Trouble with eating out with family?

[Galadriel]

Ok now I know this is emet related. Well, when I have to eat together with family out or something, I usually cannot hardly eat anything. Its just I fear feeling ill or sick later on, and well I know that the people I am with would not be understanding in the least, and it wouldnt be a good situacion to be in.


Perfect example: This happens especially bad when I go on vacations. I mean its just the being away from home for a prolonged period of time, I can hardly eat right. Well, we would go out to eat every nite (this past summer we went to South Carolina for 9 days with my dad, his fiance, fiances daughter and daughter's friend) and well I of course just hated this and I would never be able to eat a lot, I mean most of you prolly know what Im talking about. Well we're sitting around the table, and just about every meal, my dad's fiance has to make a comment about "thats terrible, what a waste" to me for not eating much, and well that just made me feel absolutely horrible and guilty. She made comments like this several times on the trip, and come on I am 21, she doesnt need to make me feel like I am 2. It just was very humiliating, and of course the reason I was not eating a lot was due to fear Id feel ill later (I did anyways). The first morning she asked me, her daughter (who is 15) and her daughters friend (15), what we ate for breakfast. I answered that I had a english muffin and water, and she proceeded to comment "what are you trying to be anorexic or something?" man Im sorry but its people like this that really make things worse. I know I should learn to not take it so hard, and just shrug it off. It is difficult to do this tho when your self confidence is already at all time lows. I have vowed to never again go on vacation with them. I have noticed recently tho, when say me and my bf (William) go out to eat, I feel free to eat and I dont worry about my stomach, and he is the only person I am like that with. The reason why I think is because I know he understands about emet and such, and he is not going to criticize me ever about how much/what/when I eat, so in turn I feel free to eat a lot. Does anyone else notice this happens? What are your experiences with family members like this? Edited by: Galadriel

[donna1216]

I'm the opposite, I eat a lot, thinking it will make me feel better!! (I'm always wrong, and end up with reflux!!) Does your dad know why you weren't eating?? He didn't mind and didn't comment, did he? Lots of people do not have very large appetites--my younger daughter eats like a bird, while her sister PIGS OUT! I don't think it was appropriate of her to say anything!!

[matmysunshine]

I can relate, I tend to eat alot less or order salad or share with my husband when we got out with family, they tell me, I need to eat.. and I of corse am on the defencesay thingslikefirst off I am nausea, threrefore do not want to eat alot, so please leave me alone ok.. I feel mean for getting so angry, but they do not understand, I have explained it to my parents, becasue we think this all started fromed me being abused, by my step mom.. so he understands, but to the degree of what it does to me, Not a chance.. I wish we did not have to be this way and could enjoy food out etc... Example this Valentines my hubby and I were thinking of going to Emerils resturant, we have one here on the beach. But I know that I barely eat, and for 2 people its $180 thats insane, an I feel like its a waste of money, if i eat like a bird. OH the joy of what this EMET does to us.. Christy

[texas-darlin]

Your dad's fiancee is a freak. You're 21! You can eat what and how much you want. She's seems very controlling.



My husbands LOVES to eat out. He thinks he's treating me He
doesn't know I have this phobia. When we're looking for
places to eat out, I'm always in seach of places that have outdoor
dining. I feel more relaxed outside, not around all those strangers
that could choke and v*.



I'm with you on the vacation woes. Being in strange places wondering
how they're handling my food. I try to stick with plain stuff like you,
english muffins, bagles, WATER(bottled prefered) I hate
restaurant glasses..YUCK. Thinking of the public with their lips
wrapped around my water glass gives me the heebie jeebies.



What did you dad say when she said these things to you?



Renee

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[donna1216]

My four year old would think she had died and gone to heaven if she could eat at one of Emeril's restaurants. She loves Food Network!!

[Galadriel]

Well, my dad either did not say a word or took her side (of course). Dad to be honest does not want to know about my emet, or even why I am/act like this. I offered fully to explain it to him, to show him this site, but he did not want to hear it. He was just like "I dont want to hear about your fetish". Great huh? So yeah and my dad's fiance is just like him, even worse, so yeah its great. Thankfully tho I am 21, and can decide not to go with them anymore. Its just not good to be around people who can drag you down like that. I think also a lot of it is who you are around. If the person your with is understanding and supportive, then you are going to feel free to be more at ease and not fear having to deal say if you feel sick later on and are panicky ( I can just imagine what dad and his fiance would do if I got real panicky due to feeling sick later on) . Its best to find and be around people who lift you up, not drag you down, tho granted I have only come across one true person like this in my non-internet life.

[Galadriel]

Lol Donna thats cute!

[jesskali]

I do the exact same thing when eating out with family or friends. Just like yesterday, I had jury duty and was stuck in this small court room all day and we didn't get breaks. Well, I went out to eat Mexican with a few girls I met and I could barely eat anything for fear of getting sick later on. The girls were really nice but one of them said, "Were you just not hungry?" when I didn't eat all of my food. I told them I was not that hungry, but that comment made me feel kind of bad. First of all, I really don't like Mexican food anyway but I was just trying to fit in.

