Being Made Fun of

[jo73]

I have severe emetophobia. I have had it as long as I can remember. I am now a grandmother of three. My kids knew I couldn't take care of them very well but for some reason my daughter always wanted me when she got sick as a child (which was a lot). I always felt like God must have a sense of humor because none of my friends' children got sick as much as my child did and they don't have this horrible problem. I was a basket case every time. Sometimes I would even go into another room and close my ears and hope they would not see me. Their daddy had to help a lot.

Anyway two of my grandchildren are seven year old boys. They are aware of my problem. Their mother will want me to babysit. They know I don't want them over here if they are sick. Sometimes, one of them will come over here and tell me his stomach hurts but his mother told him that if he told me, she would be mad because I would "freak out" and I wouldn't want to keep him. (She's right!!) It is embarrassing.

My children came over for my birthday. We ordered pizza. The pizza came while I was outside and my children started eating it. I didn't actually see the pizza guy come and my kids told me that they had gotten it out of the refrigerator. They wanted to know "how old it was". My husband and I live by ourselves now and it is not uncommon for us to order a pizza and put the leftovers in the fridge and it will still be there a few days later. Anyway, my son asked me how long it had been in there and my daughter started eating on it and said, "mom I hope it hadn't been in there long because that's all I need. She said she had already had two pieces. She was playing along with him. They hadn't planned it, they just knew the "right" things to say. One started the prank and the other one just ad libbed and kept it going. I was panicking because I thought they had gotten old pizza and would possibly get food poison. They both started laughing. They were actually eating the pizza that had just been delivered but knew I would believe their story. After realizing they were joking, I acted like it didn't bother me that much.

Last night for the new year, I got messages from both my kids. My son sent me a video text message on my phone titled " A video for mommy" It was a child on a video game that had supposedly been given beer and gotten drunk at "New Years" It wasn't real. He started v* all over the place. My son narrates it and it looked like you were actually in the room. It was very graphic both visually and audibly. I felt so hurt. I called him and didn't sound to happy and he couldn't understand why I didn't think it was that funny. I changed the tone a little bit and acted like it didn't bother me that much. I'm just wondering if anybody else has had people make "light" of this phobia. When people do make "fun" I usually act like it doesn't bother me. I try to see what it must look like to them. This illness doesn't just affect me. My kids had to experience it with me while they grew up. They were always understanding but I always felt guilty that I didn't help them a lot with this. Maybe this is just their way of handling my stuff. I know they don't want to hurt me. Sometimes it does help to not take it so seriously, but normally I would have not been able to watch a video like that and I think that went a little too far.

[leeannc28]

Sorry to hear that the family isn't being so understanding of your phobia. If it's any consolation I'm pretty sure they don't mean to hurt you. I get the same kind of treatment from my family either because of insecurity or thoughtlessness. My mom is like that. If she doesn't know how to deal with a situation directly or how to handle it at all she'll laugh it off or make light of it, even at other people's expense. I've generally learned to accept this about her, since it's really more about her then me when she does and says things like that.

That doesn't mean you don't take a stand every now and again. You have to. To let them know, in a mature and firm way, that they are going too far this time and you don't like it. Either that or use body language and such to show them your not laughing along and it's not okay with you.

If these are isolated incidents I wouldn't worry too much. Only if it turned into a daily or common occurrence would I make a bigger deal out of it.

[olschesky]

i'm sure they aren't doing it to hurt you..........i know this phobia looks silly to most non-emets. i agree with leann....laugh when you can about it.......but take a stand if needed. i would think maybe talking to your adult children about it again might atleast stop them from taking part in the jokes......

when i told my husband last year about my emet i threatened him with divorce if he ever made fun of me.........he totally got how important that part of it is to me......

[todzwife]

I've gotten to the point for myself that I have to laugh AT MYSELF because I KNOW how dumb I must sound. I had a long talk with my mom yesterday about it. Most of me knows that it's just NOT that big of a deal but then there is that small emet part of my brain that goes "aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh we're all gunna die! The world will end!!" And I KNOW it doesn't make sense to anyone who doesn't have it. I told her about all the times I remember freaking out and she just kept saying "oh you poor thing". She had NO idea it affected me the way it does.

This phobia is just like any other phobia, but unfortunately because vomiting is a "natural" bodily response that we don't have much control over (and let's face it, the SV isn't anything anyone can control either) it's worse than say, a spider phobia, or a fear of heights...those things can TOTALLY be avoided. So what do we do? We try to find some control in the situation, using wipes, washing until our hands bleed, bleaching after anyone has been sick in our house because there is no control otherwise.

I'm so sorry that your kids hurt your feelings. They just don't understand it.

[2u4u4ever.com]

Your children went too far when they sent you that graphic message. First of all, it sounds like they need more education on the topic, to understand that their mother is actually suffering from a real severe condition.
Secondly, what's okay or not isn't always clear within families. I'm sure their heart purpose was not to harm you. Maybe they believe you are stronger than you are, just because you are their mother? Why not try ask them for their support?

To all, be sure to be the first to laugh at your own pain, troubles and problems. Then you open up for others to laugh with you. There are so many hidden laws and manners when it comes to humour and laughter. For me, laughing with others is empathic, one recognize the trouble. Laughing at others is sarcastic and not fun at all, it's just stupid and mean. One must know a person very well before you can do that.
I can be such a clown that I sometimes realize that I'm making it difficult for others to understand if I actually need support instead of a good laugh. I had a close friend that is a clown like this too. He always tells troublesome stories about himself and it sound screamingly funny.
One day he told me he was hurt because I laughed at him. I was shocked. I explained to him that I wasn't laughing at him but to the story he told about himself that time, and I identified what it could be like for me in that situation and how my bizarre sense of humour always helps me survive and cope with life.

