So the first time I ever v* in my life was 4 months ago due to a stomach bug. I remember feeling like I was going to v* even though I had never done it before I KNEW that it was going to happen. We were at my SIL's wedding and I had to pull my husband away from everyone because I was freaking out. He told me to breathe deep and I was able to push away the v* for the time being but as soon I felt a little better after breathing it felt like I was going to have d* in my pants immediately! I had to run to the bathroom without moving my legs too much (TMI SORRY!!) because I knew it was just going to come out. Well I ended up having d* and then was so-so for about an hour until we got home and that's when I v* twice and ended up having d* again.

SO...now every time I go to the bathroom and have an unusual bowel movemement I freak out and think it's going to lead to me v*. I don't remember exactly how bad my d* was when I got sick months ago but I do remember thinking how disgusting it was. So now any time I even have loose stool (or at least that's what I call it because it's not watery) I freak out that it's the start of a sv* or anything else that may make me v*.

Yesterday I had spinach for the first time in about 4 months so that could have something to do with the loose stool but it happens probably once every week or so. I also had an amazing dinner from a BBQ joint and thought that the chicken may cause me to have food poisioning (I'm always worried about sv* and food poisioning) and after dinner I was very gassy for about 2 hours and then finally just went to sleep. So maybe that was it?

Does anyone else freak out about this? In my head I know it's an irrational thought because before I ever v* I had different kinds of bowel movements and they never phased me and now it's like the end of the world. I start my obsessive thoughts which leads to anxiety which causes me to have a stomache ache. It used to cause me to be n* but I only get like that once a month or once every two months now THANK GOODNESS!!

Any words of wisdom? I feel like I'm starting to overcome emet because I'm getting out of the house again and actually not always feeling n* and then I just start to freak out over other stuff.

Sorry for the long post!
Thanks!