childhood experiences: how far back with effect? Warning: very graphic!!!!

[Lieke]

Hello,

I was wondering how far back certain experiences can effect emet. Again, this might be really graphic for some people!!!!

As a baby, according to my mother, I obviously can't remember anything, I used to v* a lot. I couldn't handle many types of food. My parents, thinking I was being a drama queen baby, would still force me to eat certain things, which would come back up instantly.
It got to a point where they had to take me to the hospital in the middle of the night because I was chocking on my own v* (i slept on my back as a baby.) They found me in my bed, purpe, not breathing and covered in v*. The doctors got it out of my lungs and I was fine.

Also, my mother never took care of me when I was n* or v*. Ever. It was always my father sitting next to the bed/toilet. She wouldn;t even show her face. I sometimes wonder whether my mom has emet issues as well... Of course, I asked her and she said that she doesn't like full plates because she thinks she can't finish it. She never supported my anxiety regarding emet. She more or less ignores it.

Maybe it's farfetched, but could my baby experience, which I can't even remember, have something to do with my emet? And does it sound to you like my mother has emet?

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

[sage]

Yes! Your baby experience is incredibly traumatic, and more than that your parents were probably extremely anxious as they rushed you to hospital, magnifying the trauma. (Not their fault, it's how any parent would react, but it makes the child worse.) The thing is, "you" can't remember the event but your body can. Your body was traumatized and it was about vomiting, so your body/brain will be triggered to panic when it experiences anything like that again. It also sounds like your mom had some sort of anxiety issues as well, even if she's not admitting it. An anxious mom also makes for an anxious child.

The good news is that your phobia is highly treatable. The anxiety you feel now is what we call "a body memory" and your body and brain can be trained not to react with anxiety because the trauma has passed and vomiting is indeed not a dangerous thing - there's no need to be afraid of it.

I hope you can get some help with your phobia soon. You will feel so much better about everything!

[Rebecca85]

I am pretty sure my dad is emet, too. I have been emet for as long as I can remember, so I always figured either something happened with my dad when I was young (not necessarily traumatic, but maybe he inadvertantly gave me the impression that v'ing is somehow wrong), or more likely given that my main fear is of others, maybe something happened with my brother (he was one of these kids that when he was ill he would just v where he was with no warning). But any incident like that must have happened before conscious memory (and I can remember important incidences back to when I was 2).

[Andrilla]

Most of the time, when traumatic events happen that cause phobias, they happen between 1-2 years old, so that fits very well. At 18 months, I had a similar experience. Unlike you, I was in no danger of actually choking, but I was trying to throw up and cry at the same time, so breathing became an issue. That is my mom's theory of where this came from, and it sounds like your experiences had a big part to play too. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if your mom is an emet and just wanted to try to keep it from you.

[Lieke]

Hey,

Thank you all for your thoughts and shared experiences on this subject.

I have to admit, I had hoped for a different answer. The scary part is that it means that I can't take care of that part of my emet by myself (helphelpiwillhavetorelyonotherpeople), I will probably need therapy for that. One day, when I have enough money, I will definitely do that. Unfortunately, this day is far away, and that thought makes me anxious.
On the other hand, it makes me feel like I am not crazy, that there is a reason behind all this, that it didn't just pop out of nowhere. How many times people thought that I was making it up, that it wasn't real, that I just wanted some attention. No more of that!

For now, just working really hard on the anxiety and I started Sage's exposure help online. See how far this will bring me!

Thank you all again for sharing.

[mooki]

Now you guys have me wondering. My mother said that as a baby, I would vomit frequently. She said the doctor told her I had a hole in my stomach that needed to close up. I'm quite skeptical of the medical accuracy of that claim, maybe my mom was exaggerating or there was a miscommunication. There probably was something wrong with my stomach as a child. Still is too. I've gotten frequent nausea and for basically my whole life. I wonder if vomiting frequently as a baby I learned to fear it?

