Alone or Surrounded by Others?

[Midnight Dream]

:O I didn't know you can *v during labour? This is what is putting me off having children, as upsetting as that sounds I would just worry about morning sickness and *v during labour! I would love to have children when I am older! Urgh I hate emet so much! x

[Leo StarGazer]

Definitely alone. The thought of having someone see me in that state is just not right. I remember when I was a kid I would get told to stop overreacting and being such a drama queen, and that just made it worse. The anxiety of having no one else understand how I felt made the nausea worse. I remember it clearly.

[Midnight Dream]

Same I know what you mean! When I was little. . . I would freak out so much and end up running around like a lunatic and running on the spot! I swear people always thought I was over-reacting!! I cant help it. . . Emet. . . .I freaking hate you!!!! x

[StaceySGMW]

I'd definitely rather be with someone, preferably my Dad/Sister- if it was in the middle of v*, or even an episode, they'd have the capabilities to make me laugh. I just can't be doing with being alone when I'm at my worst. I need that support, that voice to tell me that things will be ok, that I will get better.

[alisha27]

I have to be alone. I actually sleep on the sofa because I panic so much at night. I try to avoid waking up my husband during an episode. I totally freak out if he wakes up and sees me pacing around, flapping my arms around like a freaking bird going insane. I also get terrified that my kid will wake up and I'll feel so sick and have to calm him back to sleep while I'm in panic mode. Basically anyone around me makes me feel even worse.

[hairyfairy]

Fortunately I never v these days, but the last time I did it in front of someone, I was too drunk to care. That was in 1991, or 2,I can`t rember for sure, but I feel that I would rather die than v in front of someone, as it`s so degrading & disgusting, & I also feel thats to v in front of someone is showing weakness, as is all forms of illness. I like to be seen as a person who is in complete control at all times, it`s important to my self -esteem &self-image, I mean, who wants to be seen as the kind of person who has no control over themselves or their bodies?

[hairyfairy]

The last time that I vted in front of someone, I was to drunk to care, that was in 1991. Nowadays I would sooner die than v in front of anyone, as it`s just so degrading & humilliating. I also feel that it`s showing weakness, which would make other people look down on me. It`s important for my self-esteem & self-image to be seen as a person who is in control at all times, besides, I wouldn`t want some kid to point at me in the sreet, & yell, "look mummy, theres that lady that we saw get sick the other day" I would wish for the ground to swallow me up!

[musicbug92]

My mom or dad can be in the house while I'm sick, and if anyone had to actually be with me when it happened, it would only be them, but otherwise, I HAVE to be alone. I don't even want to do it with doctors around. If I ever happened to get sick in public, I'd rather go hide outside than to use the bathroom. I suppose it's kind of a mix of embarrassment, and the feeling that if I'm alone, I can take any insane measures I want to help calm and prepare myself lol.

[s_dl]

Very interesting post...I'm the opposite to most of you. I have to have someone with me if I feel like I'm going to be sick....I cannot be alone...unless I have no choice.

[pretendworld_]

I don't know if I already answered this post, but I prefer to have someone ''around''. There has always been someone there when IT has happened..although when I'm feeling n* I have to be alone.

[deidre71]

ALWAYS alone!! We seem to all have the same rituals. I also start cleaning and organizing like a mad woman when I feel ill. I won't even talk to anyone in the house if i feel sick, I will answer questions with nods but I will not even dare open my mouth. Luckily my husband can sense when I need him to take over with the kids without me saying anything. I even save big cleaning/organizing projects for when I am ill. Hate being emet but also feel somewhat comforted by it and by my rituals. Must be the sense of control???

[nhernandez1194]

Definitely alone! When I feel even the slightest amount of n*, no one better touch me, the A/C better go on full blast, there better be something minty in my mouth, and no one better ask me how I'm feeling. In the actual 'moment', however, I'd want someone outside of the door just in case I need help for some reason.

I don't want anyone to see me do it, to hear me, etc. But another thing I absolutely hate about the last time I v* (besides the fact that I v*) was that my mom was patting my back. I sill get chills thinking about it.

