When you lose yourself to emetophobia

[Anon20]

I'm 20 year old, and I have severe emetophobia. Ive had emeto since as long as I can remember. Maybe I was born with it- if that's possible. Let's just say I've had it for a really long time now. But my phobia was and never has been THIS BAD. The last two years of my life has been constant struggle and literally like he'll for me. In the last two years, ever since I turned 18 my phobia somehow took total control over me and I basically ended up losing myself in the process. I was so terrified (and still kind of am) of going out in public and being around people for fear what getting sick. At one point my phobia got so bad that I felt sick even when I was alone. I ended up losing all of my friends, I can't even go anywhere with my parents for fear of getting sick in front of them and in public because it's too embarrassing. I hardly ever leave my house and I always have to carry around bottled water when I go out in public because that's the only thing keeping me from feeling sick. If I don't have water or any kind of drink with me in my bag I will automatically get sick. I can't control it. I want to learn to control my mind and lessen my overactive anxiety.... Because I know that I will always be alone and afraid of everything if I can't Find some way to control myself. Ive recently discovered this site and that my secret is common and has a name for it but I've never met or found anyone who has emetophobia as severe as mine. I've lost everything important to me due to my phobia....I just want to be able to freely walk out of my house without a care in the world. I jut want to be free. I want to talk to people and connect and love and have a relationship with human beings without running away from the for fear of getting sick in public. I want to walk on the streets just myself and without a bottled water in my hand/bag. I want to be normal like the students I sick next to class or like the couples walking hand in hand like the baristas in the coffee shop. I want to be free and happy like them. Because... Frankly, I'm just so exhausted from being alone all the time and living in constant fear of getting sick. I'm restricted. I don't know how much longer I can just sit back and watch life pass by me. I don't know how I'm going to find myself or get my friends back or pass my speech class with getting sick or graduate or find a job let alone leave my house without getting sick. I just want to be myself and live

[turbokinetic]

Hey welcome to the site! I really feel the despair in your words. I'm sure you will feel good support here! There are several of us who have got over emetophobia and love life now and want to see you do the same.

There is SO much hope, but you have to work towards that end result.

Sincerely,
David

[Cupcake x]

I understand completely what you're going through because I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I'm 21 years old and have lost all my friends, hate leaving my house, barely go to school, can't hold down a job , ect. I also have a 15 month old daughter so sometimes I'm forced to do things I really don't want to do such as be alone at home with her when I'm not feeling well (every day) or taking her to a doctors appointment. It's really hard to live a normal life when you're gripped by fear every second of the day.

I haven't found a way to relieve any of my anxiety yet but if you ever need to talk or vent, just message me. I'm always here to talk to It also helps that we're around the same age so we probably have a lot in common.

[chocolategirl]

Welcome to the site! I know what you feel. I can't leave anywhere without water or mints. It is very stressful and with emet, there are your ups and downs. Maybe its just a phase. I hope you do better!