[Rebecca85]

That sounds like possibly the valve at the top of the stomach. It opens to allow food into the stomach then is supposed to close to stop acid or food going back up the throat. Sometimes the valve doesn't work properly, causing chronic acid reflux, and I guess in a baby that could cause regurgitation or even vomiting. Is it something you naturally grew out of, or did you need treatment? As for being the cause of your phobia, it could be related, but then my brother had similar issues and isn't in the slightest emet, so who knows?

[Rebecca85]

Just thought of something else it could have been- a hernia. This is a gap in the muscle around the stomach, so part of the stomach can poke out.

[mooki]

That sounds like possibly the valve at the top of the stomach. It opens to allow food into the stomach then is supposed to close to stop acid or food going back up the throat. Sometimes the valve doesn't work properly, causing chronic acid reflux, and I guess in a baby that could cause regurgitation or even vomiting. Is it something you naturally grew out of, or did you need treatment? As for being the cause of your phobia, it could be related, but then my brother had similar issues and isn't in the slightest emet, so who knows?

I'm going to ask my mother about this again next time I talk to her.

[turbokinetic]

I'm going to ask my mother about this again next time I talk to her.

There is a "hiatal hernia" that causes nausea, reflux, and general stomach sadness.

Your digestive organs are in your belly area, separated from your chest by the diaphragm muscle. It is like a thick mat that separates the 2 compartments. Being made of muscle, it is very rubbery and solid.

There is a hole through it called the hiatus. This is where your esophagus passes through from your upper body into your belly. Sometimes, the upper part of the stomach will get "pulled up" through the hiatus opening, into the chest cavity. The firm, rubbery diaphragm muscle holds the stomach and squeezes it into an hourglass shape.

This puts a bind on the stomach and interferes with it's ability to move and churn food comfortably.

Diagram

Interesting?

David

[mooki]

Sometimes I hate looking at our internal anatomy. Gives me the willies. Then when I look in the mirror I think of how weird it would be if my skin was invisible and I could see all my guts moving around inside. Yuck...don't even like thinking about it. I could never be a surgeon. My dad surprised me once by showing me a picture of his colonoscopy. He was just like, "hey, you ever seen this?" And I saw from a distance hold up a pic that looked like a pink tunnel that was dark at the end. And he was like, "it's the photos from my colonoscopy." I practically had to run away. To my dad it was just interesting. To me is was frightening. I have a fear of seeing blood, guts and organs and whatever goes on inside our body.

[Rebecca85]

I watched my colonoscopy and was talking the whole way through! At my follow up, I was looking at the photos and my boyfriend went kind of green. Yet I have emetophobia and he's fine with v stuff.

[turbokinetic]

Sometimes I hate looking at our internal anatomy. Gives me the willies. .... To me is was frightening. I have a fear of seeing blood, guts and organs and whatever goes on inside our body.

Wow, that's interesting. I HATE to see someone injured and due to that, seeing "blood and guts" is disturbing to me.

However, all the internal parts of our anatomy absolutely fascinate me. I get zero aversion and no disgust at all from pictures or videos inside of the human body. It's fascinating and amazing how it all works. Often I think about what's going on inside my body. After running up stairs I feel my heart racing and it makes me feel good to have that kind of energy. After eating, I feel good about the fullness in my belly and the gentle sounds and feelings it has. It's just so relaxing.

I started to see this in a positive light when learning about anatomy, physiology in highschool and college. It went from a dark unknown to that warm comfortable life energy that I love to feel and think about now.

I know I've gone on and on about this but it has been very important to me, towards getting past emetophobia, as well as general self-esteem.

