my boyfriend is getting tired of my emet

[elizabeth3733]

I guess it could be worse, but he made the comment "I'm getting tired of this" because I stood where I could not see the TV screen while he was watching Campus PD. Also, he thinks I am too crazy about sanitation. It's gonna be 3 years on the 12th. I was an emet when I met him. I told him it's not something that is going to change...

[Andrilla]

I know that it can be REALLY frustrating to people around us. Thankfully, I come from a very supportive family, but it just KILLS my mom that there is something wrong with her baby and she can't fix it. She feels helpless. Someone she loves and needs to protect is terrified out of their mind and there is absolutely nothing that she can do to help. My boyfriend is big on fixing things, he sees a problem, he fixes it, but this isn't something that he can fix. It also makes him feel like he is failing because he wants so bad to make things better, but there is NOTHING that he can do but stand there and watch the woman he loves shake with fear.Try to look at it from other people's perspective, especially the people who love you. They can't understand why it is so frightening, or why you react the way that you do.

Is he acting out of frustration? Is he generally supportive? Does he realize just how bad it is? My boyfriend was a bit of an ass about it at first, but once he witnessed a bad panic attack first hand, things changed. He didn't realize how bad it was until then.

(oh, and when it comes to Campus PD, ICK!)

[hairyfairy]

I think people should be more supportive towards people with emetophobia. I can`t understand why i`s considered strange, I mean there are some very odd phobias out there. take spiders, they`re tiny & harmless(at least in this country), mice, cats, even dead leaves, these are some of the phobias I`ve known people to suffer from. you name it, someone`s scared of it, so why do people think emet is so strange?

[griffdiz]

My husband doesnt get it either. He tried everything from talking me out of it to screaming at me to get over it. I told him he is not a therapist and cant help me. He says we cant afford a therapist. I think he just thinks it is so stupid that it is a waste of money to try and fix it. He just doesnt get it.

[asianeko]

Hairy I think the reason people think emet is so strange is because it takes over our lives. With spiders you can avoid them. With emet you are scared of not only others, but yourself as well and you can't always "get away"

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Maybe we should take other people's criticism, look at it, see its validity, instead of getting defensive and hurt, and try to do things their way for a change and see what happens. For example, when your boyfriend commented that he was getting tired of this, why not make an effort to sit beside him and watch the show? That at least shows him that you're trying to change instead of avoiding it by running out of sight of the TV. What would have happened had you done that? You would have had a panic attack? So what? You've had how many of those? I guarantee the more you expose yourself to things like this, slowly, the less anxiety you'll feel and you will get better. You may never be totally over this, or you may be completely over it, who knows. But I guarantee if you keep avoiding it all, you'll never get better and will probably get worse. I speak from experience.

[Rebecca85]

I definately agree, I am in a job where I have to face v more than average, and can't always get away (I work in a school with little kids, who don't always make it to the bathroom, and I can't leave a bunch of them with no supervision, I have to wait for backup to arrive) and I definately have noticed an improvement in how quickly I can calm myself, and how well I hide it.

On the subject if strange phobias, I saw a video in psych class about a roadside cafe chef with a phobia of... (wait for it) ... Baken Beans! Specifically, Heinz Baked Beanz!

[Lieke]

ButterfliesInHerEyes, amen to that!

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

As funny as the baked beans sound (there's another joke in that lol), what's not funny is the chef has the same reaction to beans as we do to vomiting. The level of fear is the same.

[elizabeth3733]

A phobia is a phobia I guess! Well, I wish I could answer your question as to what he would have done, but I don't know. We are a strange couple and don't often do to much together anyways. He watches TV and plays xbox, motorcycles and hunts. I tend to surf the net, do sewing and craft projects, read, study, and shop. So though we live together, we are not too involved in each others hobbies (though I've been known to play some serious fallout and he has let me costume him out in 1880s garb). We share a room to sleep, but for our hobbies and lives we have separate rooms. Except supernatural and Sarah Connor Chronicles, he would probably think an alien invaded his girlfriend if I came and sat down to watch TV with him. He would be thrilled I am sure, but it is not something he would expect.
As for if he used to be supportive - Yes! He used to seem to understand, maybe not completely, but enough to realize it's one of those things not to push the envelope on. He wouldn't joke or be frustrated... it's part of who I am. The same way he doesn't want to take a plane on any vacation, especially the thought of an overseas vacation, we both have our "issues".
He never pushed me to come to the movies (him and his friends used to go about once a week, and often to see a toilet humor comedy). In the almost 3 years (2 more days!) since we have been together, he asked me once if I knew what caused my emet. I told him I wasn't sure, but gave him some theories as to different situations of what might have caused it. He never questioned me again. I guess one other time. He didn't realize that seeing "it" was as bad as seeing the act in progress. We breifly discussed it again.
Oh, and once he asked if I ever go over my emet if I would want children (we both agree, emet or not, we don't want to be parents).
Thing is, we used to respect and accept each others quirks. I don't know what happened.
Thanks for the responses. It helps me a lot to know others understand.

[crd08]

I think you telling him it's never going to change is just going to make him think you won't try to change it.
Of course I get down and think that I will have to live with this forever, but I am trying to not let that happen. I'm always working towards helping myself.

