I'm new and it took alot of courage to do this!

[ssjj]

So Im kind of nervous about doing this, Im not sure why - I think its admitting.
Basically,
As a child, I never really had the phobia and wasn't bother by V* at all. When I was about 9, I V* and was kind of fine with it, but for some reason ever since then I have had the phobia. I think I somehow 'caught' the phobia of my brother, because he had it and then suddenly I had it. After I V* I hated sleeping in my room because it reminded me of the night and I started to get panick attacks and cry for hours, but I never told anyone why because somehow I was afraid to 'jinx' it.
I remember how I would dread going on school trips after that, and ended up crying and shaking at the back of the coach after a boy very near me was travel sick. In secondary school, I didn't tell anyone because the panic attacks stopped - I made up excuses for going on trips and somehow I managed to kid myself I didnt really have the phobia. I knew it was there but I tried to ignore it, I was trying to tell myself I would never be sick.
Since then, I haven't had any V*ing and I never was faced with it - it all happened this year.
I avoid at all times eating meat out and my mum and dad know about it. But this year, I was diagnosed with a spine condition and had to have a huge surgery, meaning alot of drugs and morphine and I was told it was very possible I could V*. For months to the surgery I couldnt eat, sleep and nobody realised the reason I was so nervous was because of V*. After surgery, I didnt V* and was SO happy, but refused to take more morphine because I felt sick and was so worried. This is when my mum got worried about it.
A month ago, everyone caught a stomach bug off our cleaner, including me yet I was the only one who didnt V*. They were the worst days of my life. I became obsessed with cleaning and eating, and I still am. Its been ruining my life ever since because I have become so obsessed - I think I am realising I am going to V* one day. And it terrifies me like nothing else. My mum doesnt understand - as I cried and wanted to go away when they had the bug, she thought I was selfish and shouted at me.

I just feel like crying all the time and its all I ever think about, noone understands.

[olschesky]

welcome to the forum.........we all understand exactly how you feel.....so don't be afraid to put your feelings out there. i never told anyone about my phobia until i got on this site and found the courage......i'm 58 years old and kept it inside all that time. i suffer my panics alone......that's what i'm used to after all these years.

i've found lots of help and comfort on this site......hope that you will also. i shared the q&a section of this forum with my mom and my husband ........i know that letting them read some of this forum would help them understand a little more about just how terrifying this phobia can be for me.

i've actually been able to function pretty well all these years.......no problems with school and have always been able to hold down a job.......not always easy though......but getting good at pushing myself past the panic and moving on.......

hopefully having a place to come and vent and get advice will be a comfort for you........

[d1234]

I can totally symphathize with your situation, once I told a friend of mine that I was afraid of V and they thought it would be funny to pretend to V (we are no longer friends) I'm new here to and don't know any great tips to overcome this, but I find just knowing that there is other people like me has helped. And i don't think you're at all strange I have some very weird superstitions myself when it comes to V.
Best of luck

[ssjj]

My friend does that too, even though she knows about the phobia, she still says 'I think Im going to be sick' as a joke ALL THE TIME! I dont know why I became superstitious just about V. I always thinks wednesday nights are the worst, I never wore that set of pjs again, I never use a plastic bag from that store anymore. Thankyou guys

[hairyfairy]

You may well never V again, it`s by no means inevitable. I have heard of people going 40 to 50 years without doing it.