Sincerely,
David

[mooki]

I once saw on the Nat Geo channel this documentary about the internal workings of the human body. They had a camera inside the stomach, and they were showing the food coming down the esophagus being squeezed into the stomach and I had to change the channel at that point. It looked so grotesque to me that it made me self-conscious about eating. It's like a whole alien-world inside our own bodies. I think the human body from the outside is beautiful and of course there is little I appreciate more than the gracefulness of the female body. But once you get inside and see the inner workings, it's like yuck. I guess it's sort of like walking into a sparkling bathroom with marble counters and a jacuzzi and fine porcelain toilet. Then you pull up all that stuff and see all the rusty pipes brimming with foul smelling sewage. It's like you'd rather forget about the sewage and ugly rusty pipes under your feet when you're in a nice clean bathroom at the surface level. Not a perfect analogy, but you see what I'm saying.

[turbokinetic]

.... I think the human body from the outside is beautiful .... But once you get inside and see the inner workings, it's like yuck....

All that beauty is lifeless without what's inside. All the warmth you feel, the touch you get, the loving conversation - none of that can happen without what's inside.

In my opinion when you love someone, you love all of them. And that goes for self-love too. Things began to fall into place for me as I realized this. It was a turning point.

Respectfully,
David

[JustLacey]

I am acctually PRETTY sure it can be any age....I think.

[hairyfairy]

My mother always told me that I could only take one brand of baby milk when I was a baby. she said that would V if she gave me anything else. I thought : I must have been a very delicate child:, but I have since realised that my mother had a terrible memory, & what she said might not be 100 per cent accurate. I think she might have been slightly emetophobic herself, as she was always asking me if I felt ok, & that I looked ill. It used to drive me up the wall.

[Rebecca85]

You could have had an intolerance to something in the other baby milk. Or some milks are thicker than others, and so less likely to be regurgitated. Or the opposite, maybe some milks were too thick for you and made you gag. Who knows? But there was probably a reason, not just being delicate.

[hairyfairy]

Regarding the threds about the human body, It always fascinated me as a child, I loved to watch medical dramas, & I said that I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. As I got older I realised that our bodies are just not very nice at all, & now I just think that it`s an untrustworthy thing with a lot of really gross functions.

[2u4u4ever.com]

Lieke, I'm absolutely sure that you had your emet from that early time of your life. I'm confident that I had it from a trauma even earlier. Isn't it wonderful that there actually is a fair explaination for our phobia?
I would definitely trust to relay on someone like Sage if I decided to do counseling. You will be fine.

Interesting thread. I had a period in first grade when I was so fascinated of internal anatomy. That family medical book always came out of the bookshelfs back home as I grew up this time. But unfortunately it turned out to the complete opposite as I went into an emotional unstable period, I couldn't stand it anymore, it was too frightening.
I remember, sorry this is so silly, that I was having obsessive thoughts about being eaten by a giant human being and forced to be inside the stomach to see what it looked like. Surely anxious period... The gastro seemed to be especially frightening. I wonder if this could have anything to do with my emet?

[turbokinetic]

......I remember, sorry this is so silly, that I was having obsessive thoughts about being eaten by a giant human being and forced to be inside the stomach to see what it looked like. Surely anxious period... The gastro seemed to be especially frightening. I wonder if this could have anything to do with my emet?

Wow, I know I've told this before but.... I had a dream where I was inside my stomach surrounded by Mexican bean n cheese dip. It was back after I got out of school. I beleive my brain put together all the thngs I learned in biology class about anatomy, and gave me a dream about it.

It was so amazing. Imagine how good it feels to be full of your favorite warm comfort food. Think how your stomach feels. Now imagine that feelilng, covering your whole body from the outside. The heat was between warm and hot, it relaxed me down to my soul in the dream. The texture of everything was like what I studied in the biology texts. There was constant motion and it was completely 100% good.

I was just starting to get over emetophobia during that time period; and this dream actually helped me alot.

Just felt like sharing that in light of your post there!

Sincerely,
David

[andee]

This is interesting...I am in the medical field but also Hate anything with the digestive system. I don't want to know what happens to food after...