My ex would get very annoyed then he saw me have a legit panic attack and it became more real to him...for a while anyway. In the end I think it broke us up, but I don't want to be with someone who can't accept me anyway.

[elizabeth3733]

thanks crdo8. Thing is, he used to accept me, emet and all. it's only been recently. and there are a lot of things I am willing to change, that I have. I quit smoking cold turkey for the man. I ended all friendships with exes (they were all platonic, I am a faithful person but it bothered him so I don't talk to them anymore), and countless other little things that I don't even think of daily. I reevaluated how I talk to him (he likes to be asked, never commanded... so it's always "please hand me that cup" instead of "hand me that cup"). Wow I have changed a lot of my life for him. But I know he has made changes for me too. HE probably never thought anyone would get him to settle down with one woman. He never thought anyone would get him to move out of his brothers house (his best friend). I never try to change anyone, just sometimes there is some tweaking to fit. I think that is how our relationship was. Then out of no where, the emet thing. I guess I didn't realize it impacted his life so much. I am generally a very timid complacent person. But I am not gonna watch drunk frat boys v* on campus PD! nor will I watch a movie screen size v* shot. I hope I am not sounding unappreciative of your post, I am, so much... it's just, we do work on our relationship alot. not fighting and stuff, but both of us tweaking you know... and this is just one thing I am not able (nor have a desire) to change. I can't just plop down beside him and watch that. I will freak out!

[Lady Gag Gag]

I guess it's difficult for people who don't have emet to understand. A friend once told me that being afraid of vomiting is like being afraid of farting lol. He said they're both normal body functions so what's there to be scared of!

[calili]

I agree with Lady Gag Gag. I tried to explain to one of my best friends I was an emet more than once and she never got it! (I even showed her information like this website!) I told her I was looking for therapy...she asked..''for quit smoking, right? '' Other time, she asked me ''How's the vomitting going? have you stoped vomitting already?'' -.-' (She's 22!)
About relatioships, I think we all listen to that kind of comments sometimes, since we know we can really be a pain in some circumstances. (I told my bf I hated him because he gave me meat that had passed the expiration date... :x I regret this every day of my life, but I wasn't myself in that moment :|) How many times we need to cancel our dates because someone in his/her family is sick? Or other thing like this? But they're with us, anyway, so they love us and they know everybody have their problems. Our major problem is this phobia, but everybody has their own problems and weaknesses.

Hairy I think the reason people think emet is so strange is because it takes over our lives. With spiders you can avoid them. With emet you are scared of not only others, but yourself as well and you can't always "get away"

I am always thinking about this...it's so unfair..I wish I could fear spiders instead of v*!

[OnGossamerWings]

I can totally relate to this. My boyfriend REALLY resents the fact that he watches whatever movies I choose. Whenever he picks something, I usually refuse to sit through it because they're the kind of bathroom humor movies where v* is used as a plot device! He actually yells at me about this and says that I'm a bad girlfriend for not being more interested in the things that he enjoys. (I find this funny because he's always talking about how important it is to have time apart in a relationship and retain one's autonomy). He says that if I cared about him, I would change. I have a lot of anger about this because I've felt misunderstood on this subject for most of my life and the one person who I was hoping would get it really doesn't at all.

My therapist (who I was seeing for issues unrelated to emetophobia and had no idea about my phobia) says that if something stresses you out, don't do it. There are other things that you guys can do together that will bring you closer together besides watching strangers v* in a 2-hour-long fictive situation. You might say something like, "I'll share with you again that this makes me uncomfortable, and as much as I love our time together, I think I'm going to do something by myself for a bit or go hang out with some friends." Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, but this is what really helped me feel okay with saying no to certain things!

[Helley]

My best friend - she did this thing to me, which kind of scared me. She told me to close my eyes, and just imagine if I had a child. My child is upstairs and calls me saying that they've been sick - could you clear it up?. So she said just imagine you have to and you're wiping the floor by this time she put a little pool of water on the table. Just imagine you're touching sick. I couldn't really do it. My friends don't really think i'm wierd but the boys around me - think I'm. I'm 16 and I never really had a boyfriend, because the way I'm being emt, may think I'm wierd and not able to have fun. At this moment of time, it doesn't really control my life, I'm able to watch it on tv (except little britain). I love eating. I'm going to peru in 2 weeks and a bit, and going quite some height where people mite have alitude sickness, - I hope I'm able to overcome my fear and have proper relationships. There's going to be certain people who won't understand, my best friend tries to help me and overcome my fear. Lovely girl <3

[xxautumnakixx]

my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and he is generally very supportive, but he has yelled at me before. I let him cook me dinner (it was chicken because it was on sale) and I just panicked. Raw meat being in the kitchen and on his hands and in he sink. It was freaking me out. He didn't get mad because i was freaking out so much as because he felt like I didn't trust him to cook me safe food.

That being said, now we are away from home, and he has FP and I am beside myself. I am desperate to help but very scared of the situation. When he felt ill he told me to turn up the volume on the tv and call my parents to distract me. My parents aren't very supportive, but they try. My boyfriend is the most supportive but even I fear that I will push him away. My boyfriend will be moving out of state next month and after this round of FP I'm terrified of even being near him. ):