My husband hid a nasty habbit from me

[kmarie]

I found out a week or so ago that my husband started smoking again. He smoked when we first met three years ago and quit because i would not take it.


well..hes beens tressed and apparently smoking for over two months now (obvoislu not much or hes REALLY sneaky cause i had NO idea).


I was SO mad when he told me...and still am. Not only did he start up the sickening habbit again...knowing full well i would not tolerate it..but he hid it from me for two months....putting toxins in his body..and wasting our hard earned money...that is REALLY tight.


i told him he needs to stop...he says he will..but...this is the bad part..i dont trust him..why should i? he hid it from he..whos to say he wont keep hiding it from me?


Its been..almsot two weeks I guess..and hes till buying them (with his pocket change that he has saved because i refuse to allow him to spend our hard earned money on cancer sticks).....and im frsutrated..i know itsan addicition...(though its one he started back up after 3 years!.) and it will take time..but how do i know if hes even trying.


i have told him that he broke my trust...and that i would be MUCH happier if he tried the aptch..so i at least have some diea that he wants to quit and is trying.


no offense to nay smokers here...but i thik is god awful nasty..and unhealthy..and I dont want my loved ones pumping that sh** into their bodies and wasting their money..specially my husband.


I am very hurt by all of this..and i dont know how ot handle it...im so angry and frustrated.....

[2jo2]

OMG OMG OMG, I could have wrote that. My husband smoked when I first met him when we were teenagers. I didn't really have the guts to tell him how I felt about it, although at that time I wasn't as developed in my feelings about it. As I got older, I found myself feeling strongly against smoking, my grandpa died of emphazema at a young-ish age from smoking and I thought it to be dirty, and all those things you listed. I always had told myself that I would not be with anyone who smoked. He told me he quit when we were in college and then revealed to me later that he had been smoking off and on. I was mad and couldn't understand why he wouldn't just quit. He obviously didn't want to. THis went on and on (over a number of years), him hiding smoking from me, him quitting, him starting up (I found this all out later)... I'd smell it and he'd tell me he was in a bar or around someone who'd smoked. I finally confronted him and told him I was angry and hurt, almost like this part of his life he was hiding from me, like this was something he didn't hide to other people, but hid from me, I felt hurt, betrayed, all these different feelings. It was the number one problem in our relationship! We would fight every time the issue came up, I'd tell him over and over again how important it was for me, how against it I was, etc. We even saw a counselor about it. I resolved to the fact that this is something he has to do for himself, and when he decides he wants to quit, I'll be there behind him. He hid it from me because it was easier than having the fight each time. He still is smoking, like your husband after quitting for a long time. I don't understand what brings him back to it. I still to this day ask him when he's going to quit, and he'll say he's thinking about it. I know exactly how you feel. Exactly. We have spent so much money on him smoking , plus on him quitting - hypnosis, the patch numberous times, drugs, nicorette gum, etc. etc. etc. and I hate seeing my money being spent on cigarettes and being spent and wasted on numberous ways to help him quit over and over just to have him start up again 6 months later. I guess, I have found out that he's not going to quit for me... it hurts to know that this thing has that big of a hold on him. I feel bad, but it's something you have to realize, that he's only going to quit when he's ready. It sucks. I've been there, so if you ever need to talk.... my msn is [email protected].

[sweetfreak]

I think the reason your husband was hiding his smoking from you is because he was afraid you would judge him for it. The best thing to do is to try to find out WHY he started back up. There must be some reason, and that's what you and him need to deal with. If he quit for 3 years, something really must be bothering him for to make him start again. Just my thoughts.

[kmarie]

I know hes stressed...we have had a lot of issues. The cause is most likely me....i have some serious emotional issues im dealing wiht..on top of EMET....but im sorry..im my mind its not an excuse. he picked p a cig knowing full well he shouldnt and then he got hooked.


I honestly dont think he wants to quit..and thats what makes me SO mad. He knows I am fully..100% against smoking.


It may just be in my head..but i think hes doing it to be stubborn..and sort of as a revenge type deal..or even jealousy...see..i have a lot of probelms..that are taking time to heal and solve...and i amg etting a lot of attention..and I dont think he likes that.....he now has a "problem" that (as he said to me) just like my issues will take time to solve.


well..let me tel you..my problems are completely different then choosing to start up a ife threatening, money wasting habbit....


anywho..thans for the replys guys...keep em comming...

[holly18]

omg i had the exact same thing with my boyfreind! we have been together nearly three years. He smoked when we first met but i told him i never want to be with someone that smokes, so he quit to be with me. A few months ago i went to the pub with him and his mates from work. My phone battery run out and i needed to send a text so i borrowed his phone. when i opened the text message thing to start typing, the last message he sent was still there! it said:


"dont say anything to holly about me smoking, can you tell everyone else that is coming tonight"


he had sent it to all his freinds and they were all lying to me! i even thought i could trust some of his freinds. it turns out he had been smoking at work and when he was out with his freinds. He said he wasnt addicted and he only had a couple a day, if that. but i told him he had to choose between me and his cancer sticks, because a couple a day would soon become more and more. this made him mad, we had a huge argument, and finally he gave in and promised not to smoke again.


but i dont know if i trust him or not. Sometimes when i see him i think i can smell smoke on him but im not sure if that makes sense, maybe im imagining it because i dont trust him. i dont know what to think. i was at the town earlier, and he was too with his mate, i called asking if i could meet him for a bit, and he was really against it, and wouldnt even tell me where they were so i couldnyt meet them. im wondering now if hes been smoking and thats why he wouldnt see me earlier.

[sweetfreak]

The problem is...no one can quit smoking for someone else. It's the same with anything. You can't change who you are for someone else. It never works. You have to do if for yourself...because YOU want to be a better person or be more healthy. I learned that the hard way in my past. Always trying to change because I loved someone else. I have to change because I love me and because I want to, not because someone else wants me to.

[holly18]

i know what you mean. i cant understand why he would want to smoke. i have been hurt alot by close realtives and freinds dying of cancer. he has seen the pain that it has caused me, and the suffering the person endured.why would he want to do that to himself or to me. i cant make sense of it.

[holly18]

when we had the argument, i sent him an email containing a picture of a smokers lung, riddled with cancer, harsh i know. but i wanted him to see the reality of it. i edont know if it worked or not. mayb they should put those pictures on the cigaret packets instead of the warnings. it would be gross, but thats the point.

[kmarie]

I understnad Holly....its like..they know we are against it...quit to be with us..and then they start u..knowing full well we are completely against it..and hide it from us.


its just not cool...i understnad that he has to quit for him now that hes addicted..but why did he start again in the first place...and then hide it from me...just NOT cool at all..at least with me....he didnt exacly lie to me..but he hid something from me..so now i feel i cant trust him 100%..he says hes going to quit...will he really? What else will he or is he hiding from me?


it just sucks..and Im still really pissed...how could he start back up again knowing full well it would cause major problems..why would he put us through this?


I mean..i have issues that have caused major problems with us..but its not soemthing i CHOSE to do ya know?