[Jen06]

Yeah, I don't know why I am the way I am. I actually wish I WANTED someone with me...b/c then I'd feel less guilty about telling my husband to leave me alone when I feel sick. Which happens frequently. And I wouldn't be nearly as afraid to go through labor and delivery if and when we get pregnant. Haha.
I honestly think if it wasn't for me being afraid for others to hear or see me being sick...I'd probably be emet-free...well, mostly.

[musicbug92]

Definitely alone! When I feel even the slightest amount of n*, no one better touch me, the A/C better go on full blast, there better be something minty in my mouth, and no one better ask me how I'm feeling. In the actual 'moment', however, I'd want someone outside of the door just in case I need help for some reason.

I don't want anyone to see me do it, to hear me, etc. But another thing I absolutely hate about the last time I v* (besides the fact that I v*) was that my mom was patting my back. I sill get chills thinking about it.

Yeah, it's like I definitely appreciate the sentiment the few times my mom was present to rub my back and stuff, but I feel so awkward when someone else is there! The one time that I was really glad she was there though was when I broke my arm when I was 10, and got sick from the weird memory-erasing med they gave me, because she plugged my ears for me. xD Speaking of which, does anybody else squeeze their eyes shut and put their fingers in their ears when they're sick?

[Jen06]

My eyes do automatically close. When I v*, though...my body loses ALL control (perhaps another reason I don't want anyone to see me in that state). I have tears streaming down my face, not because I'm really crying...my eyes just water...and tears flow out. My nose runs uncontrollably. I cough...I gag...retch...my stomach convulses... I wimper, almost, out of pain. I sometimes even pee a bit! I can't even control it. My body loses all control. But my fingers aren't in my ears when I'm actually v*ing. I can't barely hold myself up at all. But if someone else is v*ing....yes, I do plug my ears so I don't have to hear anything.

[PinupgirlM]

Today is my first time on this site and i am amazed to know i'm not completly alone. I thought i was the biggest freak in the world b/c when i feel sick or uncomfortable in the tummy region i HAVE to be alone. The first thing i do when i got to a place is look for an out or a place to run and hide if need be. Also a few of you have mentioned pinching or scratching....I DO THAT!! oh my god i can't believe it's a thing that others do to. I've had bruises all over the insides of my legs from it when i have an episode. and i have been known to pull out hair and scratch hands and legs.
You guys are saviours. I can't believe i randomly found this site. I am soooo panicked when i even hear mere mention of somone having the sv*. am terrified of being trapped somewhere like bus or plane with somone who is sick. omg i am just so, i can't even describe how good it feels to find people who feel like i do. I mean i wish none of us had this phobia and things that go along with it but i know i personally already feel better to know i'm not alone.

[Jen06]

PinupgirlM,
Welcome! I'm glad you've found this site. It is VERY helpful to know that you're not alone. It's reassuring and comforting. And there are SEVERAL people here who are more than happy to comfort and support you when you're having an anxiety attack. It's also nice to read about others' experiences and triumphs as well. There is a lot of informative info about the actual phobia...and many questions and answers. I hope you find this site welcoming and helpful in as many ways as it can. Good luck to you in your phobia venture, and once again...a very warm welcome! We're glad to have you!

Jen

[PinupgirlM]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I tried to PM you to say that but it won't let me b/c i'm new. But thank youuuuu

[Jen06]

Lol, aww, you're so welcome. The new user thing is very restricting, but rest assured...after so many posts, you will be able to freely communicate with all! Very glad to have you here, though. And soooo happy you have discovered you are definitely, in no way....EVER...alone!

[PinupgirlM]

Ok well i hope you all don't mind if i ask a few questions of you on this particular forum b/c i am a new user and can't start my own thread , but since i've found so many other similarities with you all i'm wondering if anyone else has issues with these things.
1. Do you feel nervous when riding in other people's cars, or when you don't have your own car to leave if you have an issue or feel n* when in public?
2. Do you find having this phobia restricting your want to travel?

