I just came across this website. I knew that emet was a relatively common thing, but this board is great.
I'm 21, and I cannot remember a time not being afraid of . . . well, you know.
I haven't v* for almost three and a half years now, but I don't know if
this may be in part to an operation for GERD that I had three years ago
this month, which involved tightening the valve of my stomach.
The surgeon said that I would not be physically able to v*, but nurses
have often said what was my one doubt: If I can still swallow food,
then why couldn't I v*?
Growing up, I lived with my sister and my mom, who both get migraines
that make them n* and sometimes v*, and my sister is in public school,
so God only knows what she brings home. I live with my boyfriend
near my college now, so I only have to worry about him and
me. My father has a six-year-old son by his second wife,
and we go to their house every Sunday. I'm constantly worried
about being too close to any of them, since my half-brother is in
kindergarten - UGH!
I don't eat much for the same reason I see a lot of you don't.
I'm 5'10", and weigh around 115, so obviously this has really taken
over my life. I have a lot of physical illnesses, so I blame my
weight on them. Luckily, my boyfriend is incredibly supportive -
we've even discussed what our "game plan" would be were we ever to have
children.
In addition to the emet, I have OCD and Panic-Anxiety Disorder. I
hate any situation that I am not in control in - I'm not a control
freak like people may commonly think, but I have to be able to get out
of somewhere fast if I'm nervous, and hate riding on the
highways. Big open spaces, you know. Also, situations where
there are lots of people and it's quiet fill me with fear -
church, clasrooms, ect. I actually walked out on my own
graduation, and sometimes fear getting maried in a traditional church
setting - all eyes on me! Ugh! I need constant reassurance
that I will not v*. Every night for as long as I can remember, I
have to ask my mom if I will v* or not before I go to sleep. When
I moved out of the house, I started calling, and when I can't get
through, I don't sleep.
As it does for many of you, this really does control my life.
There are some people who understand, and some who don't. In a
post I read earlier, I heard for the first time about EMDR, which I am
now determind to try.
Thanks for reading all of this, and please respond with something - do any of you have it mixed with the OCD or PAD?
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But I am sorry to hear that you are faced with so many challenges. I am happy to hear that your boyfriend is supportive and it sounds like your mom is too. 
