Basically my boyfriend was offered a job just before xmas and for his career had to accept the job which is great ... great money great for his progression on the career ladder blah blah...
The problem is it is in Cairo..
He has already left but beacuse of disruption in Cairo he is currently in Dubai..
He left 10 days ago which is having a horrible effect on me as he was my safe haven... he helped me through sleepless panic stricken nights well pretty much everynight (my fear is worse at night time)
So for ten days i have been up all night and will only sleep when it gets light outside i do not know why i feel better that i have made it safe through the night ...
So now he is going on to Cairo from Dubai on saturday and i have agreed to move out with him when he gets an apartment there (roughly im looking at 6 weeks time i will be there) main reason being i love him so much and every second apart is painful...
But also i dont feel 'safe' without him here he helps me so much with my phobia some days its like im normal when he is around..
I am now panicking as i know that i have no option but to go and this means living in a poor country where hygiene standards are low and a few people i know have come back from Egypt and said they had well you know 'bad times' there..
Now Egypt will undoubtedly be a stunning country with amazing culture and people im sure and this part excites me greatly but i can feel my self loosing sight of seeing the partner and the whole new life ahead of me because im running out of ways too survive without eating for th 18 months i will be there...
Safe foods are an option but i also suffer from coeliacs disease which prevents me eating wheat/gluten so this means bread pasta chips are all out and i refuse too eat rice i pretty much live off steak and potatoes and gluten free toast here as my usual diet.
I just dont know a way around this and i am losing ability to think properly i am becoming very irrational and letting this get to me i know as i start to act strange at times like this like not being able to talk to people or breathe in public or eat unless i have made it/checked it myself cleaning friends and familys houses when staying
and also thinking that normal life isnt worth living and i want to become a hermit and live in my own germ free bubble...
Maybe i am having a week long panic attack i dont know I just dont know how i am going to cope with life there and how i will avoid getting ill off food or poor hygiene...