My in-laws make comments all of the time about how little I eat when we're out together. All of them are "big eaters" and very overweight and I am the exact opposite.

Anyway, sorry this was a bad experience for you. I think we can all relate!

Jess

[Galadriel]

Hey Jess!


Im sorry your inlaws make you feel like that. Well, my dads fiance likes to eat, and my dad does like to eat, tho not like huge quantities, but still just because Imnot usually a big eater doesnt mean people have to be rude and make comments like that. I get tired ofthat. Like "you need to put some meat on those bones!" or "you eat like a bird!" or "is that all your going to get?" Man I HATE that!! [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

[eeks]

Wow Gal, I feel like you are reading a page out of my diary. I do exactly the same thing. Going out to eat is rarely a pleasure for me, and I have had to leave early due to a panic attack on more than one occasion.Luckily myhusband is very understanding.


I worked in several restaurants in college, and am happy to report that the food handling was always done*very* professionally. Everyone fears the health department!


I wish that I could offer you some words of wisdom, but I haven't quite figured this one out just yet (I've only been trying to solve this problem for less than a year, and this is my first day on this site). One thing I can tell you is to not give your dad's fiance's comments another thought (easy for me to say, I know). Just keep on trying. Keep on trying and dealing and eventually, you will succeed.

[pinkflamingo]

I also do not eat a whole lot when i go out with my family. My mother always gets mad at me because i don't eat as much as the rest of my family.Shethinks i'm anorexic too and i'm not.I try to tell her its because of my fear but she just tells me to get over it and that i'm old enough to stop it. The only person i am ever comfortableenough aroundto go out andeat is my bf....he seems to be the only one who actually understands also. So i know where you are coming from.


Lindsey

[2jo2]

I hear ya... I usually won't even get to the restaurant, I have to be feeling really strong to go out to eat.

[guliegirl]

I think a lot of people have a problem eating out and worrying about
the sanitaion of resturants. I also get anxiety when I eat
out, but It seems to have fadded a lot over the years for me.
I just told my fiancee about this topic he thinks its
pretty normal for people to feel like that. We should be
concerned about what we eat. No one likes to get sick!!
I don't eat meat so that sorta takes my worries away when I do
eat out. Take care and I hope you can work through this.

[Galadriel]

Yeah especially on vacations or away from home I tend to just eat salads (which of course gets comments from them as well.) I would rather eat salads the whole time than risk getting ill thank you very much!

[Abi]

I'm so scared of getting ill from eating out that I will rarely eat out. I don't even have a drink out unless its in a sealed bottle so that I know its clean.

[SimplyMe]

Geez, is it really your dad's fiances business how much you eat? You seem to have everything pretty sorted out in your head tho which is great! I just hate to hear any one especially the sweet people on this site being made to feel bad or told their phobia is a freaking fetish! GRR! Since you are 21 and can choose not to go away w/ them that's great, at least you aren't underage and forced. I totally relate to being that far away and not wanting to eat. I have trouble too, especially at the restaurant but if I bring back to the hotel it's usually alright. Also eating out in general used to be soemthing I couldnt' do...period. But nwo I can but still have times where I can't eat much. the waitresses would get me mad and make statements like "Oh no wonder your'e so thin" GRRR what your dads fiance said reminded me of that. Anyhow I'm so glad you have a boyfriend who is understanding and loving and you are comfortable with. The stress and feelings of judgement you get from your dads fiance is enought o make anyone lose their appetite.

[Galadriel]

Hey Simply Me!


Yeah its not anyones business how much you eat (well it would be a concern naturally if say you had an eating disorder) but still those kinds of comments just plain make it worse. It is good that Im 21 and can opt out! Thank God lol! I know what you mean about feeling safer when you bring food back to the hotel. I always liked that better than say going out to eat while on vacation. Course everyone else wanted to go out! Not one of those ill directed comments are any help whatsoever. Its a shame that people have to do that. I mean ok come on she needn't treat me like I am 2 years old. Thats about how I felt when she said that, and I have to admit she doesn't have much tact. That was just uncalled for and downright rude of her. Its sad, but there are plenty of people like that, I dont know how they can be tho. I would never want to put anyone down for not eating a lot, or make them feel bad or ashamed for it. I guess the thing to realize is that people like that obviously have no compassion or anything of the like, and to just ignore them and not let them get to you (tho this is hard). She could have maybe taken me aside later and asked if anything was wrong or something. That shows compassion and caring. But eh well. Maybe next time I should make some pointed comments about "so you going to eat ALL of that? I don't think you need to eat anymore, you look like you get plenty enough". Of course if I did I would really get it socked to me about how rude that was, but yet she can make comments about "what are you trying to be anorexic?" and no one says anything. Thats just plain ridiculus.

[SimplyMe]

You are right tho, you wouldnt want to make anyone feel bad and would be compassionate. I guess really she is the one who needs the pity. Imagine how miserable she must be if she has nothing better to discuss over dinner.