My Life as an Emetophobe

[allisonfierce]

I have never, ever enjoyed getting sick. I don't think anyone really does. Granted, people say it makes you feel better if your stomach has been hurting you, and that it's healthy - but when you're emetophobic, it doesn't matter. You absolutely, positively, do NOT want to get sick. So here I am.

I'm 17 years old, and the first experience I can remember having with v* (I'm actually not afraid of the real word, but I'll abbreviate for the sake of those reading who might be) was when I was maybe 4 or 5. I was waiting outside my Mom's bathroom door as she was getting sick. Another time was when my brother was ill and my Mom emptied my toy box and let him use it as a bucket. I remember getting sick while I was visiting my aunt and uncle and crying. There are plenty more instances of my really young childhood that I can name, but I'll cut to the catalyst.

One Christmas, when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I got a stomach bug along with my mother. We were both up the whole night getting sick, and it was extremely violent and miserable. I feel like this experience made me absolutely hate being sick, and I never wanted to do it again. So I didn't. Somehow, I managed to go 6 years without ever having to v*. I'd pretty much forgotten what it felt like, even, but I knew that I still hated it and didn't want to revisit the feeling. Last year I finally did when I caught a 24 hour bug, and I swear, it has haunted me to this day.

When I'm at a restaurant, I'm afraid that I'll be sick. If someone thinks they're going to be ill and tells me, I immediately back away. If I hear someone getting sick, I close my ears and run off. Whenever I have the slightest feeling of n*, I begin to panic and pace. Mostly I'm afraid of being sick all over the floor and being forced to clean it up. I don't want to look at it, smell it, anything.

It seems that whenever I go through periods of stress in my life, I get extremely anxious, and this anxiety causes me to have n* a lot of the time. I feel like it's almost a cycle - you feel n*, get anxious because of it, so you feel it more, etc.

My sinuses are messed up, so whenever I get stuffed up, I get post nasal drip. This in turn collects and makes me feel sick. I have very bad allergies and with the changes of the seasons causing my allergies to act up as well as getting colds or illnesses, I go through the process of flipping out for hours until the episode is over. Then I curse myself for wasting time worrying, and repeat the next day. It's a really vicious cycle, and I'm here to stop it.

While it's not exactly good news, it's comforting to know that there are so many emetophobes like me who understand. Hopefully we can all pull through this together and be free of this horrible disease!

[hairyfairy]

I agree about dreading sv`s I can`t understand why nature would put such a vile bug on the planet & force us to co-exist with it. I just wish they`d hurry up & bring out a vaccine for it.

[asianeko]

I'm glad you've found a community here Allison, a place where others will understand you, and many who are willing to help. You'll find not only people in your exact same shoes, but also those who have been there, and who have freed themselves from this horrible phobia. Sage has a wonderful website (and I think a thread around here somewhere) on how she recovered. She had the worst emet I could ever imagine, and now helps other emets recover.

Stay optimistic, stay strong, and welcome!