I'm glad KaydeeJayde!

Today is going to be a 'big' day. A very small one for anyone who doesn't have emetophobia but I'm a bit nervous and my stomach is definetely feeling it. I'm going with my husband and his friend to a grocery store that sells turkeys (not many around here that do that) and then I'm going to the gym. I can't believe that this little makes me so anxious. Car ride with someone who I don't know is 'clean', a big grocery store that I usually don't go to, and then going to the gym. And this morning I had two eggs and some tuna and black tea. I don't usually eat tuna for breakfast and I don't drink black tea (but I'm out of green tea). Just trying to be really brave at this point and just do it because it can't possibly be as dangerous as I make it out to be in my head.

Viewing the first movie last night went really well! I didn't get nearly as anxious as I thought I would and I got into the story and enjoyed it. I'm sort of looking forward to watching a second one tonight. But I feel like this is really pushing it. TWO movies in TWO days? I'm so afraid to relax completely because I don't want to be taken off guard and come down with a sv.

I also went to a cafe right by my apartment yesterday as a warm up to going to a cafe I don't feel safe in. Me and my husband had a nice talk about my phobia and he told me he hadn't realised how bad it was for me until these past few days. I really thought I'd told him how bad it was, but I realise now that I was afraid of saying exactly what I was afraid of and why because I thought saying it would make it happen. He would only see the consequence of my thoughts (complete panic) and had no idea what led up to it. It's made him much more understanding and a lot of the resent he had for me not doing things- like me saying no everytime he wanted me to watch a movie with him, going out with his friends - he has a whole new understanding for and doesn't get upset with me for anymore. It's made a huge difference for our relationship. I don't feel as guilty anymore for being the way I am, and he realizes I am not saying no to things because I don't want to be with him.

Okay. I am going to breathe a little and get ready.