My name is Amelia, and I am nineteen. I don't like to talk about my phobia and only four people in my life know about it. I am hoping that talking about it on here will be helpful to me. This is my story:
I was in the sixth grade when I first recall feeling afraid of vomit. My brother was the kind of kid that threw up a lot, and it really began to bother me.
It was in the seventh grade when it took complete control over my life. Every room I went in, I made a mental note of where all of the trashcans were just incase someone needed to throw up into one. I was constantly thinking about when the next person near me might vomit. I would ask people how they were feeling all the time just to ease my mind. My mind was like a broken record player, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
If and when I did come in contact with someone who was sick, I would (and still do) go into a state of panic. Every muscle in my body tightens up and I can feel myself getting very warm. This is the worst feeling I can think of. It is like every bad emotion combined and it completely takes over until you can't even move. I can recall one incident when my brother got sick and I hid in my room all day and couldn't get myself out of bed. I wouldn't even go to the bathroom because that was where he had vomited.
As a result of these feelings, my cleaning habits became obsessive. I would clean everything daily (and still feel the urge to): doorknobs, anything with a handle, remotes, etc. I would shower multiple times a day and scrub my skin so hard, I would be bright red when I got out.
This was definitely hard for me to think about; this went on for a few years. I went to a psychologist twice a week when I was about fourteen and was put onto prozac (which I decided I didn't need and threw out). This helped somewhat. It eased the feelings a lot, but they would come back in waves. A few months ago, it got to the point where I was reverting back to my junior high school ways and they put me back onto Prozac. I have to admit, it helps a lot but it isn't a magic cure all and I still have these feelings.
I decided I needed to get some help and support because I don't have anyone I know who has felt like this. It is not an easy thing to explain. It is life-consuming and it blocks you from doing a lot of things in life. And I'd like to know that I'm not the only one who goes through this. Thank you for reading my story.
Amelia