Newbie-My Story.
Hey all, I'm Stacey, 19 from England. Have finally built up the courage these past few weeks to eventually join a Emet forum.
I remember growing up, v* was something that didn't phase me, I accepted it as a childhood thing and moved on. Flash forward to 2003, which is I think is my trigger. My sister, father and I were on holiday and my sister woke up in the middle of the night and v*, not having enough time to exit the room; I saw this and v* myself; and throughout the night we both v*. And ever since then, I have been petrified of v*. And now, I'm getting the same way about feeling nauseous.
I'm not the best at organising my writing, but I'll have a go.
Since the 2003 incident, I v* in 2008, Norovirus season; I was home alone, both parents were at work and noone could make it home. It was horrible, I hate to be alone when I feel nauseous, I have a vivid imagination and let things play on my mind too much. Now I know a lot of sufferers would rather be alone, but for me, it's opposite; I would rather have somebody sit with me and tell me it's going to be ok and v* that way, because it would mean I have somebody there with me; to talk to inbetween, to reassure me. I feel at my most vulnerable when v*. It's the lowest possible position for me to be in.
Since the 2008 incident, this just seemed to trigger my fear more. Everytime I feel nauseous now I start to have anxiety attacks, I shake, I sweat, I fear that I will v*. I don't know what to do. I often try and listen to music, something to distract me, but the nagging feeling is always there.
My fear always seems to be enhanced at night; throughout the day I can keep my fear at bay somewhat, but at nightime...I'll be led in bed and just start to feel nauseous through thinking of it, this stops me from sleeping and I often get 3/4 hours of sleep per night.
The fear is also beginning to control my eating habits, I often skip breakfist and dinner and have a small tea...it's my way of telling mysekf that the less I eat, the less I v*. I also suffer from IBS, so everytime I suffer stomach cramps, I immediately panic and think I have a bug *touch wood*.
I don't drink alcohol, I have rigorous cleaning habits and I only trust mine and my mother's cooking. If anybody says they feel nauseous I put up my defensive walla...asking them what they've ate, where they've been, what they've touched .e.t.c.
I went to my GP as I couldn't take no more and he was very disbelieving of me; he put me on some domperidone (it was more like, here you go, get out) which seemed to do a job of calming me down somewhat. But I need to go back, this fear is beginningto control everything I do.
I would say my father is my 'safe' person...I ring him if I don't feel well during the night, or if it's during the day I go stay with him. My mother and stepfather acknowledge my fear, but they think I should grow up and say noone likes to v*. I keep explaining that for me, it is something that runs much deeper to me, to no avail.
Reading some of the stories on here has helped me boost my confidence a bit, but still; I'm still the antisocial person who tends to avoid people in fear of getting ill
Am looking forward to becoming a more established member of this community, and in the meantime; if anybody has any reassuring things to say then it wouldn't go amiss at all. Am feeling rather 'low' at the moment and have had to take the day of university. I
Stacey
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your stories sound much like mine......except i'm on of those emets that prefers to be alone.....kept it secret most of my life.....