One other thing that caught my attention was that even your grandchildren have picked up all this. Seems like your family have no idea how much you are suffering. Can't wait for an emetophobia reformation.

[sage]

The thing is, your kids can't be expected to know how scared you are if you don't tell them. That goes for how hurt you are as well. At least twice in your post you said "I acted like..." Acting is out and honesty is in! If you show your kids on the outside what you're feeling on the inside they will begin to understand you. Then, if they still pull pranks they are heartless people and that's another issue!

[mdgirl1977]

Personally, getting a message like that would be grounds for not talking for a bit until you can have a LONG talk with them about your emet. It seems like they were being cruel and vindictive and awful. I would have been hysterical and traumatized. What a horrible thing to teach your grandchildren too - to make fun of someone for a phobia/condition! Who does that?

But I do understand everything you said about caring for your kids when they were young and how it affected you. I am in that position right now with my 3 1/2 year old...debilitated.

[frankieanime]

I'm 18 now. Ive been the same since I was REAL little. I never told ANYBODY growing up or even today. Noone's made fun of me (except recently) because of this. But FINALLY, I told someone, it was my girlfriend and only a few weeks ago too. She's been kinda supportive, but she seems to think I can still get up and do this for her, or all this other stuff when i'm feeling horribly nauseous (I have the flu right now) Ive kept everything down luckily, but I hate how she passes it off as "not a big deal" when it really is :S . But I got called a freak from it during a fight. Made me literally go crying to my mom. Being a young adult, it's kinda sad. But it's a really sensitive topic for me and noone seems to understand what it's like. Luckily I just found this website. I felt so happy

[Chepi10]

I'm 14 and I just found out the name of what I've been feeling since I was 6. When I told my parents I thought I had a phobia when I was younger but they just told me to stop worrying about things like that. So I have finally found what I have and I am so grateful to find this website. But even when I told my best friend how I felt, he didn't understand at all and told me I didn't have a phobia. No one understands how I feel. I am scared to death of vomiting, but no one thinks it's a big deal. It was extremely cruel what happened to you and I really hope everyone on here can help you, no one should have to feel understood.

[karl636]

My family don't know about my emetophobia, I guess I have become very good at hiding it. My folks don't really get ill much anyway so it isn't a big issue in the home, I just tend to get a little anxious when out and about, but I don't tend to encounter anything triggering in day to day life anyway.

I don't like to tell people im emetophobic unless I have to, so if I spend the night somewhere or if im going to form a relationship with someone. My classmates don't know at all and I wouldn't want to tell them. I am rather embarrassed to have this phobia and would much prefer to keep it quiet.

On topic though, I agree with what has been said and that if it becomes a regular occurrence then tell your kids how much it hurts and upsets you, try what you can to make them understand that what you feel is not to be made fun of and that it can cut you really deep. But if it is one off occassions then laughing about it and passing it off as no big deal seems like a good way of dealing with it.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

You know they love you and don't want to hurt you - that's not why they're doing it. They just don't understand how extreme this fear is. And so when someone really doesn't understand, sometimes we pick on each other in jest. Like a grown man who may have a spider phobia... his buddies might put a huge plastic spider in his desk. Do they want to hurt him? NO. The reason they're playing with him is because they like him.... sounds counterintuitive I know.... but have you never played a joke on someone that may not have been that funny to them? The thing is, the other guys can't fathom how terrifed this grown man really is of spiders. They assume it'll just momentarily spook him... like someone coming around the corner unexpectedly. That's what your family is doing. To them vomiting is not the end of the world like it is to you, so they're just having fun with you.

Maybe what you can do is sit them all down, have a family meeting, and tell them, without accusing them of purposely wanting to hurt you, just how serious your fear is. You may think they know... but obviously they don't. Tell them EXACTLY how playing that kind of "joke" on you really makes you feel... what it does to you. I'm sure if they knew that, they wouldn't do it anymore.

Sometimes we assume that people know just how terrified we really are. It's difficult for someone who doesn't have a particular phobia, especially one that may seem "odd", to really wrap their head around it. For example, many people have a severe fear of clowns. Now to me that's silly.... my mind that is NOT afraid of clowns and just sees them as a silly character can't wrap my mind around just how terrifying it is for someone who has a clown phobia. So, if I didn't know what a phobia really feels like (because I had emetophobia) I may be inclinded to minimize their fear... not out of cruelty... just because I may think something like "how afraid of a clown - a CLOWN - can a grown man or woman really be?"

[musicbug92]

Aww that's too bad! I think it's probably that they just have NO idea of the severity of the problem. Like my dad, he'll crack jokes or try to trick me into watching some nasty video...but fortunately he knows when I'm really upset about it and is much more sympathetic during those times.

[maxwest555]

Oh god i hate it so much, my brother who is 2 years older than me always makes fun of me and pretends he is being sick, and 1 night he and his friends blended up some random food put it in a bucket spread a bit around his mouth and through the bucket over me when i was sleeping, i freaked out so much and they filmed me then put it on youtube! the whole school saw it and now they all make fun of me too luckily the vid was taken off but the kids at school have never let it go...

[musicbug92]

Oh god i hate it so much, my brother who is 2 years older than me always makes fun of me and pretends he is being sick, and 1 night he and his friends blended up some random food put it in a bucket spread a bit around his mouth and through the bucket over me when i was sleeping, i freaked out so much and they filmed me then put it on youtube! the whole school saw it and now they all make fun of me too luckily the vid was taken off but the kids at school have never let it go...

That's just downright cruel!

[stargazing01]

I'm sorry! My parents sometimes do this unintentionally, but when they bring it up I can't help but feel a little hurt. Keep strong, and I do the same thing and act like i don't care!!!!!!