I'm Really Challenging the Phobia

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Today I've had what I consider to be a fairly significant breakthrough.

Uusually I would NEVER eat out, let alone at a place that wasn't a) clean to my standards and b) the kind of food I consider "safe".

But today I decided to really face this fear head on and I got a sandwich from a takeout "gourmet" deli. The sandwich was the "Mediteranian" sandwich, consisting of me having to choose my own bun from an open bin that EVERYONE goes to. Sure there's tongs but how many people touch those tongs? And how many people just grab the buns with their bare, not so clean, hands. Then the woman behind the counter put prosciutto (which tasted awful) and provolone cheese, roasted red peppers, tomatoes and lettuce on the bun. The same lady handles money and the cash register without gloves or washing/sanitizing her hands before and after. I asked for a small side order of black olives. I was given the wrong olives, and they didn't look fresh... they were a little soft.

The sandwich and olives tasted awful. Not bad, like it had gone bad, but just a taste that I really did not like. But I ate it anyway.

Now I can taste (and burp) it and it's kind of nauseating me. I know the difference between real nausea and anxiety nausea by now, and this is not real nausea. It's just that gaggy throat feeling from having eaten something that I really did not like.

But I'm not anxious or panicking. I figure the food is most likely fine because this is a very popular deli and a lot of people eat there every day, and they can't all be wrong, right?? And I'm thinking if there really is something wrong with the food or my body rejects it, and I vomit, then I vomit, and I'll handle it. I'll hate it. I won't want to do it. I'll panic. But I'll be okay. It won't be the end of the world.

So anyway that's my big step forward today and while I wish I hadn't eaten the food, I'm really proud of myself for listening to my reasonable intellect instead of my fear.

[ann32]

love it! good for you!

[olschesky]

good for you i'm still trying to figure out the difference between anxiety n and real n.......i think if i knew it was anxiety n i wouldn't panic about it.......

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

i'm still trying to figure out the difference between anxiety n and real n....

It only took me 25 years! ha!

[leeannc28]

Congrats! Keep this up and Im sure you'll be cured. Or at the very least keep it in serious check.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Thank you! I'm doing really well, eating things and putting myself in situations that I would normally avoid "just in case" and I'm finding out that none of the fears that I've held on to so tight for so many years, were true.

Now if I can overcome this phobia at the dental office, I'll be 100% over this! That's sort of my last big mountain to move when it comes to emetophobia.

[sage]

yay! Great work!

[dizzybird]

thats really good i envy u so much, my emit is more the noroviris side of things the thought of vomiting once i csn handle (on good days) but the thought of six or seven times terrifies me. But then some days when i haven't got anxiety nausia and i feel fine i can trust my self wen i say u could handle this if u were 2 vomit just wish that more positive person was there more of the time.

[turbokinetic]

Yes, congratulations on pushing yourself to this point! That was a big step and something to feel good about.

I hate that you got a bad sandwich, though. I always stick to Subway for mine. They are consistent across the country and the ingredients are fresh.

Keep it up!
David

[sage]

Good job! It takes a lot to keep up the work, but it's so worth it!

[JustLacey]

I only eat out at places I consider safe...WELL DONE!!! xxxxx

[JustLacey]

I always have to like cut everything up, peer into the kitchen, that sort of thing. Frankie and Bennie's is my favourite 'safe place'...lol.