Long time suffering. New to the site.

[EmmaThamer]

Hey there my friends. (or soon to be I hope!)

I'm new here...and I've been reading through the posts for a while now and instead of being a lurk for the rest of my life. I thought I'd introduce myself and share mah story (:

I'm Emma (: I'm 16 years old from some small village (actually. it's called The Village of_____) in Southern Ont. Canada.

Ever since I was 7 I've had this horribly terribly scary fear of vomiting. It got so bad that I started having Panic Attacks around 11 and my parents didn't know what was going on because no one in my fmaily has ever acted like that. I went through 2 VERY long years of tests after test after test. I was tested for diabetes, stomach ulcers, brain cancer, heart problems...everything you can imagine. I was tested for.

Until I had a panic attack in the doctors office. Immediatly I was shipped to the hospital (after numerous times of trying to get out of the car...while it was moving...) After that I saw doctoer after doctor, until one Diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and depression.

I was put on Zoloft at 12 and had bi-weekly cognitive therapy sessions for a year. Till finally, the fear was gone. I was free for 3 years. But when I turned 15, it started to come back, I had been off the medication for 2 years and was feeling great...until all of a sudden it came back, the anxiety, the despression, that brought on the nauseous feeling that i so terribly dread.

So now I'm back where I was 5 year ago, hiding it from my parents becuase they ;dont want their 11 year old girl back' and trying to find people who can help me and i can connect with! (:

Whew....that is ALOT of writing. haha. So I hoped you learned something about me (if you are brave enough to read it all!)

loveyah!

[Jabberwocky]

Hi, Emma!
Welcome to the forum. I discovered this site yesterday, and it has already helped me tons!! There is always someone on here to answer your questions and help calm you when you are scared.

Hope you find some comfort here!

[falseadvertise]

We all know what its like. I keep it a secret also. Some people in my family know and some of my close friends have kind of an idea but i never let anyone know that its something i deal with daily.

I dont want to be to blunt but i have basically come to the point where i accept that this is just how i am and that it is something i will deal with in my life. There are a lot of people in the world and a lot of them have a tough life. In comparison i dont think im so bad.

When i was in high school i went through a time when i was depressed and confused and really didnt know what was going on. It took me a while to figure it out. It took me even longer to break the cycle of depression. After i accepted that i was afraid of throw up and that this is just how i was it helped with everything.

I still have the fear but the depression is gone. Im actually feeling better emotionially then i ever have.

A large part of this was just realizing that the world is going on wheather i stay home alone in my room or if i go out and have fun. basically i made the choice and forced myself to live with it. (currently i am in the begining stages of forcing myself to fly again. its been almost 10 years)

i recommend a book that a therapist once recommened me. Its called Nausea (or La Nausee). It was written in the 30's by a famous french existentialist philosopher.im not at all trying to push my personal philosophy on you. Its a good book about a guy who cant figure out why he feels ill. and eventually conclues its because its who he is. Just from the wiki page "They recognized him "for his work which, rich in ideas and filled with the spirit of freedom and the quest for truth." at least check out the wikipedia page.

anyway good luck.