New life - Blank canvas

[Claire-]

I would have posted this sooner, but my internet stopped working for a day.

Two days ago, I had a serious chat with my mum, and realised a LOT of things. For example, I have been alive for 5 billion minutes, and have probably spent 3 of them physically v****ing. As well as lots of other things.

Last night, I knew that I was never ever going to be scared of v****ing ever again. Before I fell asleep, I remember thinking of a room full of blank canvases, ready to re-start my life in a way where I wasn't scared of this STUPID fear.

Today I've had two triumphs. I agreed to go to a theatre on friday with my friend, and i'll go, why not, I'm not scared anymore..
AND I ate a slice of apple pie and ice cream at a resteraunt today. I'm fine, and though my apple pie had tasted slightly iffy, I ate it anyway and, well, I'm hungry now

I have to write this, you can totally ignore it if you want:

I'M NOT SCARED OF BEING SICK! I'M NOT SCARED ANYMORE AND IM NOT GOING TO STOP DOING ANYTHING EVER, I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO IM ONLY 13 AND IM NOT GOING TO LET THIS RUIN MY LIFE, NOT EVEN FOR A LITTLE WHILE. I'M NOT SCARED. I'M NOT SCARED. F*** BEING SICK BECAUSE I DON'T CARE!

I feel much better now ;P
If anyone else wants to shout something, feel free, it helps. I'm going back to school in January just like everyone else. Fresh start. New me. Not scared anymore xx

-Claire

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Oh Claire this is amazing! Congratulations on this HUGE breakthrough! Makes me feel like if you can do it, then maybe I can do it too.... so thank you SO MUCH for that!

YES! There IS hope!

[Claire-]

You CAN do it! And if you do it with me, there'll be more of a reason to want to do it! We can both try to do more things than each other, that we wouldn't have done before! And thank you, I can't wait to start doing the things I've missed out on! It's like the first day of the rest of my life and I'm not going to give up!!!

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Okay sounds good - I will do it with you!. I really like the blank canvas analogy.

I'm A LOT older than you are so if I calculate how many seconds I've been alive and how many of those I've spent actually vomiting, it'll be something like .0002 lol. Then if I calculate how many I spent WORRYING and avoiding and everything else we do, that number will be more like 437937439 lol.

I love this post! Thank you again. You're extremely wise for such a young girl... if you apply what you did here to everything else in your life, there is NOTHING you won't be able to achieve and/or conquer. So keep that in mind.

Big hug for you.

[Lieke]

Nice Claire!!!!!!

[Claire-]

I'm glad that there's somebody other than my mum that I can tell about this, otherwise I feel I may have ended giving up!
I don't know how old you are, but say you were 40, then you've been alive for 21 billion minutes, and I would guess you'd spent maybeee 10 minutes of that being sick. If emet has taken up erm.. 10 billion, say, minutes of your life, that's 6 hundred billion seconds, and you'd have spend about 100-200 seconds vomiting. Out of 6 hundred. billion. SECONDS, 150 seconds is not much. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that I had to realise this before I could realise how irrational I was being! (And I hope none of that offended you in any way x)

And awhh, I'm not all that wise, but it's just you see people on here who've had their lives taken over by emet, and I'm not gonna let that happen, hell no!
*Hugs back* If I could give you a real hug, I would. The next time you stop because of emet, do it anyway, then tell me about it!!

Now, I'm off to eat sausages

[harmonygirl72]

I am TOTALLY with you on this!!!! Let's do it!!! (I am 37, by the way.)

[Claire-]

Wow, I'm so pleased about the amount of people with me on this one! It's much nicer to do it together, I feel I have support now and don't regret telling everyone!
Just ate sausages in a bun, omnomnom, going to a theatre on friday, going to go swimming more often, AHHHH i feel so free! It's amazing! xx

[olschesky]

great idea.....i'm really going to try.......today is my 59th birthday so i've spent way too many minutes worrying about stupid vomit.

lots of hugs to everyone

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

I'm glad that there's somebody other than my mum that I can tell about this, otherwise I feel I may have ended giving up!
I don't know how old you are, but say you were 40, then you've been alive for 21 billion minutes, and I would guess you'd spent maybeee 10 minutes of that being sick. If emet has taken up erm.. 10 billion, say, minutes of your life, that's 6 hundred billion seconds, and you'd have spend about 100-200 seconds vomiting. Out of 6 hundred. billion. SECONDS, 150 seconds is not much. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just that I had to realise this before I could realise how irrational I was being! (And I hope none of that offended you in any way x)

And awhh, I'm not all that wise, but it's just you see people on here who've had their lives taken over by emet, and I'm not gonna let that happen, hell no!
*Hugs back* If I could give you a real hug, I would. The next time you stop because of emet, do it anyway, then tell me about it!!

Now, I'm off to eat sausages

Oh I'm not offended at all. I'm 47.
This phobia, like any other, IS irrational. You're 100% right.
So maybe if everyone on this thread encourages and supports each other, we can all fully recover together. The rational HAS TO overpower the irrational - that's key.

[lisalulu]

I'm 33 and I just got my life back less than a week ago. I'm not afraid anymore and it feels great!

[Claire-]

Yay! Today I went into school and spend about half an hour in my school's form room, ate a cake someone else had made, everybody was so happy to see me and I'm definately going back in January. Ooh, tomorrow is getting closer, going to be in a theatre for an hour (And I'm not going to ask to go on the end of a row!!!)

Wow, it's so nice not having to worry! Glad that didn't offend you, I wasn't trying to say that YOU were irrational, only the fear! xx


And that's GREAT Lisa! What kind of things have you done since you stopped worrying?x