I personally have to take my own car everywhere i go and preferably go alone with out driving anyone else. B/c i've definitly had uncomfortable feelings in cars with others and get really nervous if i start feeling a certain way and don't want to let on so i don't get embarrassed . But for example in traffic jam with another passanger is a nightmare! yet by myself i can do anything.

[jennnh]

why cant i post a new thread??

[Jen06]

PinupgirlM,
Yes, I am definitely freakish about traveling at all...but especially with others. And especially if I'm not the one driving, and it must be my own car. If I'm feeling nauseous, though... I get even more anxious if someone else is with me. It restricts my traveling very much so. I can't/won't get on planes to go anywhere. I will rarely take trips any longer than 30 minutes away from home. I won't go on a cruise b/c I'm afraid of motion sickness. I've never seen the ocean. I've never been to Disney World ( a place I'd love to go before I die). I can't go out to eat either. Not because I'm afraid I'll get food poisoning, but because I'm afraid something will make me sick and I'll have no where to escape too. It makes me very anxious. I hope this helps a bit.

jennnh,
I see that you've only posted 11 times. I'm not sure exactly how many posts you have to make before you're capable of starting a new thread. You can go to the games section of this site... to 'text' games and get plenty of posts up there. Then you should be free as a bird to start any new threads your heart desires.

[claire43]

why cant i post a new thread??

If you go to the bottom of the page to Forum Jump and click on private forum or general discussions there is a button marked New Topic. If you click on it you can make your own post. Hope this helps

[PinupgirlM]

WOW . Jen06 that is EXACTLY how i feel. I can only go out to eat if i have my own car but prefer to eat at home so i'm safe. A cruise is my worst nightmare! Makes me tense just to think about it. I absolutly haaaate flying. Esp at night if i can't see out the window, i think i'm getting dizzy and air sick or something. And even looking at the v* bags on the plane omgggg!! One time i pulled out so much hair in the throws of a panic attack on a plane. Luckily the person next to me was asleep and didn't notice. I have to fly two hours in april and i'm already dreading it.
I feel so embarrassed when i can't get in anyone else's car or have to "meet" somewhere.
Does anyone have any good excuses to tell friends who aren't aware of the phobia when this occurs?

Also, what do you guys think about drinking alcohol ? i have never taken more than a sip at a time b/c i'm afraid of v*ing. And i have always hated being around drunk people b/c i'm afraid they will.
SOrry to ask so many questions i'm just so glad to have found this forum and after my 10 posts i will post a new thread with my questions!

[Jen06]

You don't have to apologize at all for your questions - that's why we're here!
That's awful about flying. I've only ever been on one private plane before. We had to actually RENT a car to come back! I felt awful! I was truly nauseous though, not anxiety nauseous. I feel embarrassed too. I am normally okay if the person knows I have it. They know I have to sit in the front seat or I get car sick. And they also know if I say to pull over...I mean it! Haha.
I would just try to be honest with them. You could say, "I have severe car sickness if I ride with someone else. I'm not sure WHY, but I do...would you like to ride with me instead?"
I have drank alcohol before. I've actually v*d from it on three occasions. But I have drank way more than those three times! The first time, I had never really been drunk before...ever. I threw back about 6 full-size margaritas in 45 minutes. What I didn't know was that while my friend's fiance was making them, he was ALSO adding seperate shots of tequila to the premade mix. Needless to say, I did some stupid things that night that I didn't remember in the morning. I was told I went to the bathroom to pee and came back into the living room in nothing but my underwear and bra. Haha. They said I kept saying, "it's sooo hot in here." I guess I then proceeded to dance around and fell backwards over their chair, knocking it over as well. I broke a margarita glass and attempted to clean up the glass. I don't remember any of that. I do remember sobering up after about the 5th time I v*. It's so different when you're drunk, though. You really don't care at all. And it's just plain liquid...but with a painfully sweet taste. Nothing like sober v*. The second time, I took 3 1/2 shots of Hot Damn 100 Proof. It was WAY to strong and gave me instant indigestion. I got sick once...mainly from acid. But the funny thing is that I wasn't panicked. I didn't really feel nauseous. I just knew it was coming. Once I got it out, the indigestion went away and I actually snacked on some chips and salsa. The last time...I had just quit my job. I was extremely upset and wanted to get smammered. I drank a full bottle of vodka (mixed with Sunny Delight...which I now know isn't a great mixture at all) with my best friend. We're both quite small, so it was definitely WAY too much for us to take in. I threw up about 5 times...but again...I didn't care and it tasted/felt nothing like sober, real v*. And I wasn't really nauseous any of the times. Just soooo much pressure on my stomach. I knew my limits both times I was really sick...the first and the last time. I just kept drinking anyway. I've drank several times before, in between, and after all v* episodes caused by alcohol. I know my limit. When I begin to feel a little tipsy, I know to stop. The only thing you have to remember is this: "Beer before liquor makes you sicker..." "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear." Don't ever mix dark-colored alcohol with light-colored alcohol. Try not to mix anything, really. Start off with something very light, like a Smirnoff or Becardi malt drink. See how you do on that. You could ever start off with beer if you like it. Get your body used to that...learn where your limit is...and then you can start adding other things to your alcohol diet.
If you hang out with others who know about your phobia and they're drinking, just say, "I'll freak out if I see or hear someone getting sick...please give me fair warning!" Kinda make a joke out of it...but make sure they know you're serious. If someone gets sick from drinking...remind yourself that you CAN'T catch it from them. And keep in mind that every person's threshold for alcohol is different. What makes someone else sick may not even phase you one tiny bit. I hope this helped.

