'm sure it sounded like the ramblings of a lunatic at some point..any advice appreciated
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Re: New here..