Another thing I have been working on is that I worry about my children's digestive systems. They are perfectly normal, but I cannot control how they work, am losing control over what they eat as they get older, and cannot control if or when they will get sick...this has been a huge thing for me and one I am just discovering. This phobia, for me anyway, has a lot to do with control, or the feeling of not being in it!! What you all think???

[2u4u4ever.com]

David, what an awesome dream. You seemed to feel so safe and comfortable in there, not trapped, in panic or like you wanted to escape at all. Thank you so much for sharing that. I will visualize your dream and try out to implement that comfortable and secure feeling you are describing.

andee, I deeply believe many of us had our phobia from a trauma in our lives which means that you are totally out of control during that moment. It can even be a subconscious memory, or what Sage call it; a "body memory".
When you think of that, it's really not strange at all that we are being such controlfreaks.

[turbokinetic]

David, what an awesome dream. You seemed to feel so safe and comfortable in there, not trapped, in panic or like you wanted to escape at all. Thank you so much for sharing that. I will visualize your dream and try out to implement that comfortable and secure feeling you are describing....

Thanks! like I said it was sort of a "gift" out of the blue that really helped my outlook on the situation. In that dream, all I wanted to do was be still and just "feel."

Peace,
David

[emmalinda]

i think its any age as well but mainly starts very young when your brain cannot tell what is 'safe' and 'natural'. i can actually remember what caused my emet and its wierd because i was 3 years old and i can remember something thaty long ago. i had no idea there was such thing as v*. i had no idea it existed and i got such a horrible feeling that was awful and didnt know what it was. i wanted to tell my mum and dad but they were fighting and were never happy when i came and barjed in on them so i put up with it unitl it got so bad and i ran down to mum in the middle of the screaming and suddenly projectiled all over the brand new carpet. we wernt rich and it took my dad a long time to work for that carpet money and they got soooo mad at me. and my mum actually freaked out the most and makes me wonder if she could be kind of emet? but i dunno. just thought i'd share how i think it started with me because i've had a lot more bad experinces from v* and im kind of guessing the younger you are the harder it is for your mind to understand the normality and 'safeness' of the situation. i like hearing about how it started with other people. and i actually find the human anatomy and insides very intersting. but this phobia makes me too scared to learn about it or anything in fear i'd be sick from it

[frankieanime]

I don't really HAVE a story, I don't know HOW I might've...
But my guess would have to be, the fact my mom was never there for me when I was sick since she's an emet her self. Than I got put in foster care and was in and out of homes almost monthly from city to city for the next 10 years of my life. I HATED the feeling and always felt better to have someone there, being abandoned WHEN it happens must've sparks the fear for me, and the thought it wasn't good.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

Yes absolutely it's very possible that even as a baby, your brain linked the trauma of choking and not breathing with vomit.

My daughter, who is now an adult, will not drink orange juice or eat oranges. Hates them with a passion! She doesn't remember, but when she was a baby, the doctor gave me some iron drops and told me to put them in some juice or water for her. I put it in some baby orange juice. The iron drops smelled like rotten eggs... and probably tasted the same. As soon as she took a sip, she gagged/retched hard. I didn't force it down her or anything. She retched... I took the bottle away and that was that. Didn't try it again. Now before that, she drank the diluted baby orange juice no problem... after that... TO THIS DAY... she will not touch orange anything! That's not a coincidence.

Then when she was barely 2, she was stung by a bee. She doesn't remember it. I do. And guess what? She is afraid of bees - she won't sit outside on a patio for lunch during the summer just in case there's a bee. Again, not a coincidence.

[MPMRobin]

I have no idea what caused my emet... I have no recollection of any particularly bad experiences of being sick, in fact I have few memories of being sick at all... The only thing I can think of is that I have inherited anxiety from my Mum, who has suffered from it, or picked up 'vibes' from her when she's been anxious, and that's manifested itself as emet in me... Is this possible?