[KaydeeJayde]

I need my mum with me when I'm panicking. I'm not so much afraid of myself vomiting though, only other people. The worst was when my boyfriend used to get sick at my place, and the bathroom is RIGHT next to my room, and my room is meant to be my safe place. It freaks me out how much that can be sabotaged. Anyways, I need to be able to be with, or contact my mummy, otherwise I feel lost and I'm likely to just break down.

[chocolategirl]

I do the same exact thing! I tend to want to hum and scratch my wrist, or dig my nails into my palms, anything to distract me. So I think i'm better off alone lol

[Jen06]

Welcome, chocolategirl! I see this was your first post. We're glad to have you here!

I sometimes knock my knees together...very silly, I know. I always lay halfway sitting, halfway standing with my knees bent together. If I start getting very close to feeling like I might v*, I knock them together very hard and very quickly. It distracts from my stomach, I suppose. I also sometimes pull on my hair and/or scratch my legs. I guess it's a way of releasing tension.

And kaydeejayde, I used to have to have one of my parents with me when I was younger. If I didn't, I would literally freak out. Crying and all. When I started viewing v* as embarrassing, I didn't want anyone at all with me. I'm still like this now, even with my husband. But I suppose if ANYONE had to see me v*, I'd rather it be my mom or dad. They've seen me do it several times in the past...what's different about now, right? Haha. But I totally get that. And I understand what you mean about your 'safe place.' I have felt like that before too. It makes me antsy to know someone, even my husband, has been sick in one of our bathrooms because I feel like this is my home...it's my safe haven.

[KaydeeJayde]

Ugh, I'm glad someone understands. My boyfriend once asked me to bring him a bucket when he was feeling ill while he was at my place, in my BED no less, and I was like, "You are NOT throwing up in my bedroom, this is MY place." and I made him go to the bathroom. I need somewhere to go where I KNOW I'm safe, otherwise, where CAN I feel safe? And I need SOMEWHERE to feel safe, otherwise I'm ALWAYS anxious. It's a vicious cycle, really.

I also like having my mother with me because she stops me hurting myself. I don't MEAN to hurt myself when I'm panicking, but I'm not really completely aware of myself when I'm like that, and I gouge chunks of skin out of my arms and hands and wrists, and I don't like the scars that leaves, so she holds me and keeps my hands away from each other. I don't know what I'd do without her.

[Jen06]

Moms are lifesavers sometimes. Bless your mom for being so understanding and comforting. Some parents aren't that supportive. It sounds like you've got a great mom! And I totally get the bucket/bathroom thing. You DO have to feel safe SOMEWHERE...or you really can't feel safe anywhere.