I have always had this overwhelmong anxiety when it came down to emesis. I don't mind seeing other people doing it, the smell is a little off but doesnt bother me, what bothers me most is the feeling of nausea and then the act of expulsion. I will have a panic attack, start crying, even contemplate suicide just to get out of having to "toss my cookies".

I found out I was pregnant early December and since day 1 I have been nauseated and will often expell 3 times a day (on average). I feel traumatized by this whole situation and hopeless. I feel "why does this have to happen to me?". At one point I contemplated getting an abortion because the morning sickness was too much for me to handle and I was desperate for a way out. But I've always wanted a baby of my own and it took a year to concieve so I thought i may as well suffer through this.

as much as I am excited for my new baby (which is due on August) I feel that this nausea and expulsion will never end and that I will never be able to be myself again (nausea free). I feel miserable and I have already decided that once I have this baby I will try asking my doctors to proceed with a full hysterectomy so that I don't have to deal with this ever again.

I know all pregnancies are different but I am not taking any more chances, I feel like this experience has made me lose my sanity.