Unsupportive Husband...

[sodone]

I am fairly new to this site ....and SO gratefull to have found it. I often come on and read some of the posts and sometimes its the just the comfort alone of knowing that i'm not alone that will stave off a panic attack. I have had this phobia I believe since I was little , which peaked into a full out "anxiety disorder" when I was about 18/19 yrs old. I was so confused and miserable ,every minute of my life was a struggle, and my worst times were when I felt n. , luckily I have an amazingly supportive mom that got me through the worst of times and stood by me while I figured myself out. At the time I did not know there was such thing as Emetophobia, I wish I had. I lost alot of weight and was not healthy because of my fear that if I ate I would feel sick and then panic etc and so started the cycle. However I began reading alot about panic/anxiety disorders and was able to help myself out of it without drugs (what the dr.s wanted). I was very happy through my 20's ...I still feared the thought of v. or other people doing it but I didn't obbsess about it like I had. I had my little boy at 24 yrs old and did fine with that, even when he had s.v.....had my daughter 4 yrs ago , again...survived a few more s.v....now here I am...married with two kids.....33 yrs old and it's back. I feel like i'm just as bad as when I was 19 only now the worst part is that I now have 2 kids to think about and cant lose control of myself at all..ever! So everything i'm going through is internal and it's killing me I have talked with a couple friends about this , as well as my husband and they listen but nobody truly understands the horror of the situation and I feel so alone. Especially husband, I realize men generally are not good at this kind of stuff.....especially mine, i've known that from day one....but i never expected to need him for THIS reason. Does anyone else have a spouse who doesn't even care to understand? Much less help? It's so lonely and frustrating and i'm begining to resent him for the simple fact that he should be the one person I can count on to be "there" for me and he's literally the last. He even gets upset if I bring it up OR just blows me off like "oh that's no good" and carries on. I do talk to my mom endlessly about it, she doesn't suffer from any sort of phobia or anxiety but we are close and she gets it. Second question is does anyone have someone they consider their "safe person" ? As in someone they feel comfortable being around when you are n. or may be in a panic situation? My mom would be that person to me but realistically I surely cant tote her around with me everywhere I go! And lastly....sorry this is so long....my thoughts towards my husband through all of this is that, my mom is here now...but she won't be around forever to save the day...so then what? Where will HE be when I need him most if he cant be here for me now? What if in my old age I get very sick and need to be taken care of? Where will he be? This is huge for me and I just feel like if he ignores my biggest pain in my life being emet. what does our future hold? Am I out of my mind and being silly?? How can I possibly make him understand all of this and what I need from him when he doesn't want to understand....? And p.s. Hates talking or listening Again , sorry this is so long , this is my first post and am currently struggling with n. and panic while he sleeps. Thanx so much

[sage]

Hi sodone, and welcome to the site. I understand where you're at - I really do. I've been there and would always get upset when others didn't really understand or weren't as supportive as I'd have liked. But as the years went on and I got a ton of therapy - lol - I came to see that I needed to focus my energies on changing ME, not other people. I don't want to oversimplify it as it's a long process, but if you get some help and recover from your anxiety then it won't matter who is there to take care of you. And then you will be much more free to just love your husband, rather than expecting something from him.

I hope this helps. If you look around the site you'll find all kinds of supportive people here whenever you need them! Take care,
Sage

[olschesky]

for many years (50 to be exact) i never told anyone about my phobia.....of course, for most of that time i didn't know it was a phobia....i just thought i was sick and it scared me. after finding this forum i got the nerve up to tell my mom.....she lives 3000 miles away......and a few days later.....who of course lives with me...hahaha. i showed him the information section of this site which explains way better than i could on how i feel......it also showed him that i'm not alone in this feeling........i also threatened him with divorce if he ever made fun of me, etc......i did alot of crying and story telling and he truly got the message. he knows i don't want him to ask me about it......but he will listen if i need to talk. i'm still very private with my panic......i tell him i need to be alone and got to the bedroom.....he knows not to bother me or question me. i'm sooooo grateful for that and it seems that since i've told a few people that i trusted i have alot less anxiety........but still want to be alone with my panic.

have you shown your husband this site? i would think that having him know that you aren't the only person that feels this way and just how terrifying it can be to us emets that he might "get it".

sorry that he's not so understanding right now......hopefully things will change....

you have all of us if you need us