New here, my story...

[Paul T.]

Hi all,

I've been reading through many posts on this forum and thought I would pass on my experience of emet as it differs in some respects to other people.

It's difficult for me to say exactly when my emet started; I can remember being violently ill through food poisoning when I was about 20 years old (I'm now 50!) and this was the last time I v*, so It's now been around 30 years and although I've come close, I've not actually v* since then. Although this episode sounds bad, it didn't traumatize me at the time and even now I can think about it without any ill effects. But after that I was never able to face the thought of v* again.

As to how it affects my life now, I would put it at a 6 on a 1 - 10 scale mostly, except for bad times such as when there are 'bugs' going around which can induce a mild panic within me. I think that because of the long timescale I seem to have developed a strong willpower to avoid v* so it doesn't dominate my life as much as it used to. I go out drinking (though never get drunk for obvious reasons), I go out for meals, though always choose a 'safe' option and rarely try anything new, have no problem with using public toilets. I've brought up 2 daughters and been able to cope with the childhood illnesses involving throwing up, in fact I feel that this may have been of some help for me as it meant my empathy was towards them when they were ill, thereby taking my mind off my own issues in some perverse way?

The one area where emet does still impact on my life in a big way is that of travel. Until recently I had never been abroad in my life, not through fear of flying but because my biggest fear was being ill abroad, stuck thousands of miles away from home and feeling sick absolutely terrifies me. I have recently been to Spain twice, consoling myself with the thought that it's only a 2 hour flight away from home, so I was able to cope with that, but only just. There were a couple of occasions whilst abroad when I felt ill and nearly panicked (one night I can remember plotting to myself how I could sneak out and catch the next plane home without embarrassing myself or offending anybody!) My partner wants us to go to Egypt (she's been before) and I would love to go and see the Pyramids etc, but there's absolutely no way I would dare to go as I feel the risks are too high. I won't go on a ferry for fear of being sea sick, though I can remember as a youngster going on a sea fishing trip where the sea was very rough, and I loved it, but now, no way. Even going on a train would make me anxious.

My feeling is that for me at least emet is a symptom, not a disease, almost certainly one of anxiety, and this I can trace back to my childhood.
My childhood would be best described as emotionally trying, in that I was forced through circumstance to become independent and 'in control' from a very early age and this has carried on into adulthood as I am still fiercely independent and controlling of my environment, and so emet is probably another example of my controlling. I tend to shun people for the same reasons and prefer solitary activities to social events, not anti-social just happy in my own company, and rarely ask for help unless I'm desperate. The fear of going abroad would be alleviated for me if I could drive there (or fly the plane!) as I would then be in control and able to drive back if and when I wanted to. Control, control, control.

Although emet has subsided somewhat as I've got older, the travel issue has actually got worse, probably because I've created a 'sanctuary' for myself here at home and am reluctant to venture too far from it in case I'm ill and 'trapped' away from home.

I actually started training as a counsellor a few years ago, and part of the training involved personal therapy of which I did some 60 hours, but my therapist had never heard of emet so I tended to avoid the subject; looking back now I wish I had had the courage to explore this issue in depth as I'm sure mine is anxiety based on control.

Well I've rambled on enough for now, if you've read this far thankyou, it's actually the first time I've ever written about it and has now got me thinking of looking into some more therapy

[bamf23]

Glad to hear your story! And very glad that you've thought of looking into more therapy, that was the first thing I wanted to suggest. I think your problem sounds a lot more treatable or more quickly treatable than some of ours here. I say this specifically because you seem to have figured out the basis of yours and also because yours is specific to travel and seems to be more an issue of control. I really think you should get therapy for this so that you can go on awesome trips and not miss out on things because of your fear! Good luck with everything! I'm Leah by the way =) Welcome to the site!

[hairyfairy]

It`s not that often that I come across a man with emetophobia, I think that the reason for that is that men are much more relaxed about their bodies & think that bodily functions are a bit of a laugh, just listen too them dscribing how many times they V ted on a drinking binge, they tend too brag about it .

[leeannc28]

Funny I read this, right after I get home from my weekend trip to NYC. Im pretty much the same. Mild emetophobia that stems mostly from anxiety issues, and only gets worse in certain situations. Its more of an obsession then a true phobia for me [since I still go on trips and do what I like despite the anxieties]

I must say though after my experience this past weekend, I am very proud of myself for facing the fears of leaving home and traveling and eating food I did not cook. I say this not to gloat, but to be positive in that you can get better and more used to it in time. I was also a very independent child who never asked people for help even if I really needed it, and am still like that to a degree. I normally hate the idea of being far away from home. As if v* is better in certain places then others. I just convince myself at least at home Its only pain, not public embarrassment added onto it.

I believe you will get better, since you seem to be very self aware and accepted the fact that its something you need to overcome and maybe get help with. Good luck! And welcome to the Boards. People here will definately understand you and be willing to help you :3