I'm a mess. A complete mess.

[bheart]

This fear is consuming my life. Im in constant panic mood all the time. When I went out to the movies last night with my mom I could not pay attention to half of the movie. I kept shifting and felt really n*. Even right now i feel a tickle and lump in my throat and I keep gagging. I cant sleep at all at night. I wake up feeling super n* and sick to my stomach and I think its sv* and i panic. I spend my afternoons in constant worry about avoiding germs and what i touch. Before bed I worry about having sv* and not even knowing it and v* at school the next day. When one of my friends tells me their stomach hurts I freak out. I feel like im next in line. Im so afraid to leave my house and I have to go to school.

Im only 18 and i already hate life. thats not right. I feel so out of control. my fear is getting worse each day even when i tell myself im okay..im scared to death.

[emmalinda]

i feel your pain hunny. this phobia is a definate bitch. but you're doing so well!! going to school is the hardest thing ever. but feel proud of yourself for making yourself go and not letting the fear control your life entirely. you're doing such a good job at kicking this phobia in the guts, keep it up! i would also suggest going to see someone about it. i know its not what you'd have in my mind but can you talk to the chool counsellor or even a favourite teacher? i wasted my school years because of emet and if you talk to someone at school they might be able to help you out and make it more comfortable for you. think about it for a while. but i know eactely what your going through

[stephenie]

I feel the exact same thing. Exact. And I agree about how young we are (I'm 16) it sucks bc we have our whole life ahead of us and its like were stuck in neutral cause of this debilitating fear. I have faith though, that one day we WILL beat this.

[emmalinda]

'sigh'. one day. all my friends have ventured off to uni, going out meeting people, having fun, getting wonderful boyfriends and i am stuck here idoling. im 20 soon and before i know it i will be 30, still doing exactely what im doing now..stressing! everyday